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What If You Could Do It All Over?

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Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#151

Post by xyzelement »

war1025 wrote: post #148

My dad got brain cancer when I was 25. That event accelerated our decision to have kids, and as a result our first daughter was born a few days after I turned 27. The reasoning I came to is that given the probabilities of how children are conceived, if my dad didn't have cancer, our first child would have been someone else than our daughter. So basically wishing anything different for my dad would be wishing that my…

Amazing wisdom. In Judaism we say that bad things that happen to us are enablers of the good things. Whatever one believes, it's a really good attitude. Thank you for sharing your story.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#152

Post by ChrisMarshallNY »

Probably wouldn’t change a thing.

Everything that has happened to me; good and bad, has made me who I am today.

I’m cool with that. I’ve had a pretty big share of bad, and there’s lots of folks who think I “haven’t lived up to my potential,” meaning that I didn’t give them what they wanted from me.

At this stage in my life, I am strangely satisfied. Never thought I’d be happy, the way I am, but it’s a funny old world.

It could have turned out a lot worse. I am truly blessed.

Reminds me of Sliding Doors. Interesting movie.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#153

Post by 0xbadcafebee »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #17

It’s worth thinking about how we measure how “good” a life is and if that is superficial and too much influenced by fashion. For example the cliche is go travelling or get rich starting a business. “I raised kids” doesn’t have the same boastworthyness in a lot of circles, but arguably it’s more interesting. Or maybe not. What’s the life well lived metric?

The distance and the slope, I'd say.

Life is like a long mountain trail in a great migration. There are criss-crossing paths everywhere, and you have to decide which to take. The goal is to climb until you reach the summit. There'll always be valleys and hills, so you won't always be going up. But each step you take forward, and each foot higher in elevation, is your life getting better. If you can say that most of the time you were moving forward and higher, to me that's a well-lived life.

Could you have taken a shorter path and gotten there faster? Sure! But the longer you're on the path, the more time you have to smell the flowers, listen to the birds sing, see the trees swaying in the wind. Maybe you're content to stay exactly where you are. But I think most of us should keep climbing, because there's always new trails to see. Who cares how we get there as long as we keep going up.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#154

Post by woahisme »

3 years ago my marriage fell apart and few months after that my health fell. With a miracle I was given a second shot of life. What that meant however is that I lost a good part of my 30s. I sat there, 37, divorced and recovered from a major illness with nothing to show. My friends had kids etc and were getting in to the next chapter of life while I was left feeling what if I had done things differently, tried different things.

BUT its not productive to do so. Every one does it and its ok, but it should not be an obsession. I realized that everything doesnt go according to plan and I need to chart my path, not compare to others. Whats good for others, might not be yours. You have to decided what you want to do in the future.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#155

Post by closeparen »

imgabe wrote: post #34
nickthemagicman wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah but you'll take home way more dates at those parties.

That's fine if you're OK with the kinds of dates that go home with you because of your impressive-sounding job.

I don't think that's as shallow as you make it sound. I'd rather have respect for being a successful adult who exercises a skill to create value, for doing something difficult and being good at it, than for my taste in music or something.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#156

Post by xvedejas »

dorchadas wrote: post #144
acwan93 wrote: post #8

This reminds me of “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath, which has a quote Aziz Ansari used in his series “Master of None”: > "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor,…

As someone who feels like I've wasted most of my 20s since graduating university (turning 29 in 2021) with a job(s) I don't see any future in, man this hits hard. My lack of risk taking, and an unfortunately timed death in the family in 2016, really are me sitting there watching these figs dry up. Damn.

I am just a year younger and also had an unfortunate family death at the end of 2016. I have a lot of the same feelings. My current resolve is to quit my job around the time the pandemic ends, and start taking more risks with how I choose to spend my life. I am lucky to have enough savings at this point to do so. Maybe I'll figure things out a bit better before I hit the big 30. I hope you can find a path that works for you too.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#157

Post by person_of_color »

akhilcacharya wrote: post #120
person_of_color wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Er, I work for a FAANG, but I'll never reach investment banking status.

lol, which FAANG is this? I have friends that joined Goldman at the same time as I started working, and I make more and work less.

If you think everyone at FAANG makes 500k at mid-senior SWE (i.e Associate) level, you're smoking something.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#158

Post by DougN7 »

selimthegrim wrote: post #64
rayiner wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The nice thing about a culture that exalts “I raised kids and they turned out well” as a “life well lived metric” is that its broadly accessible. You can be born below average in intelligence and creativity and still be a good dad or mom, participate in local civic organizations, etc.

What if your kids reject you and want nothing to do with you?

I know of a few cases where this has happened. In one case the parents were abusive, so this is on them. The other case was great parents and an immature youth. With time that youth will mature and come around when he recognizes the goodness in his parents. In the end, it’s success if you raise your kids with love.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#159

Post by dorchadas »

xvedejas wrote: post #156
dorchadas wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who feels like I've wasted most of my 20s since graduating university (turning 29 in 2021) with a job(s) I don't see any future in, man this hits hard. My lack of risk taking, and an unfortunately timed death in the family in 2016, really are me sitting there watching these figs dry up. Damn.

I am just a year younger and also had an unfortunate family death at the end of 2016. I have a lot of the same feelings. My current resolve is to quit my job around the time the pandemic ends, and start taking more risks with how I choose to spend my life. I am lucky to have enough savings at this point to do so. Maybe I'll figure things out a bit better before I hit the big 30. I hope you can find a path that works…

Yeah, the pandemic is the only reason I'm still in my job currently. I had an option to go do a masters, but I was talking to a recruiter in that country and they mentioned how badly the market had dropped, so I decided to postpone it once again due to wanting stability in a pandemic. Hopefully it'll work out this next year.

And I hope you find that path too.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#160

Post by warent »

abnercoimbre wrote: post #150
costcopizza wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel the exact same way, and am the exact same age. But we’re 29, not 49 or even 39. There’re still figs on the tree.

29 and ditto. You know the phrase "30's is the new 20's." There's some truth to it, right?

I've never really understood what this means. Did people in their 20s have their life pretty well together in the past? or does it mean when you're in your 30s is the best time to start partying and throwing caution to the wind? Is your 30s when you first leave home and get a higher education? It's really a really confusing turn of phrase to me. I must be missing context
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