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Who Americans spend their time with, by age

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Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#151

Post by war1025 »

tristor wrote: post #39

I think it'd be interesting to see this data split by gender as well as by age cohort. I think we'd find that men juncture towards spending time alone sooner than women, and that they start out with a higher level of being alone. Those are just my assumptions though.

> I think we'd find that men juncture towards spending time alone sooner than women

This is interesting to me because my dad was far more social while I was growing up than my mom ever was.

I feel like I am also much more social than my wife is.

I guess there may be trends by gender, but I'd guess it's not nearly so clear cut.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#152

Post by polka_haunts_us »

Swizec wrote: post #146
burade wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's only meddling if you're way too stressed out by trying to keep up with capitalism. If you live a simple life without too much stress then it's not really meddling.

No it’s definitely meddling when you’re 30+ and your mom waltzes into your kitchen and says “Mmmmm are you sure that knife goes in that drawer? And when’s the last time you did the dishes anyway look at this mess”

And then heaven forbid if you have different political views from them, especially in 2020. My mom treats me very weirdly, not because I actually voted for Trump, but because I don't spend my days ranting about how he's Satan incarnate like she does.

My sister aligns politically with my mom and she moved to MONGOLIA to get away from her. I'm glad for people who truly like their families, but not all of us won that particular genetic lottery.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#153

Post by mcguire »

abduhl wrote: post #76
kenjackson wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it that poor? During the pandemic my son has stayed in touch with his friends on the phone in these big group chats and smaller chats as well. I’m amazed at how natural it has become for them. They talk, gossip, play games (Roblox, Fortnite, nba 2k), and even watch YouTube and TikTok together. I think the model they created will persist into post Covid, with the addition of physical connection.

It is a poor substitution. Online groups nowadays are inherently exclusive and degenerative: they very rarely grow to include new individuals who were not in from the start and often will shrink over time as people feel slighted by something or another and disengage. There is no opportunity for growth. Social groups get crystallized and social growth stunted.

Do you have a source for that?

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#154

Post by cm2012 »

frakt0x90 wrote: post #83
burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

I experienced this first hand when I visited my wife's family in Vietnam. All 10 or so of them live in homes side by side on the outskirts of Saigon. Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other. Every day was like a little party. It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. I have never experienced anything like that in the US. Of course having family literally at your doorstep has its…

This model works when you have a nice family. It sucks horribly when the family is a toxic one.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#155

Post by mcguire »

urban_strike wrote: post #144
watwut wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

However, we have not been hunter gatherers for thousands of years. And we also live healthier and longer lives then they did.

Longer on average, yes, but I highly doubt healthier. I think we'd be in awe of the average health/fitness of a 30 year old hunter gatherer from 100,000 years ago, compared with the average corresponding human in modern times.

Well, those who had survived to 30...

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#156

Post by abduhl »

ed312 wrote: post #84
abduhl wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is a poor substitution. Online groups nowadays are inherently exclusive and degenerative: they very rarely grow to include new individuals who were not in from the start and often will shrink over time as people feel slighted by something or another and disengage. There is no opportunity for growth. Social groups get crystallized and social growth stunted.

Does that same process not naturally play out as kids turn into adults? (e.g. college freshmen massive friend groups -> 10 years later only really talk / hang out with 10 or so folks)

I'm responding to this comment as a response to all the comments which all seem to have a similar tone. I think it's important to remember that kids are at a different stage in their life than adults. Having small locked in social groups from a young age is bad: it limits experiences, creates echo chambers, and ultimately can lead to stunted growth. The most important thing about what you said re: kids turning into adults is that they had the chance to select their 10 or so folks from a massive friend group. Locking in a social group when your choices up to that point in life are the people you went to elementary school with is likely to have severe consequences, and that is the real harm of shutting in-person schooling down.

I won't even touch on the idea/harm of replacing physical connections with purely online ones. A lot of my friends are people I have met via the internet, but our friendships have often been cemented by eventually meeting up in person. I suspect the same is true for most people who talk about their extensive online social graph.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#157

Post by t-writescode »

grumple wrote: post #61

Interesting. Totally anecdotal here, but here are my thoughts: As I get older, I see less value in friendships, mostly because I realize that many of my friendships didn't serve me and added a lot of stress to my life (and distracted from time that could have been spent on career / legacy). Meanwhile, time invested in my personal life, hobbies, and career pays off in spades - spending a few months getting better at a…

Interesting.

As I get older, the more value I see with friendships, even though many of them have added stress to my life. Some of the ones that I've had are of immeasurable importance and are worth the horror and the slog of the less interesting ones.

I already make more than enough to really worry about anything, so the constant increase in money hasn't driven me for a good 6 years. What I miss, though, are the good friendships I've had along the way.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#158

Post by t-writescode »

throwmylifawy wrote: post #79
grumple wrote: post #61

Interesting. Totally anecdotal here, but here are my thoughts: As I get older, I see less value in friendships, mostly because I realize that many of my friendships didn't serve me and added a lot of stress to my life (and distracted from time that could have been spent on career / legacy). Meanwhile, time invested in my personal life, hobbies, and career pays off in spades - spending a few months getting better at a…

Yeah I agree, it is funny hearing younger people claim that all of their friends are their best friends and as they get older their relationships dwindle. I suspect that it is crucial for young people to have more relationships in order to socialize them during early development. Once you hit your 40's having too many relationships becomes a burden.

And yet so many people on the internet mourn the difficulty of acquiring friends in their 30s, so perhaps having too many relationships is a good problem to have, given how hard it is to find someone.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#159

Post by cgs »

grumple wrote: post #61

Interesting. Totally anecdotal here, but here are my thoughts: As I get older, I see less value in friendships, mostly because I realize that many of my friendships didn't serve me and added a lot of stress to my life (and distracted from time that could have been spent on career / legacy). Meanwhile, time invested in my personal life, hobbies, and career pays off in spades - spending a few months getting better at a…

I said the same thing, then covid helped me realize the people I have been trying to befriend I don't actually like all that much! Being really picky about who you spend your precious time with and for what reasons makes a big difference. Friendships (with the right people) can really enrich your life.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#160

Post by axaxs »

jvanderbot wrote: post #134
dcolkitt wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The Western nuclear family is a very unnatural social arrangement. Anthropologists have found that in most hunter-gatherers, the average infant is held at one point or another by 30+ people in a typical day. The nuclear family has the twin downsides of putting tons of stress on parents of young kids, who shoulder the entire childcare burden, and deprives a lot of grandparents, aunts, cousins, and others of meaningful…

A more "natural" arrangement occurs if we all don't run to large cities chasing glory and gold (which I have done, full disclosure, much to my child-caring woes). There is nothing wrong with nuclear families if you add in something like "nuclear communities". In many small towns or suburban cities, 3 generations live nearby, with all the aunts and uncles. Help with care is always next door, and children are raised wi…

I experienced this in the small town suburb I lived in once. There were always random kids in and out of the house, we'd give them food/water/bandaids whatever. Tell jokes/stories. Even though we aren't related, we all knew each other and our kids just kinda bounced around together. Definitely a cool experience.

I think the media making the entire world out to be some bogeyman waiting to kidnap your child is as much to blame as anything.

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