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The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

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Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#151

Post by yummyfajitas »

jobrahms wrote: post #79
RickHull wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Funny, I can't imagine being overweight as anything but irresponsible (mod specific health issues). And it is pretty much all on you. One thing that can be very helpful is to schedule exercise with other people (e.g. spouse). It's easier to get going with a group, it's more fun, and there is a social cost to canceling. You don't even have to do the same exercises -- just go to the gym or pool or park or whatever and…

I agree that in the end it's personal responsibility that determines whether you're overweight or healthy. But it has to be said that it has become more difficult to be thin (at least in western societies) given the ease with which most of us can obtain high energy/fat foods. Add to that the fact that most food producers have profit margins as their motivators instead of the population's health, and you can see why i…

If people weren't buying and eating crap, food producers would attempt to increase their profit margins by selling healthy food.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#152

Post by gaius »

tomjen3 wrote: post #139
jobrahms wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree that in the end it's personal responsibility that determines whether you're overweight or healthy. But it has to be said that it has become more difficult to be thin (at least in western societies) given the ease with which most of us can obtain high energy/fat foods. Add to that the fact that most food producers have profit margins as their motivators instead of the population's health, and you can see why i…

Actually in some ways it is getting easier (for the geeks, anyway): * adblock - no stupid commercials for fastfood places, etc * Downloaded tv (whether brought from iTunes or downloaded from thepiratebay.org) doesn't contain commercials. Add that a personal mp3 player means you are less likely to hear radio and it becomes that much more difficult to sell you stuff.

Apart from consumer electronics.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#153

Post by tomjen3 »

gaius wrote: post #152
tomjen3 wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Actually in some ways it is getting easier (for the geeks, anyway): * adblock - no stupid commercials for fastfood places, etc * Downloaded tv (whether brought from iTunes or downloaded from thepiratebay.org) doesn't contain commercials. Add that a personal mp3 player means you are less likely to hear radio and it becomes that much more difficult to sell you stuff.

Apart from consumer electronics.

Which you really shoudn't eat.

But sure I spend more on electronics than I used to.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#154

Post by webuiarchitect »

You can hardly call that a 'marriage'. Its just another adjustment you would do even with your roommate.

I've been married for last 8 years and also have a kid. I feel, the best of marriage is lived when you share everything - talk out every feeling - help each other achieve the small dreams - LIVE together! Every relationship, even a mother-child/friends/brother-sister - they all have conflicts - and most of it because of expectations. Without 'expectations' there cannot exist a relation. The key is to achieve the balance - try to give enough space/freedom to each other so that both gets to do the things they enjoy the most - try to find your happiness in the same, if you can, or at least support it in some way.

For household responsibilities, it should be equally and mutually shared. But 'don't talk so much' is definitely not the approach to avoid conflicts. We are not machines; the whole point of 'living' is to 'share'; and Humans Do Need to Share. What else do you need to marry for? Better stay bachelor, if you don't think you can shoulder the responsibility to 'share' and handle 'expectations'.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#155

Post by khafra »

hartror wrote: post #54
roc wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wouldn't stop there. In my experience, people who nag believe themselves to be "making an effort". Indeed, they think they're doing the right thing . Willingness to put in the effort is a good first start, but it's not enough. Many people clearly don't understand why certain things do or don't work. And there's as much to be learned from study and experience in the right way to work at a relationship as there is in…

I guess I simplified it a little to far. "Making an effort" also involves continually examining your own behavior, testing if it is constructive and helping the situation. This sort of self examination is a very useful tool and can be applied in all facets of life, social and career.

"Make a DIY Science effort[1]" might have worked.

[1] http://lesswrong.com/lw/3wh/science_do_it_yourself/

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#156

Post by mkr-hn »

yummyfajitas wrote: post #151
jobrahms wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree that in the end it's personal responsibility that determines whether you're overweight or healthy. But it has to be said that it has become more difficult to be thin (at least in western societies) given the ease with which most of us can obtain high energy/fat foods. Add to that the fact that most food producers have profit margins as their motivators instead of the population's health, and you can see why i…

If people weren't buying and eating crap, food producers would attempt to increase their profit margins by selling healthy food.

It's a feedback loop.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#157

Post by khafra »

cynicalkane wrote: post #92
haploid wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Both you and yummyfajitas are making the classic error of espousing an unpopular opinion amongst people who tend to irrationally believe magical romantic things about evolved bags of meat. It's a fairly well established biological fact( caveat - there are of course exceptions )that female primates, including humans, respond sexually favorably toward high status behavior on the part of males. The Red Queen is a good b…

Both you and yummyfajitas are making the classic error of falling for cynical pop-science just so stories. This evolutionary psychology and biology stuff applied to humans is still pretty new and pretty far from "well established biological fact", and it comes with all the caveats of human behavioral research plus the added trappings of being a scientific fad. In particular, there is plenty of room in evo-psych for p…

Note that for many of us human males, it takes a huge effort to avoid seeming needy, predict our significant other's desires, and act to fulfill those desires in a dominant and take-charge kind of way. It's quite a bit harder than making an effort and showing it.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#158

Post by khafra »

loewenskind wrote: post #140
jobrahms wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You overlook the fact that making effort (and most importantly following through) gets you sex. Happy wife = happy life. It's not beneath you to try to make your partner happy. And if she responds the way you're implying - I'm sorry, something is probably wrong with her.

>Happy wife = happy life I hate this phrase, it's the battle cry of those who do whatever their wife says and laugh with their buddies about how whipped they are. Marriage is a balancing act. Of course you have to change and give in where appropriate but if you do everything she says she wants you will lower her opinion of you (as it should, since you're a coward).

I encourage you to marry. If you find a good wife, you will be happy. If not, you will become a philosopher.

-- Socrates

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#159

Post by khafra »

chopsueyar wrote: post #18

Do the dishes. Buying a dishwasher was one of the best purchases for our relationship.

It's amazing how much ROI you can get from things like that. I lived in utter peace, harmony, and sanitation with 2 roommates for a while, and the $90 we paid to have a maid come by every two weeks and clean the townhouse was money well spent.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#160

Post by jobrahms »

loewenskind wrote: post #140
jobrahms wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You overlook the fact that making effort (and most importantly following through) gets you sex. Happy wife = happy life. It's not beneath you to try to make your partner happy. And if she responds the way you're implying - I'm sorry, something is probably wrong with her.

>Happy wife = happy life I hate this phrase, it's the battle cry of those who do whatever their wife says and laugh with their buddies about how whipped they are. Marriage is a balancing act. Of course you have to change and give in where appropriate but if you do everything she says she wants you will lower her opinion of you (as it should, since you're a coward).

Happy wife = happy life only works if your wife thinks "Happy husband = happy life". The premise of the phrase, for me, is that you're actually married to the right person.

But way to read too far into a silly little phrase and call me a coward, Mr. Anonymous Internet Man.

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