Interested in improving your relationships? Try Nonviolent Communication

> Brilliant marketing move though, calling it "nonviolent communication", implying that any other form of communication is violent.

Thanks, I've been trying to put my finger on what irks me about this and I think this is it. I tend to have a strong negative reaction to people trying to control a conversation by framing it with loaded language. It's dishonest and manipulative and you see it all the time.

Perhaps a better name would help, such as "Non-hostile communication". There is no such thing as violent communication, and the confusion between speech and violence is precisely what is driving the current pro-censorship wave.

I like the core idea of the technique, but every time I read about it, the phrasing feels very contrived. Maybe sounds better when people are used to it and don't just follow the template.

Yes, but that's true of any conflict resolution framework.

The goal of using NVC isn't to get your way, it's to achieve a mutual understanding. What you do with that understanding is left to the reader.

>>>Your workplace sounds toxic

Well, it's the Marine Corps. It ain't a rose garden.[1][2]

>>>full of backstabbing jerks

Actually quite the contrary. If anything we are well-known for our solidarity.[3] Assuming there aren't issues due to rank/the command hierarchy, most personal disagreements are handled face-to-face. People try to stiff-arm work responsibilities off to other offices but I think that is endemic to any ridiculously large and sluggish bureaucratic organization.

>>> Am I misunderstand you?

I think so.

It's a work culture that is optimized for conditions of 100% stress, where people's lives are at stake. We have a communication system and culture that is built to support the worst conditions, and honed over 225+ years. Even though we spend 99% of our time at, say, 10% stress levels in an office environment, it's easier to "dial down" our methods rather than "dial up" something less robust.

NVC strikes me as the sort of methodology designed and tested for a 5% stress office environment. If you attempted to employ it in the most critical communications scenario (arguably a contested beach assault), it would be an utter failure. Based on the OP's link, Steps #2 and #4 are the biggest failure points IMO.

"How do you feel about NOT retreating away from your objective?" "What are your thoughts on possibly doing a frontal attack on that machinegun nest?"

We would end the day all face-down in pools of our own blood trying to communicate like that.

Now, one might be inclined to retort that as our organization has a selection process that weeds out those who can't handle 100% stress, there is an inherent bias in the viability of our methods to integrate with the regular civilian workforce. But the counter-examples are our on-site contractors, some of which have NO military experience. Most of them still integrate just fine. Not all though:

IT Contractor A: A direct speaker. About 40yo. Also a jiu-jitsu purple belt. Kinda a "quiet badass". Fits in well.

IT Contractor B: A smarmy, weaselly character. Late 20's. Can't handle people speaking harshly.

These two had an exchange that essentially went like this:

Contractor A: "Hey I need X. And it's a time-sensitive priority."

Contractor B: "Could you possibly ask nicer next time?"

Contractor A: "Could you possibly do your job next time?"

Then Contractor A came back to the office and shared the story, to which pretty much everyone, from the 19yo Lance Corporals to 35+ guys felt "OMFG, sometimes I wanna throat-punch that dude (B). Ask nicer? WTF? Like people are gonna be asking nice for things if Chinese ballistic missiles are ever raining down on us? Does he not know where he is? If he can't handle it he should go back to hiding in an office in Northern Virginia."

We would go on to have numerous problems with Contractor B, most of them stemming from his "feelings". I'm not gonna go onto a rant about direct-vs-indirect counseling methods and some additional leadership anecdotes/case studies though. Hopefully that added some clarity.

[1]https://donshomette.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/rose1.png?w=...

[2]https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQJOCLU...

[3]https://www.forbes.com/sites/donesmond/2014/11/13/marines-ta...