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How bullying may shape adolescent brains
151–160 of 184 posts
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#152I was bullied badly as a child and am permanently suicidal, with no trusting relationships and failed life: homeless, mentally ruined, no career, assets, accomplishment, etc. It’s to the point where, decades after having said to self “people are shit and I don’t want to be alive anymore” as a child, I turned down a million dollar inheritance to keep close to a permanently suicidal self-imposed destiny. It’s difficult…
I think it's incredibly mature of you to realize this and accept it without the anger towards women that is so common among young men these days.
It's not mature of him. Bullying is not a valid filtering process; it's childish violence. He's clearly still dealing with the lies he was told by the people around him. If you have this sort of self-hating perspective, you should seek therapy, because you don't have to live that way.
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#15350-something here. I was bullied a lot in elementary, jr. high and high school probably because I was the nerdy kid who was into science. We also moved a lot so I was always the outsider. While my home life was fine (my parents were great) I do suffer from anxiety and difficulty staying in a job for more than a year or two. I've only recently started to make the connection with the bullying I received. Back in the 70…
Anxiety as an emotion is very similar to excitement. Sam Harris discusses this a lot. I never got from him what exactly the difference is, but the other day in the car, I felt excited and started really analyzing why.
What I believe now is that the difference between anxiety and excitement is: perception of outcome.
If you have a positive expected outcome, you are excited. If you have a negative expected outcome you are anxious.
The next step, is to convert anxiety into excitement. I'm still working on this part. I think this is where "little victories" come into play. If you have a series of successes that can change your perception of outcome from negative to positive it might work over the long term.
In the short term, "happy thoughts" might work. "You can do it!!" Encouragement. Confidence.
Of course all of this is very new to me, so these are mostly just my hypotheses, but I plan to examine the ideas in more detail and see what I can do with it...
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#154Here's my take: For most people, success in life, is tied up with your self-confidence. If you think you're gonna fail, you probably are - unless you happen to be wildly talented at something, and can stumble your way to success. In fact, many people will not even try, because they lacked the confidence. It could be academia, work, relationships, hobbies, If you've been conditioned to believe that you: suck, have no…
While I agree... I do think there's something to be said for experiencing at least some negative interactions growing up. In the end, life isn't meant to be fair, but having the skills to work through, interact and negotiate in less than advantageous or fair scenarios is an important life skill.
I've interacted with enough millennial that are excessively entitled with a lot of ignorance to how free markets or capitalism works in practice.
edit: I'm not supporting persistent bullying, I experienced a lot of it through Jr HS and into HS.
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#155Earlier quoted context omitted.
Your Mom?! Holy crap, that's a source that hadn't occurred to me. Good job getting it together - that must have been a tough row to hoe.
Try being the anxious daughter to a perfectionistic but insecure mother. You're one of the lucky ones if it has never occurred to you that mothers can be terrible bullies.
My mom was one of four sisters... whose mom was one of three sisters... That's a lot of unbalanced dysfunction to grow up into. I grew up with a dad who tried to get me to well adjusted and a mom who treated me like a broken girl, as opposed to a boy. They both wound up working against each other (not intentionally), and I was close to 40 before I would consider myself at a relatively well adjusted point in my life.
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#156Here's my take: For most people, success in life, is tied up with your self-confidence. If you think you're gonna fail, you probably are - unless you happen to be wildly talented at something, and can stumble your way to success. In fact, many people will not even try, because they lacked the confidence. It could be academia, work, relationships, hobbies, If you've been conditioned to believe that you: suck, have no…
Sounds right. I was always talented and successful until 2014 when I started getting bullied, when I moved to SF. It’s been downhill since then. I’m now homeless with faded skills and vocabulary and no confidence. Feels like I’ll never get back to a normal life, and indeed at each job the bullying has become more intense and flagrant.
Try something a bit further from the big city coasts... There's a lot of stability in Phoenix, Austin and Atlanta and not nearly as polarizing. Yeah some of the politics are a bit different if you're part of SF culture, but generally you can avoid it out here (I'm in Phoenix).
Phoenix in particular, regarding software jobs is mostly backend business work, with a surprising amount of line of business and banking work. Austin, from what I understand is heading more progressive, and Atlanta is some where in between. Definitely going to see less brogramming or "only progressive views allowed" cultures.
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#15750-something here. I was bullied a lot in elementary, jr. high and high school probably because I was the nerdy kid who was into science. We also moved a lot so I was always the outsider. While my home life was fine (my parents were great) I do suffer from anxiety and difficulty staying in a job for more than a year or two. I've only recently started to make the connection with the bullying I received. Back in the 70…
Anxiety as an emotion is very similar to excitement. Sam Harris discusses this a lot. I never got from him what exactly the difference is, but the other day in the car, I felt excited and started really analyzing why. What I believe now is that the difference between anxiety and excitement is: perception of outcome. If you have a positive expected outcome, you are excited . If you have a negative expected outcome you…
Anxiety, at least medically speaking, seems to be a loaded word. I've been told I had "anxiety" for some health related symptoms I had experienced, though I feel nothing like excitement nor dread. It's a very strange thought...almost what I might call 'subconscious anxiety'. As in, I don't mind people and am not anti social. But sometimes, in large noisy crowds, would feel lightheaded as if were going to pass out. Never really figured that one out - just wanted to point out that anxiety isn't always just a person thinking negatively.
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#158Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yup, that's exactly what narcissism is. "I can't possibly deal with being made to feel like a loser, so I will hurt those who might otherwise threaten my exaggerated ego". It's not a healthy mindset at all, it's a sign of serious pathology.
Aren't most people like this, though?
Nobody likes being made to feel like a loser, but not everybody feels some sort of entitlement to hurt others as a way of coping.
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#15950-something here. I was bullied a lot in elementary, jr. high and high school probably because I was the nerdy kid who was into science. We also moved a lot so I was always the outsider. While my home life was fine (my parents were great) I do suffer from anxiety and difficulty staying in a job for more than a year or two. I've only recently started to make the connection with the bullying I received. Back in the 70…
Anxiety as an emotion is very similar to excitement. Sam Harris discusses this a lot. I never got from him what exactly the difference is, but the other day in the car, I felt excited and started really analyzing why. What I believe now is that the difference between anxiety and excitement is: perception of outcome. If you have a positive expected outcome, you are excited . If you have a negative expected outcome you…
I’m not buying that anxiety is similar to excitement. Maybe in that both can make people act brashly and make shortsighted judgements. But the effect on a person at even a hormonal level is different. I doubt excitement releases the same inflammatory response that anxiety does. Anxiety also reinforces itself while excitement progressively requires newer stimuli to produce further excitement with a decreasing effect.
Re: How bullying may shape adolescent brains
#160Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think the problem is difficulty defining bullying. Fighting is easy, if you hit someone then you broke the rules, but bullying has a much more blurry line. At my school there was some attempt to crack down on bullying, but instances of bullying were regularly dismissed or reframed as "just banter".
If someone's banter is making someone else's life worse, it's not just banter.
How is that different than just saying anything you don't like is bullying?