The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

Post by treypitt » Mon, Sep 23, 2019, 5:58 PM UTC

Porthos9K wrote: post #54

not_a_moth wrote: post #11

I think the essential office chitchat issue is "being yourself" vs. "seeming like a high quality professional". I've found out the hard way that relaxing and aiming for a real conversation carries a high % chance of saying something unbecoming of a team leader. Better pay attention to appearances when you're at work. I don't understand coworkers who say silly things at the lunch table without a second thought, or tho…

I'm not a team leader and have no interest in becoming one. Moreover, I spent most of my adult life hiding behind a professional persona and all it did was make me miserable because people only noticed me when they wanted something from me. I'm done with that nonsense. I won't embarrass the company, insult clients, or create a hostile work environment but otherwise I'm not going to pretend that I left my personality…

Post by Tade0 » Mon, Sep 23, 2019, 6:20 PM UTC

peterwwillis wrote: post #52

Tade0 wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I don't understand coworkers who say silly things at the lunch table without a second thought I'm such a coworker. Two reasons I do this: 1. I don't care about "upward mobility". 2. People don't see me as a threat to theirs, which is a good thing, because you don't want an overly ambitious junior developer trying to prove his(or hers) worth by picking on you. Reason 0. is that weirdly enough it's good to appear som…

> 1. I don't care about "upward mobility". Wait long enough and you'll probably find younger people will do your job for cheaper, unless you can prove you're worth promoting. Some people can really stick it out, but usually by job security ("Larry is the only one who knows AIX and we can't replace it") > 2. People don't see me as a threat to theirs Eventually there will be layoffs, at which point you don't want to be…

Post by twoquestions » Mon, Sep 23, 2019, 7:25 PM UTC

RugnirViking wrote: post #150

twoquestions wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Except the incentives are aligned to be a Hobbesian war of all against all. There is no incentive to collaborate or team up at all. Ever wonder why shows like Survivor and Battle Royale games are so popular? That's how office life is these days. Nobody is ever "in your corner" as you put it. Everyone is always and forever trying to gut everyone else in a neverending zero sum game. Unless you work in a new/high growth…

I'm fascinated to see if you just work in bizzare confrontational companies or are just paranoid. Pretty much everywhere I've been I've gotten on well with my coworkers, chatted about videogames, beer, gone to various resturants for lunch, and generally enjoyed myself. To do anything else would seem almost unbearable - and this comes from a 100% introvert. There are subtle signals that people have to both recognise a…

Post by saddestcatever » Mon, Sep 23, 2019, 7:31 PM UTC

lonelappde wrote: post #138

Loq wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

one reason I do like working remote is that I don't have to deal with others' grade 8 drama skills!

But then you have to deal with their 8th grade writing skills.

Post by Porthos9K » Mon, Sep 23, 2019, 9:19 PM UTC

treypitt wrote: post #151

Porthos9K wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not a team leader and have no interest in becoming one. Moreover, I spent most of my adult life hiding behind a professional persona and all it did was make me miserable because people only noticed me when they wanted something from me. I'm done with that nonsense. I won't embarrass the company, insult clients, or create a hostile work environment but otherwise I'm not going to pretend that I left my personality…

do you think professionalism was the main cause of people only seeing you instrumentally? if so, I'd be interested to hear more about your definition of professionalism