Earlier quoted context omitted.
Good parenting should feel more like judo than boxing.
Can you expand a bit please? I feel there is some depth here, but I don't grasp it.
The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
151–160 of 167 posts
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#152Earlier quoted context omitted.
Agreed. Affluent mothers feed their kids well too. And give them proper medical care. And live in places safer for kids to grow up. It's actually the reason we try to make more money. Its not a game; we earn so we can live better. That's how its supposed to work.
Perhaps all children should receive good medical care, good food, and safe places to live.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#153Earlier quoted context omitted.
Look at the graph of spending on children, look at how the lines for the bottom 3 quintiles have gone down since the '80s and '90s. That's very disheartening to see, parents are going to try their hardest to give their kids the best chances, and yet 60% of families have been squeezed by the economy into providing less for their children than previous generations. This despite inflation adjusted per capita GDP nearly…
I don't know that the graph tells this story. It could be that the very slight decline in spending for the lower quintiles is from getting help that isn't counted (free preschool for example) or from products being more affordable (measuring money is not equivalent to measuring the value gotten) or from more people being able to avoid childcare expenses by being home. It could be that the major increase in spending f…
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#154Earlier quoted context omitted.
One was a pretty typical (for the time) drive by; someone in my after school youth group wore enough of the wrong color of clothing to catch the eye of the 'other' gang. We just had Saturday game night, and so were walking to Taco Bell for our unofficial after games social. As we stood at a corner waiting for a crosswalk to turn green, two or three gangbangers in a passing car opened fire with fully automatic machine…
I grew up somewhere where many law abiding citizens carry pistols in public. What is your opinion on arming oneself for defense?
(I wasn't going to make this a political response, but it's sneaking in, so here goes.)
To directly answer your question: I generally support the right of most citizens to carry properly registered weapons if they so choose. At the same time, I've read (can't cite them right now) studies that show carrying a weapon greatly increases the chance that a given criminal conflict will escalate to bloodshed. If I recall correctly, it even makes the bearer statistically more likely to be seriously hurt. If accurate, this invalidates the whole reasoning behind "arming oneself for defense". My personal experiences and observations mirror this finding: statistically speaking, it is almost always safer to not carry than it is to carry.
More to the point: I would personally rather be seriously injured in a criminal conflict than remain uninjured if that required me to kill someone.
(In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a fragile snowflake, quite the opposite.)
Of course I'll state the obvious: in both of the incidents I reported above, things would very likely have been worse if any of the people on the receiving end of violence had been armed.
So...why do I support the right to bear arms? It's not really about the 2nd amendment for me. I just tend to default to freedom unless there's a very compelling reason not to.
Guns are here in the United States, and no matter what, they aren't leaving. The only way for gun regulation to have a material impact on gun violence is to somehow get rid of most of them, which isn't going to happen.
There have been and are now many countries with many guns that don't have anything like the levels of violence that we experience in the US.
Guns aren't the fundamental problem. In my opinion, the most fundamental problem we have as a society is that we're extremely afraid. Inappropriately afraid. This problem isn't only in US, but it seems to be especially concentrated here.
There's a million nuances that I must gloss over in order to complete this reply in a reasonable amount of time. I'm very much not emotionally tied to my thoughts on this issue, as so many people are, and I'm quite open having my opinions modified with strong evidence based arguments.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#155Earlier quoted context omitted.
Well put. I personally would opt out of having a kid if I knew they were going to end up outside of the top 20%. I just don't want that life for them and I'm not sure I can guarantee that they end up in the top percentiles. > The wealth gap in this country is squeezing all the joy out of life for every penny its worth. Every capitalist society needs a periodical wealth tax, otherwise the natural accumulation of wealt…
Even if you are a millionaire your kid might end up penniless (cf. Great Depression or any number of squandered fortunes throughout history). Even if you are are born in a eastern european village you might survive a world war and end up in a comfortable American middle upper class lifestyle). You can’t guarantee anything in life, all you can do is do your best for your kid and let them fly as well as they can. And,…
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#156Earlier quoted context omitted.
Well put. I personally would opt out of having a kid if I knew they were going to end up outside of the top 20%. I just don't want that life for them and I'm not sure I can guarantee that they end up in the top percentiles. > The wealth gap in this country is squeezing all the joy out of life for every penny its worth. Every capitalist society needs a periodical wealth tax, otherwise the natural accumulation of wealt…
Geometric increase in population does a pretty good job of eroding the accumulation of wealth.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#157Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, that's upsetting. If I were paranoid, I'd consider whether it were intentional brainwashing designed to perpetuate the superiority of the white race. Of course, I'm not paranoid, so I don't think it's intentional at all. But, I do think it may have that unintended effect.
Oh come on. They’re just doing the traditional American thing of dividing everybody into two groups and acting as if that’s all the important diversity politically. Before the groups were white and black. Now they’re black and not black. NYT reporters read Asians as white in every important sense. http://www2.law.ucla.edu/volokh/asian.htm > Asians are now white. > Don't believe me? A recent MSNBC news headline announ…
I'm a little confused. Are you disagreeing with me? If so, I'm still not clear in what way.
Edit: In case my original point wasn't clear, here it is restated. When people talk about "white, affluent people" as some type of special group, when they really just mean affluent people, it connotes that white people are more likely to be affluent, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy (see: impostor syndrome).
And, yes, white people today are more likely to be affluent for a host of reasons. But I think it does a disservice to all of us to interject that at times when it's completely irrelevant.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#158“Intensive parenting is a way for especially affluent white mothers to make sure their children are maintaining their advantaged position in society,” said Jessica Calarco, a sociologist at Indiana University and author of “Negotiating Opportunities: How the Middle Class Secures Advantages in School.” I guess especially affluent mother of color don't do this? NYT conflating race and class to divide people again.
NYT isn't conflating race and class here, Jessica Calarco is.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#159Ironically we end up creating a ton of anxiety for kids. And unless we’re giving kids the love and tools needed to process that anxiety, well, then we’re missing the forest for the trees. I have three kids under five years old, and man it goes fast. My philosophy has evolved to this: they’re their own people, not extensions of our own ego, and in the limited time we have influence over them we can help them develop c…
Well said. This is basically the philosophy my wife and I developed for our now 11 year old. The temptation to hover and guide at every step is strong, but our ultimate goal is to release a fully functioning human into the world. We really can't change the core of who he is, but we can help him develop habits that work for him. We need to help him develop the tools, but he needs to succeed and/or fail on his own more and more as he gets older. Our role becomes one of reinforcement and guidance.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#160Earlier quoted context omitted.
> They simply can't handle the vacuum that opens up in their lives without the micromanagement. Maybe that has something to do with the drift of young adults to the left. They need some other authority to manage their lives.
Say what? Authoritarian politicians are on the right ! Brazil's Jair Bolsonaro isn't a leftist.