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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#151

Post by misiti3780 »

eludwig wrote: post #65

Wow, so much HN hate for Polly? It's my opinion that Polly is a national treasure. Her shameless wit and sense of humor make me smile. Her profound love of humanity makes me deeply happy. Not only that, but her writing is so poetic and lovely. Truly a gem. On the topic of this question/answer, I assume most of you are young? Or at least younger than I am. I can tell you now that the way you feel now will not last. Ch…

Only if you plan on getting married and having kids, avoid those two things and not much else changes (IMO)

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#152

Post by hnuser355 »

nostromo wrote: post #10

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

I know some American parents who very much believe what you said, but they think that it only applies to other people and not themselves.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#153

Post by fromthestart »

>I’m trying, Polly. I am. I’m dating. I’m working out and working hard. Listening to music

Yet she still refuses to lower her standards, apparently.

Empowerment can be a hell of a drug. Hell, she has dozens of articles explaining away personal responsibilit and rationalizing the wretched state of her life[1]. E.g. she has another post captioned "resist the urge to treat friendlessness as a personal failure."

I think we spent too much time teaching our generation to be confident, rather than teaching us to be competent and practical. Heather really has nothing but her own entitlement to blame, and she continues to be obvlivious.

1.https://www.thecut.com/author/heather-havrilesky/

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#154

Post by kelvin0 »

The amount of focus a person engaging too much in social media can cause this despair. Not saying it's Instagram's/FB/Tweeter's fault, but comparing yourself hourly to the 'fairy tales' out there can break even the strongest spirit.

In fact comparing yourself to others is quite a double-edged swords with it's highs and lows, and throws your emotional states off-balance.

I had a similar (but much less pronounced) experience in the first couple of years of reading HN. What was I doing? Comparing yourself to all these super-unicorn-entrepreneurs daily was taking it's toll on my appreciation of what I had already accomplished.

All things in balance. Know thyself.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#155

Post by KSteffensen »

gowld wrote: post #96
simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

I don't see what's wrong with the quoted reply. Why is it so wrong to not settle down before 35? I have friends who were settled down, had kids, and divorced by 35; should we seek to emulate their experience over being single at 35? Of course not. Nor do I see what's wrong with responding to a question with a relevant and timely personal anecdote. > And there are some things, like travel and careerism, that will not…

No one is obliged to, but many people feel the need to build or contribute to something that will outlive them. That's not hubris, it's very human.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#156

Post by nostrademons »

simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

"Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the point."

I think that was the point, given that the whole article was about letting go of shame.

Making a subtly different point - "...are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." Who's to say what "live well" actually means? I mean, you & your friend may have an idea about what it looks like, and I may have an idea about what it looks like, and chances are they might even align. But that doesn't mean that every person needs the husband and kids and career success and creative accomplishments in that image. There's a strong revealed-preference argument that the original letter-writer wasn't actually into that; she should own those choices rather than assume her life needs to look like everyone else's life.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#157

Post by wlll »

ryanmercer wrote: post #24

(Edit: see, the internet alone is part of what is wrong with the world. I share that I feel completely alone and miserable and what does the internet do? Downvote. Did you bother to comment negatively or just provide some sort of reason as to why you don't like my comment? Nah, 'here have a downvote' because you're safe and comfortable in your anonymity where you can freely show someone you don't like them because th…

> friendless

Do you get out much? I was friendless for a year until I went to the local Linux Users group. Now, almost all my friends (except one old school friend I re-connected with a year ago) are Ruby or Go user group people.

I get to see them all twice a month, I invite some of them to my birthdays, we get beers after the meetups. If it weren't for these people I'd have no friends either.

Oh, sure, no-one is going to get a girlfriend from attending these meetups, but it's a start. I now go climbing because of these people (one of the members has been doing it for ages), and the more things or groups you get involved with outside of tech the more exposure you have to candidates for a partner, or even just other friends.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#159

Post by danso »

balls187 wrote: post #69

I think the issue isn't the "wasted life" but rather how one measures their life. If she was in a committed relationship, had offspring, a home with equity, savings, and a career, there is no guarantee that would bring her fulfillment. And even if you had that fulfillment, there is no guarantee it lasts. Life is hard, it's cruel and not at all fair. And the way to survive is learn that no matter how hard it hits, you…

Thanks for sharing. I had a close friend who was in a similar situation, and came to court to support him during the custody decision. It was so emotionally draining for me even as an outsider I can't begin to imagine actually being in that situation while trying to keep a career.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#160

Post by peterburkimsher »

wlll wrote: post #132
peterburkimsher wrote: post #19

I'm a 29 year TCK who has moved around a lot because I don't actually have a place to call "home". I planned my life around trying to get Permanent Resident status in New Zealand, but now I'm struggling to find a job. My latest idea is to study a certification. Has anybody done this before, and does it work? Will that help me start a career? https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18562295

TCK? > My latest idea is to study a certification. Has anybody done this before, and does it work? Will that help me start a career? Maybe? I suspect it depends partly on where (the company) you want to work, partly why you haven't been able to find a job yet, and partly where you do (or want to) live. 1. The sort of company you want to work for Some places want certifications, degrees, etc. so if you identify those…

I'm sorry that I'm bad with people, and wrote a "privileged, muddled whinge." I grew up in the countryside and I don't know how to meet people.

Please can you teach me how to get better? If certifications aren't the answer, do you have a better solution? I'll lower my dreams and take anything, anywhere.

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