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How the Finnish survive without small talk

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Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#151

Post by Koshkin »

illuminati1911 wrote: post #7

(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…

This is not a “small talk,” this is just greeting. Similar to the British “How do you do, sir?”, to which you answer, “How do you do?” and that’s that.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#152

Post by QuantumGood »

redblacktree wrote: post #75
bluetomcat wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Customer-service interactions as they are in the US are not popular and are considered obtrusive even in more extrovert cultures such as southern and eastern Europe. Small talk there generally takes place between colleagues and friends.

As a customer, I'm not exactly interested in small talk, and I know that the service person isn't either, but I walk a fine line. Because I care about people as people, I want get the message across, "I see you. I know you're a real person and not a robot. Thank you for being here to help me get my lunch today." I think non-verbal communication goes a long way with this. (for the opposite effect, I see people order w…

Real sincerity is easily communicated via eye contact. Trying to seem sincere when not actually meaning is usually a voice tone/verbal strategy.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#153

Post by Balgair »

f_allwein wrote: post #137
Balgair wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Semi-related: My uncle grew up speaking Gaelic and learned English in his later teens and has become a successful musician, doing a lot of touring. He mentioned to me, over a few glasses, that the language of the US is Sports, not English. The doormen at hotels, the roadies, the servers in restaurants, the cashiers, the flight attendants, other musicians, etc. all of them 'spoke sports.' In his experience, if you sta…

"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?" https://youtu.be/6yN2H3--1aw

Haha! This exactly!

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#154

Post by Broken_Hippo »

vidarh wrote: post #26
illuminati1911 wrote: post #7

(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…

I'm Norwegian, and had the same experience moving to the UK. For several years I kept grumbling about how rude people were to ask and then just keep walking while I stopped to answer.

I'm American and live in Norway. I have to remind myself that when folks ask how I'm doing, they actually are curious instead of merely polite :)

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#155

Post by QuantumGood »

flurdy wrote: post #111

Norwegian living in the UK. I remember my dad when he moved over here just found the whole initial greetings and small talk with his UK colleagues really funny. And even funnier to watch his mostly Swedish colleagues struggle with the same tennis ball banter at the start of every conversation. Instead of just getting to the point straight away. I was young enough to adapt quickly, but still I struggle with insincere…

In many situations, people benefit from working together. Skill at connecting with people accrues benefits to the persons with that skill. Of course, more simply, management wants:

• Visitors with unique needs or problems checked for; • Visitors who prefer interaction made more likely to be repeat customers; • Determination of employee skill level at interaction; • A touch point for visitor questions or concerns; • Business branded as being interested in their customers; • Control over setting of social morays; • etc. etc.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#156

Post by [deleted] »

robocat wrote: post #135
unstuckdev wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I call those people annoying. I was born and raised and have lived my entire life in the US. I'm quiet, still, and prefer the same in the people around me. You can't assess over 300 million people by the few who can afford to travel.

One issue is that we generally notice the loud obnoxious stereotype, and there are enough Americans that fit that mould. And perhaps you are discounting that many people make their own judgement call based on the interactions they have had with Americans. I am not sure it has much to do with tourists per se. On the gripping hand, I am in Palma de Mallorca at the moment, which many Europeans travel to for the beach an…

[deleted]

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#157

Post by mmsimanga »

illuminati1911 wrote: post #7

(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…

In Africa we are the total opposite. We are the masters of small talk. Traditionally when you meet someone you need to ask how the person is, how his/her family are and whether or not the rains have been good (rains are an indicator for the size of the harvest nevermind that we buy most of our food now). Some people go through all the family member, how is your dad, how is your mother, how is your daughter is she enjoying school, where is your brother now, how are his kids, has the last born started grade school ... After all these greetings only then can you get to your business. I swear this is the reason Africa as a whole got left behind in terms of technological development. Half the day is passes on small talk. It does make for pleasant interactions. You get to know the person you are dealing with well as we like to say, there is no hurry in Africa. In the cities we do have less small talk.

If you ever get a chance to listen to a South African radio call-in show, you will hear just about every caller ask the show host/DJ how he or she is before airing their view. It can be irritating listening to the show host say I am fine 100 times.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#158

Post by Broken_Hippo »

vidarh wrote: post #36
varjag wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In Norway cashiers have to recite much of that (and ask if you want a receipt) due to regulations. So I wonder how much of 'custom' is that really in Japan too.

My French-teacher in Norway told me this story as a way of relating how terse Norwegians tended to be relative to the French. She insisted it was about someone she knew, but I have no idea if it's true: A Norwegian husband took his French wife to live in Norway. She was at home while he went to work, and after a few months he invited another couple home to dinner. Most of the conversation happened in French or Englis…

Thank you for this - I got quite a giggle. I'm living in Norway and am from the states, and I sometimes do weird stuff like that. Lots of laughs from stuff like that, and I'm quite happy the spouse is Norwegian to laugh and explain that stuff.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#159

Post by hrktb »

QuantumGood wrote: post #150
hrktb wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel this is in the same vein as asking every girl on the street if she wants to have a drink. That definitely can be one way to meet one’s life partner. But it’s so grating from the other side, even if the request is very polite and non pushy. Some people live for the human contact, others don’t want any. Honestly it’s a PITA when the social norm puts an obligation to respond, even briefly, to not seem rude. If it…

A lot of life is dealing with things that are a PITA, and there are advantages in developing skill dealing with them. Develop a strategy, practice. Lots of books and articles about this.

In this particular case, for some it’s a PITA and for some a pleasure in life or at least something they seek out.

That unbalance is the interesting part I think, just like so many things in life where changing perspective is needed to deal with people.

About books and articles...It’s another topic, but I don’t know, I find a lot of these have a “how to fix your personality” angle that is just innapropriate and/or unproductive. Becoming an extravert or small talk guru shouldn’t be the goal. And, as you say, developping strategies to have less people noise and more mindful communication is usually so personal, while not being that hard, that it’s not a very good subject for a self help book.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#160

Post by thaumasiotes »

SilasX wrote: post #92
illuminati1911 wrote: post #7

(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…

Am 36yo American, lived here all my life. It still feels dissonant not to give a substantive answer to "how are you".

I have a big problem with this as well. Once, while studying in Shanghai, an (Italian) classmate asked me and, seeing my usual struggle to respond, remarked "this question is always so difficult for you".
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