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How to get kids to pay attention

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Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#151

Post by samplesizeme »

jinfiesto wrote: post #143

I often wonder whether this has a lot to do with how we treat our kids. I often catch myself acting uninterested in my daughter's interests (she's two and often wants to show me things for the 50th time that were pretty boring in the first place.) She doesn't have any attention or behavioral issues in general, but I was amazed when a friend of mine came to visit who is an early music educator. They didn't do anything…

My perspective shifted over time as I watched children become teens, then adults, and marvelling at how I thought of them changed.

It sounds lame, but I came to think of kids a people too vs just children. As in they are adults whose brains haven't finished wiring themselves and they deserve not just to be treated with respect, but also to be thought of respectfully. It's obvious to me now, I mean I can remember how some adults treated me all the way back to 3 yrs old or so. I'm that kid, just older.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#152

Post by [deleted] »

mhb wrote: post #47
nickjj wrote: post #5

What's really interesting to me is this same thing can be applied to adults too. The article writes: > For starters, he says, ask your kid this question: 'What would you do if you didn't have to do anything else?' I often wonder what civilization would be like if adults asked the same question to themselves and then lead a life where they focused on that instead of being pressured into "making a living".

Is this really so hard to figure out? Very few people would do things which are useful to keep civilization running if they have a choice. Look at what people do with their leisure time - watch commercial TV, play video games, look at nonsense on Facebook. It wouldn't be pretty.

[deleted]

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#153

Post by FooHentai »

scarejunba wrote: post #125
Izkata wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And the view of children as mini adults who could be useful, if properly trained, has been the default parenting style for thousands of years. I remember reading a theory, long ago, that the absence of this is the entire source of teenage rebellion. Like the children from Guatemala in this article, it also said that this phenomenon pretty much only exists in "westernized" countries. Basically, the theory is that pu…

Well, my parents gave me lots of freedom but I acted out like an angsty fuck anyway. Seriously, I had what you guys are talking about here: from the age of 3, I had a large area to explore filled with cobras, scorpions, and animals. Play with my friends (who I had to find in the neighbourhood - hard enough since houses were half a km away from each other) was self-directed. Then we moved to the city at 11, and I was…

I hear you, but there's a distinction between open-ended autonomy and being provided with structure in which adult behaviour is incentivised. They're different things each of which are beneficial in different ways.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#154

Post by ryan-allen »

usaphp wrote: post #148
jinfiesto wrote: post #143

I often wonder whether this has a lot to do with how we treat our kids. I often catch myself acting uninterested in my daughter's interests (she's two and often wants to show me things for the 50th time that were pretty boring in the first place.) She doesn't have any attention or behavioral issues in general, but I was amazed when a friend of mine came to visit who is an early music educator. They didn't do anything…

> She was very present and respectful with regards to my daughter's interests and what my daughter wanted to do. I am sure if she came over to your place for 50+ times she would also act different than the first time. I think It’s ok to be bored with a 2 year old request to show the same book or the same picture over and over and over again.

Or Fortnite, or Minecraft.

I'm not sure how to solve for this, but I'm trying to instill that conversations and interactions have to be two way, so just because "you are interested in X" doesn't mean that talking at someone over and over about things they are not interested in isn't a way to foster satisfying interactions for all parties involved.

A parent might placate and be always "oh that's so interesting!", but their peers? Their peers might ignore them leaving the kid confused as to the response.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#155

Post by ryan-allen »

unit91 wrote: post #109

I have 6 kids, and I've found it's pretty simple to get kids to pay attention (or anything else). Be consistent, and willing to discipline if necessary. Here's the order I follow: 1. Polite request 2. Polite command 3. Stern command 4. Warning 5. Push-ups 6. Spanking They know I love them and because of that love obedience is required. Situations rarely escalate past step 2, and step 6 is memorable. ETA: for anything…

> no matter what they confess, they will NOT receive punishment. I want them to learn by reflection.

this is interesting, i will try this.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#156

Post by naveen99 »

pnathan wrote: post #136

It's very hard to compare a hunter gatherer / traditional village society to the modern urban & educated society and have meaningful takeaways. The crux of the matter is the requirement for responsibility. Rather than have this goofy teenagehood that runs from 13-25, forcing the matter of responsibility at an earlier age and accepting the failures is a critical difference. Protecting children and ensuring they are no…

What about corporate policies that refuse to do business with minors ? You can’t even use Uber as a 16 year old.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#157

Post by bmn__ »

__blockcipher__ wrote: post #75
Forge36 wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Correction without direction doesn't explain the problem. I figured out what you meant, however it doesn't help the author correct their mistake.

It’s also not a “real” grammatical rule. Just a bunch of prescriptive nonsense

"He took care of my brother and I." "He took care of my brother and me."

Which is correct? Remove the non-self part.

"He took care of I." "He took care of me."

"Me" is correct because it's the object.

----

"My brother and I climbed a hill." "My brother and me climbed a hill."

Which is correct? Remove the non-self part.

"I climbed a hill." "Me climbed a hill."

"I" is correct because it's the subject.

----

This is a real grammatical rule. It is prescriptive, that's what grammar means.

You can keep not believing it, but that does not make it any less true.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#158

Post by icc97 »

jinfiesto wrote: post #143

I often wonder whether this has a lot to do with how we treat our kids. I often catch myself acting uninterested in my daughter's interests (she's two and often wants to show me things for the 50th time that were pretty boring in the first place.) She doesn't have any attention or behavioral issues in general, but I was amazed when a friend of mine came to visit who is an early music educator. They didn't do anything…

> I often catch myself acting uninterested in my daughter's interests

I read a book that talk about how to improve on this [0], when ever my 5yo daughter shows me some of her drawings I try to take notice of some detail and comment on it, not just say 'that's nice dear'. She draws masses and masses of pictures of stick girls in dresses, but I always try to find some detail that she's done different.

We often draw or paint together, maybe once or twice a week. The last time we did it, I painted a picture of a boat on the sea, she painted a space portal that takes you to another world.

[0]: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/769016.How_to_Talk_So_Ki...

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#159

Post by icc97 »

> "Of course she can go shopping," Tun Burgos says. "She can buy some eggs or tomatoes for us. She knows the way and how to stay out of traffic."

I wonder how much this has to do with the value of child life.

What are the statistics of Mayan children being run over / kidnapped?

I can't imagine it's somehow safer in Mexico, just somehow parents are more willing / less informed to take this risk.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#160

Post by vickychijwani »

icc97 wrote: post #159

> "Of course she can go shopping," Tun Burgos says. "She can buy some eggs or tomatoes for us. She knows the way and how to stay out of traffic." I wonder how much this has to do with the value of child life. What are the statistics of Mayan children being run over / kidnapped? I can't imagine it's somehow safer in Mexico, just somehow parents are more willing / less informed to take this risk.

I don't have the stats you're looking for, but I would guess the prior probability of accidents and foul play in smaller communities is also going to be lower than it is for large urban communities, because these communities are more tightly-knit, and people drive less rashly to begin with, etc. Or maybe they drive more rashly - I don't know. The point is, there are a lot of factors to consider. So it's going to be hard to draw conclusions from stats.

In other words, how much of those numbers is explained by said lower probability, and how much by parents' willingness to trust their kids?

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