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Married to someone with anxiety

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Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#151

Post by valuablevalve »

extra88 wrote: post #135
valuablevalve wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm fully aware of this, I just had to get back to life before it all gone and this is what I did, it may not be the right thing for everybody, but I sincerely think that particular the training, being out during the day, strengthening my body, is what that final got me back on track. Its like reaching a threshold when everything is "snowballing" in the right direction.

> this is what I did, it may not be the right thing for everybody That's great, I'm glad it's working for you. Conceptually, they all seem like good ideas but your expression was very prescriptive.

Sorry, English is not my first language.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#152

Post by alva »

davewongillies wrote: post #142
valuablevalve wrote: post #61

After a 10 year fight induced from stress, I can positively say that I'm free from it, just reading a page like this would have floored me 5 years ago. Some stuff I learned: - Stop* with coffee, for some reason tea does not the same thing to my body, coffee is like gasoline on the anxiety fire, I cant stress this point enough. - Stop* with nicotine, (almost) same as coffee - Stop* drinking, you need to stay strong 7…

> - Stop* with coffee, for some reason tea does not the same thing to my body, coffee is like gasoline on the anxiety fire, I cant stress this point enough. Tea has the amino acid L-theanine [1] in it, which is supposed to reduce the "jittery" effects of coffee. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theanine

A very interesting amino acid that I have just started to experiment with [0]. On a side note, I highly recommend examine.com to anyone who struggles to find decent information on dietary supplementation. Not a member of the company, just a very impressed and grateful user.

[0] https://examine.com/supplements/theanine/

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#153

Post by sethammons »

soared wrote: post #146

> a 4 hour commute (both ways) What the fuck is this person doing and why do they think its okay? According to that paragraph she's home at 8pm. She leaves for work at 4am. That leaves 8 hours total to eat, sleep, and live your life. He just brushes over that until later when she casually leaves her job (for no reason given). C'mon guy.. that was the root of the problem!

Not to take from the article, but to each their own. I leave the house at 4:30am and typically get home around 6:30 to 7pm (it used to be 7:30). That includes stopping at the gym before catching the train to work. Pretty much the same schedule for about 5 years. Recently, I started working from home two days a week, so that has been nice. Granted, I get compensated well for that (lucky to be a software engineer). Would I like more time with the wife and kids? Of course. I would also like to be able for them to do things like eat healthy and participate in sports.

I've met a lady (single mom) on the train once. If I recall, her day started around the same time mine does, but to catch a bus, to catch another bus, to get to the train, to catch another bus to work, and then the reverse at the end of the day, usually getting home well after 8pm (when bus or train delays don't mess it up further). 5 days a week. Her role suggested to me that she likely did not make over 50k a year. Such is life.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#154

Post by adambard »

soared wrote: post #146

> a 4 hour commute (both ways) What the fuck is this person doing and why do they think its okay? According to that paragraph she's home at 8pm. She leaves for work at 4am. That leaves 8 hours total to eat, sleep, and live your life. He just brushes over that until later when she casually leaves her job (for no reason given). C'mon guy.. that was the root of the problem!

They likely meant both ways takes 4 hours (2 hours each way), which is still ridiculous and in no way invalidates your point.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#155

Post by beat »

maxxxxx wrote: post #100
beat wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm married to someone with anxiety, and our now-adult daughter has anxiety issues far worse than her mother does. Mental health issues are biological and usually genetic in nature. Frankly, mental health is far worse in my own family than it is in my wife's family, so I suspect the issues our children face are genetically more my responsibility than hers. As an extrovert, it's generally my role in the family to go d…

I commend you for helping your wife with social functions. I am often extremely shy and socially inept and I think it would help me a lot if somebody took me by the hand and helped me through those situations. Most people have no sympathy for this problem "Just go out there and have fun" is really bad advice.

A friend of mine said something wonderfully complementary recently. She said I'm the kind of extrovert that makes introverts more comfortable, rather than less comfortable. That in itself is a very sensitive statement, distinguishing out the extroverts who treat introverts like doormats. :(

Not to say introversion and anxiety are the same thing. My daughter is actually pretty extroverted, as long as she feels comfortable and in control, but when her anxiety kicks in, she becomes painfully shy.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#156

Post by zachlatta »

sethammons wrote: post #153
soared wrote: post #146

> a 4 hour commute (both ways) What the fuck is this person doing and why do they think its okay? According to that paragraph she's home at 8pm. She leaves for work at 4am. That leaves 8 hours total to eat, sleep, and live your life. He just brushes over that until later when she casually leaves her job (for no reason given). C'mon guy.. that was the root of the problem!

Not to take from the article, but to each their own. I leave the house at 4:30am and typically get home around 6:30 to 7pm (it used to be 7:30). That includes stopping at the gym before catching the train to work. Pretty much the same schedule for about 5 years. Recently, I started working from home two days a week, so that has been nice. Granted, I get compensated well for that (lucky to be a software engineer). Wou…

That's different though. It sounds like you feel like you actively have the choice to work long hours. It sounded like she felt forced into it.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#158

Post by don_draper »

benmarks wrote: post #20

Anxiety disorder just sucks, because there's no way to rationalize it or the depression that often engenders. It's fortunate that this couple were able to figure out what was happening and can now talk about this openly. Normalizing the open discussion of mental illness is key to helping so many people who currently suffer in silence. There is a nonprofit initiative in the tech world which encourages open discussion…

You said there's no way to rationalize it, but it depends on the person. For some becoming more mindful allows you to see bad mental habits that may contribute to the anxiety. Once you are mindful of these you are empowered to change them.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#159

Post by superdude »

hashmp wrote: post #125
physcab wrote: post #5

Thank you for writing this. When people talk about these issues it becomes easier and more acceptable to society and it helps lessen anxiety stigmas. As someone who suffers from anxiety and who regularly seeks therapy, I can say that the rituals that have helped me are: - Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass - Eating, sleeping, exercising, and practicing mindfulness go…

"- Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass" Absolutely. Roll with it, it will pass, there is no question of this. Keep going, if you can, and wait for it to lift.

Yes, good point to try to keep in mind.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#160

Post by b1tr0t »

leaveyou wrote: post #148
b1tr0t wrote: post #107

OK - I'll bite. I haven't seen anyone mention medications here but personally I use propranolol. Life. Changing. For the first while I took it every day as prescribed for my ET. 20mg. And as I experienced the first pill (effects kick in about 40 minutes after), I had this realization "wait a minute, this is what it must feel like to be a normal person"! That light bulb in itself was incredible. Before that, I hadn't…

After more than 10 years of serious and progressing anxiety disorder I discovered this plant wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypericum (Hypericum Perforatum or Millepertuis in french). In less than 3 weeks I was a different man. Ironically it has one noticeable "side effect": it has aphrodisiac properties (I didn't know it but it became quite obvious after several weeks. It's confirmed by other sources too). Also raises your Phot…

Do you have a preferred brand or online source?

I've also had good experiences with St Johns wort but found quality varies a lot from what you get at a pharmacy.

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