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Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

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Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#151

Post by monk_e_boy »

donretag wrote: post #135

Undoubtedly, many will suggest traveling. I went traveling the world last year for 10 months, although I did not do so because I "had the blues". I did so because I found myself with no obligations and enough money to do so, so it would be a great time to do it. I had a fantastic time, but now I am suffering from the blues, not before. I think of all the places I went to, and I simply cannot stand to be at work. What…

Going to a 3rd world country opens your eyes to how 'free' we are.

In Bali you could just go and buy some stuff, set up a stall and sell it. Make some cash. Try that in the UK.

Best thing is to go volunteer in an African school. Cheap to get there, you do something amazing while you are there. And it'll change your life in a good way.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#153

Post by paulpauper »

It's easy to dismiss or generalize millennials as lazy or entitled, and maybe some are, but we're on the same boat together - liberal and conservative, 'alt right' and 'rationalist-left'. To the girl with the Tumblr page and Instagram pictures, to the Trump supporter that reads Roosh V, it's authenticity and shared narratives - whether it's about social isolation and awkwardness, anxieties about growing up in a difficult economy, or how society neglects its smartest - that forge common ground among differing ideological tribes and people that otherwise would have nothing to do with each other.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#154

Post by stevenkovar »

Happiness, money, and love are great as a byproduct of effort, but destructive as the main goal.

Do you want to feel fulfilled or do you want to be happy? My money is on the former; for me this fulfillment comes from continually improving.

Focus on the process. The process of learning, of working, of talking, of exercising, of being... everything you do, do it just 2% better than last time. Try and be more of yourself and less of the someone you've thought (or were told) you should be.

Practical advice:

1. Don't go back to school; it's not a career advantage for most people anymore. You can learn more in practice than in study.

2. Find or create an active job—I mean physically active. Something hands-on.

3. Get enough sleep, enough exercise, and enough sun/Vitamin D (in order of importance); these plus a renewed focus on incremental improvements go hand-in-hand.

4. Don't be afraid to work less. Our culture is toxic with the obsession of "what do you do" and "how much do you make" questions upon meeting someone. The most fulfilled people I know start with "what do you enjoy most" or "what's your story?" Working less makes your answer to those questions more interesting.

5. Exercise gratitude. By this, I mean find something every day you are grateful for—this forces you to think creatively and to observe the small things. It's simple, but this has larger implications for seeing the 'big picture' and seizing opportunities you may otherwise miss.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#155

Post by elmojenkins »

jason_slack wrote: post #94

I am 39. I feel this way every few years. I look back on the previous few years and realize that the ideas/goals that I had, I did not accomplish. I then start to look for new ways to accomplish them. I still have a 8-5 that I need to pay my bills. So I start with the 1 hour a day idea. Goto work, come home, eat dinner with the family. Then I get 1 hour to do whatever I want. No interruptions. Then, well, it is Frida…

Honestly, i feel like your answer highlights the problem.

Compromising to the degree at which you can accept that you only get 1hr a day to yourself, is (to me) crazy. I am crazy too because I do the same thing.

It's hard to buy into the notion of working 8hrs and only getting 1hr for yourself, and then being ookay with that. It's a tough pill to swallow.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#156

Post by analyst74 »

aerovistae wrote: post #122
windowshopping wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an aside, I did have one little idea recently that spoke to me: I was thinking it would be nice if there were some sort of media outlet that focused on solutions instead of problems. Imagine a news source where the articles were outlines of plans by people in positions to leverage change, explaining specifically what they want to change and how to do it. Every article would end with links and contact information i…

For example, imagine a town official in charge of roads, explaining why the repairs on a certain local highway on-ramp have been delayed for two years. Imagine all the people in that town finally getting to say, "Ah, this is the guy in charge of that! But if what he says here is true, this isn't his fault! As a constituent, I can call this number to pressure the right person in this specific town agency to remove suc…

This sounds like a good idea! Not sure how to monetize such thing, but hey, not everything worth doing can generate money.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#157

Post by selmat »

5350-uiop-1130 wrote: post #108
shivaodin wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have a family? A family, an SO or kids is the best way to understand life through other perspectives.

No, but I plan to start one soon. It's true that having children gives you a new perspective on life.

They (children) also change your priorities (...and time, plans, budget...whole life)

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#158

Post by zacharycohn »

windowshopping wrote: post #119

I've been feeling this way since middle school. I didn't really have any bad subjects in school, so I figured I could do whatever interested me professionally, but nothing really strongly appealed to me other than a paycheck large enough to eat out whenever I wanted. I discovered programming was pretty fun, now I'm a software engineer, and I'm just saving money for..... something . I don't know what. I've been trying…

You could come join us at 18F or USDS. :)

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#159

Post by sbuttgereit »

I would start by addressing why you say:

"I'd like to be something -- more than just an office person. More than just someone who works that 8-5 shift."

Why do you want to be "more" than that? For what purpose? The approval of others? Because somehow, you'd be a different person or "feel" different than you do now? Because somehow cube dwellers are lesser... and by what standard... public opinion?

I think this is part of the core of the issue you face and you need to come to terms with your motivations when saying such things.

Most people that are "something" more than average aren't actually trying to be accomplished, they're dedicated to a problem, a profession, or an avocation. Solving the problem, perfecting the skill are the goals and produce the satisfaction and are the source of self-esteem... the acclaim is merely a side effect and honestly not important.

Finding a good central purpose is key here. Something that you want to achieve without regard if anyone else cares: this is not necessarily a career pursuit either, and you can have more than one central purpose. The key though is that you have to care about... not anyone else. For some this is family, for some this is closing business deals, for others it's programming.

Seeking acclaim is not a good goal: I've had friends kill themselves for failing to achieve that when they made the approval of others the source of their self-esteem. When you make approval your goal you effectively refuse to judge what is worthwhile for yourself and outsource that to others; you stop thinking and wait for the thinking of others. You loose your independence and in the end, you become willing to compromise anything to keep the approval coming... regardless if that's good for you or not.

(Edited for clarity)

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#160

Post by amelius »

sevenless wrote: post #6

You aren't wrong. Most of us are stuck in conformist, drab and conservative societies, where we're forced to participate in the market economy. This is soul-crushing, and bad for nearly everyone, but especially those in poor countries. I recommend: 1. Don't work hard. Try to reduce your productivity. 2. Don't work long hours. Reduce your working week to the minimum necessary. Most university graduates earn enough to…

Point 6 seems to be in conflict with point 1. Changing the world order will require lots of work (or lots of thinking, which is also work).
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