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How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

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Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#141

Post by pavanred »

I am Asian and am currently a student at an American University. I don't exactly think of my self as an introvert but here is my (opinionated) 2 cents based on my experience.

1. You say you don't have any roommates, you should probably start there. It will help you save money too. craigslist should be helpful there.

2. You mentioned that your internship is about to end, why don't you take your team out for a couple of drinks/lunch/dinner. You can thank your colleagues for their help through your internship and also get to know them personally/share anecdotes.

3. Make a trip to the local pub/bar (specially near universities), you can always strike a conversation with the bartender (maybe something like how you miss a particular beer back home). After you had a drink or two, it lowers your inhibitions, you could start up conversations with others, perhaps with ones sitting next to you at the bar. I met a lot of different people like this, not necessarily friends but you sure will have a good time.

4. Since you are at the university, you should try to get into the community groups, sports clubs etc.

5. You would definitely have group projects at the university, pick different teammates every time and make sure you use every opportunity to socialize with them, meet at the library to study, ask for/offer to help in assignments, suggest going out for dinner/drinks/movie etc. to informally celebrate start/end of project, perhaps even a tiring day working on the project. And, make sure you follow up and don't let those people slip away after your projects. Invite and go out with them to catch up once a while etc.

6. I noticed that, at least in my university, there are barely any Americans in the Masters program if you choose courses in core computer sciences. If you want to meet locals or people from different backgrounds/interests, then you can choose to take up at least one course that coincides with your hobby/interest e.g. music101 etc.

Edit - If you are at/visiting Chicago, let me know, I will definitely be up for a beer to two and meet a new person

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#142

Post by barrystaes »

Some people socialize just for the sake of it, but some dont. (me neither)

You need a mission. Go find something fun to do in which you work with other people. Not entirely conincidentally, work is such a place, except that you likely did not choose your colleagues.

I enlisted as volunteer to restore a monumental big old steam engine. Together with some old and young folks, we have fun working towards a common goal. This common goal is what makes me socialize, with rather random different people that share an interest i have.

We are not the same, so we can help eachother.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#143

Post by [deleted] »

sn0wBuM wrote: post #118
angli wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I could be wrong, but I understood this to be a way of getting yourself in the door. Bonds created by the "indebtedness" are I think starting points to spending time with people and getting to know them, rather than a friendship in and of themselves.

It might be a starting point but it doesn't provide the fundamentals to get you where you want to go. This reminds me of what pickup artists teach. They teach tactics for how to get in the door, and forget about the fundamentals of actually building a real relationship.

[deleted]

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#145

Post by ccrush »

aianus wrote: post #129
ccrush wrote: post #116

Learn to ride a motorcycle. They are great for your area, awesome on gas, never worry about traffic, and park anywhere. But most importantly, anyone with a motorcycle will treat you like a best friend or even a brother just because you're riding a motorcycle. That's two problems solved at once. Also, you're a techie so getting into a conversation at your local shop might be a bit of a drag. Get online, find your loca…

I bought a motorcycle when I was in school and never met anyone with it. People will wave to you in the street but how do you turn that into friendship?

Take your motorcycle to a local monument or park or look-out spot. Park next to all the other motorcycles. Find someone standing next to their bike and say something like "that's a nice bike. What is that?" Let them tell you about their bike. Ask them if they ride in the area. Tell them you're also from the area. Ask them if they want to go for a ride sometime. See if they're with a group. Ask if you can join their ride. Ride with them. Usually rides end up at a restaurant or bar. Hang out. Exchange numbers. Go for rides some other time. Tell them you're a new rider and ask for tips. Tell them you've never changed your oil and ask them if you could do it together when they change theirs. This works especially well if you have a bike that everyone else has. Get a gixxer or an R6 and rake in the friendships.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#146

Post by saalweachter »

typon wrote: post #77
dnautics wrote: post #65

I stated this in a sub thread, but: Get in the practice of getting in debt to other people (not necessarily monetary). Asking for favors, or help. If you read Debt: The Last 5000 years, debts are the glue that held society together for milennia. It sounds like you have done a lot of work making yourself independent. But if you want to be social and have friends, you have to do exactly the opposite, and find a way to…

From my experience, indebting other people to you works really well too. However, you must not expect anything in return when doing the favour, and act gracious even if they don't return it.

A poem on the subject of lending & taking:

  Lending Out Books
  Hal Sirowitz

  You’re always giving, my therapist said.
  You have to learn how to take. Whenever
  you meed a woman, the first thing you do
  is lend her your books. You think she’ll
  have to see you again in order to return them.
  But what happens is, she doesn’t have the time
  to read them, & she’s afraid if she sees you again
  you’ll expect her to talk about them, & will
  want to lend her even more. So she
  cancels the date. You end up losing
  a lot of books. You should borrow hers.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#147

Post by dueprocess »

You'll definitely want to check out Rejection Therapy: http://rejectiontherapy.com

Here are people who have done Rejection Therapy:

Surprising Lessons From 100 Days of Rejection (TED video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFWyseydTkQ&feature=youtu.be

Rejection Therapy Saved My Soul: http://theapproachmachine.com/rejection-therapy-saved-my-sou...

My 40 Days of Rejection: http://my40days.co.uk/

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#148

Post by iMark »

My experience shares many similarities with yours.

What transformed my life was taking up juggling (contact juggling specifically) again. I'd learned a little at university but gave it up after I graduated. I got back into it years later, entirely by accident, and it's open up a whole new world to me. I've made friends in countries across the world and I regularly travel to juggling conventions in the UK where I'm based and further afield. I even perform a little these days.

I'm not necessarily advocating that you take up juggling, but whatever your interests, there's almost certainly a group of people out there who'll share them. Find them and you'll be surprised at how quickly you can bond with relative strangers over a common interest.

I was 32 when I got back into juggling. It's still early days for you!

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#150

Post by jsemrau »

I have moved over the last 15 years from Germany to Hawaii to California to Tokyo and now to Singapore. If you want to meet people you need to get out. Join activities. In Japan I was cooking for the homeless (http://www.foodbank.asia/our-program), in California I was studying Muay Thai at Stanford, in Singapore I am playing In Shadows. There is always something to do you can enjoy. And yes, when I originally moved I was introvert and awkward, too.
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