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Being alone

jessepollak.me

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141–150 of 167 posts

Re: Being alone

#141

Post by tekalon »

josefresco wrote: post #30
dkokelley wrote: post #27

I have a technique for when I'm alone in a large social setting. Find other alone people. It's not hard to spot them if you're looking, and in most cases they will appreciate the friendliness. This works especially well in a situation like a networking event or large party where it is unlikely that attendees will know everyone else.

"It's not hard to spot them if you're looking" This scares the shit out of the socially awkward or those the article is referring to. When entering a situation where I know almost no one, I always try to comfort myself by repeating things like "not everyone is looking at you" and "you are just like everyone else here". However often times I take your advice and seek out other seemingly alone people and you're right,…

I have to agree. With my social anxiety I tend to be internally thinking 'Why are you talking to me, when can I get out of here'

Re: Being alone

#142

Post by kyzyl »

shinratdr wrote: post #31
Stealth- wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As another resident of Canada, I have to completely disagree with you. I have to pay $20,000 for my schooling. My first nations friends pay nothing, it's covered by tax payers. This includes numerous other benefits that I do not get. In Canada, unfortunately it can often seem like the minority have more privileges. That's not equality, to me.

And all they had to do to get that was to be ripped from their homes and placed into residential schools, which existed into the 60s. What a sweet deal! This smacks of tremendous ignorance of the history of First Nations people and what white Canadians have done to them. It's possibly the most concrete demonstration of white privilege I've ever seen. "Well gee, I'm just a simple guy, but I don't think trying to balan…

> And all they had to do to get that was to be ripped from their homes and placed into residential schools, which existed into the 60s.

Just FYI, the last Canadian residential school closed in... drum roll... 1996. Sweet deal indeed.

Re: Being alone

#143

Post by FkZ »

sp332 wrote: post #43
shinratdr wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That depends entirely on the direction you're observing from.

Let's say things are set up to pander to the majority, even when it puts a minority at a disadvantage. What is the argument for making things harder for the majority, to equalize things for the minority? On average, society would come out worse, so you'd have to argue that equality itself is more valuable than any advantage for the majority.

"What is the argument for making things harder for the majority, to equalize things for the minority?"

That is an argument no one is making. What are you talking about?

Re: Being alone

#144

Post by arbitrarywords »

tomp wrote: post #130
britta wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are many potential examples, but I'll explain an example from my own experience. I'm a woman, and I've enjoyed tagging along with my male friend who is very friendly at conferences and similar events, talking to all kinds of strangers and having good conversations. That looked like a fun skill to have, so I tried doing it on my own - introducing myself to other attendees, asking about their work and projects, e…

And your conclusion is that if a man did the same (copying a woman's style of talking to other women, and going around introducing himself to (mostly) women attendees), the outcome would be different? If not, it's not really a case of male privilege.

Maybe imagine you're a happily married account manager for a baby formula company and then when you go to professional conferences (of mostly women), every time you try to engage someone or get involved in a group conversation the talk subtly turns to nipple tenderness and mid-term horniness. It makes doing your job and life in general harder than if you were just another woman.

Re: Being alone

#145

Post by rb2k_ »

VLM wrote: post #47
marcosdumay wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I couldn't imagine doing the same in the far out suburbs. Well, I don't know the US suburbs, but as a rule, the smaller the place, the easier it is to know people.

Its just mindless burb-bashing, doesn't mean a thing. I can assure you that a school campus in a big city isn't all that different than a school campus in a small city. Ditto museums, bars, concerts, whatever. They'll be some cultural offset what with the people being richer and the surroundings being somewhat more civilized, but its usually not a big deal. The huge hang up is getting confused about geography. In a b…

Nah, it's just that I've lived in suburbs and big cities. I enjoy tech meetups. Suburbs don't have them. It's just a numbers game of finding likeminded people. If your interest is a 1 in 1000 thing, you will find a few people in a city with a million inhabitants, with 5000 you probably won't

Re: Being alone

#146

Post by rb2k_ »

marcosdumay wrote: post #17
rb2k_ wrote: post #2

I'll be moving from Germany to Boston in a month, one of the things that I'm looking forward to is the chance to enjoy this process of "being alone" and "Pushing back on discomfort". As much as I enjoy the company of my friends, having complete freedom and no accountability to anybody also has its advantages :) That being said, cities like SF/Boston/New York/... make it easy to keep "alone" from turning into "lonely"…

> I couldn't imagine doing the same in the far out suburbs. Well, I don't know the US suburbs, but as a rule, the smaller the place, the easier it is to know people.

I don't want to get to know random people, I want to get to know a certain subset of people that share my interests.

Re: Being alone

#147

Post by rb2k_ »

lemonberry wrote: post #22
rb2k_ wrote: post #2

I'll be moving from Germany to Boston in a month, one of the things that I'm looking forward to is the chance to enjoy this process of "being alone" and "Pushing back on discomfort". As much as I enjoy the company of my friends, having complete freedom and no accountability to anybody also has its advantages :) That being said, cities like SF/Boston/New York/... make it easy to keep "alone" from turning into "lonely"…

Do yourself a favor and visit Portsmouth, NH after you are acclimated to Boston or just need a reprieve from big city life. It's a smallish city with a great bar and restaurant scene. If you are into history there are also some wonderful opportunities to explore as well. Be warned, however, New Englander's can come off cold compared to people from other parts of the country. We make great friends but it takes awhile…

I'm from Germany. As much as New Englanders hate to hear it, you guys are all warm and welcoming in comparison.

Re: Being alone

#148

Post by aristomc »

aristomc wrote: post #20
icebraining wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Stopped reading your post after "Stopped reading".

lol

haha 4 downvotes for finding a comment humorous, I think the first paragraph of the article is quite powerful and a good contextual way of starting things off. Worth a read.

Re: Being alone

#149

Post by sliverstorm »

fit2rule wrote: post #10

One of the best things I've ever done for myself is pack up and move to another country - just to get out of the cultural bubble we all get wrapped up in. Culture is nothing but a bunch of lies; when you shift from one to the other and give yourself a reset, you see just how much this brings to bear on the individual. Eventually, dealing with a foreign language and strange people can be quite enlightening, if you tre…

It can be hard work to rebuild your social circles though. Unfortunately for some of us, we are both not great at building social circles, and also fairly dependent on them for sanity.

In my experience I can go for about a year without a solid social circle, but after that I start to go nuts.

Re: Being alone

#150

Post by mrwnmonm »

i have a problem with people also, i have something like a thread running trying to analysing everything the other person is saying but not in a normal way, i just don't feel comfort, it like a threat i should defend by thinking very quickly, anyone else have this problem?
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