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I analysed 20 years of my chats

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Re: I analysed 20 years of my chats

#141

Post by jasonfarnon »

wholinator2 wrote: post #55
jasonfarnon wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I logged with AIM which was a pain, at least for the late 90s version I was using, bc you had to save each chat manually. Then a Kramer-like friend wandered over when I wasn't home, got on my computer, came across the saved chats, and deleted them all. I did this kind of self-logging for the same sort of navel-gazing reasons as the OP but it really turned off friends, who thought it was about keeping a file on them.

Damn, could you still call that person a friend afterwards? Was it normal for them to "wander over" and look through your personal items/computer? I think I'd be pretty furious

Actually I was on the defensive. About a month after it happened he said, "Oh I was on your computer and saw a bunch of files where you saved our chats...wtf?" "Um, I just thought,, in the future...it might be interesting to have". Unfortunately that kind of comes off as a blackmail threat.

Re: I analysed 20 years of my chats

#143

Post by bonesss »

astura wrote: post #112
bonesss wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How to start riding a bicycle in your 40s, if you never developed bike skills? How to snowboard, if you never developed snowboard skills? … Do it; suck. Do it more; suck less. “How to Make Friends and Influence People” is a great & classic book about giving people social room, focus, support, and attention with genuineness and humour (“influence” isn’t meant in a manipulative sense). Effort and attention are required…

I mean.... Riding a bike is nothing like making friends. “How to Make Friends and Influence People” is a salesman's guide, Dale Carnegie was an traveling salesman and the book techniques he learned making sales. The techniques you need to be a salesperson is probably not the same techniques to build lasting relationships. These tips are great for brief interactions; they are not for building relationships. There's a…

> Riding a bike is nothing like making friends.

Riding a bike is exactly like making friends. Lifestyle is lifestyle. If your aim is to be a regular and obvious “rider” it is not like the parable about skills returning quickly when tried, it is the practice, dedication, investment, improvement, and risk taking to get the eff of the effing couch and bike the eff around. The is/ought dilemma tells us philosophically that bitching cannot become biking.

It’s a lifestyle. Biking to work, being a bike guy, VO2Max watches and rust and replacement bikes … time, effort, and money. Ironically, if you are into that sort of thing, that’s the friendship hack: do it same time same place for a week or two, and if there’s another nerd doing the same say hi, crack a joke. Do that 5x then ask if they like beer… … friendship acquired.

> [misinterpreting Dale Carnegie to be defeatist]

You are flat wrong, and not listening to him.

I am shite with names, palpably. But I can say that, and ask. Whassitagain? Oh, thank you, Astura, I appreciate the clarification. I am sorry your mom is awkward, mine is too. That’s why I always make sure to only ask things I care about, and listen to the answers like the other person matters as much as I do.

You are correct, interrogations are not conversations. But answers are loaded with interests, conversational retorts, too. So you ask, listen, comment, listen, and if you find common ground (of interest to talk, not fact), well… that’s half a friend.

Trying to avoid arguments and being enthusiastic about someone’s presence are good tips for a good impression. The thesis that seeking legitimate arguments (not teasing, banter, ball-busting, or flirty disagreement), and being annoyed or put upon by someone else’s presence are good for long term friendship needs some work.

Yes, yes, yes: get in ‘the door’, make a great first impression, and establish trust quickly. Don’t breach that trust, keep making positive genuine interactions and … well the word for that is ‘friend’.

Try it. Work it like you have a brain. Other people’s cliches are their problem. Friendship is selling yourself and showing up.

Re: I analysed 20 years of my chats

#144

Post by bitexploder »

registeredcorn wrote: post #119
bitexploder wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well. Start now. Treat it like an algorithm. Schedule reminders to text/email/call/follow up with people. My ADHD was hard. I would just forget about people and not because I don’t care about them. Then I would feel bad and delay even further because of that. Just do the thing. It may never feel natural except with very close and trusted people. That’s okay. Having friends for the sake of it isn’t the point. Being ge…

> Being genuinely interested and sharing experiences and common interests and learning from each other are good reasons though. (Not OP, but interested to hear more) In terms of motivation, do you know of a way to begin a sincere and genuine interest in others that doesn't have some ulterior motivations? That may sound kind of mechanical, but what I mean is roughly something like: "I don't know people, so I do not ha…

A genuine relationship is not transactional. I never expect anything out of a friend, or anyone really. I will simply give them my time, advice, or help because I choose to with zero motivation beyond it making me happy to know I could help someone in some way. I have limits, of course, but I never expect anything in return. It is as simple as that. Some of the time I ask friends for help or they offer it. I don't expect it or do anything in particular to encourage things out of them. A good friendship revolves around the common ground in that space. You like working on cars. You like talking about it and spending time on it. They like the same things. So you spend time on that thing together for no particular reason other than it being more interesting to do with another person.

We live in industrialized society, it is highly dependent on a vast ecosystem of other humans doing specialized jobs. To have a genuine interest you just decide to have one. Why do people choose the hobbies they do. Why this software project over that one. Why do some people like this car or that other car. What motivates people. If you ask people will almost universally be happy to tell you about things they care about. You don't need any particular reason. The fact that you are on HN indicates you at least nominally are interested in others.

I think some rare people genuinely are just happier off in a cabin in the woods, mostly independent of other humans, but we are generally not evolved that way. We simply have a vast amount of chemical and mental machinery dedicated to experiencing life as a social construct and system. Also, having friends to avoid loneliness is that exact machinery we evolved. It isn't required in any logical sense, but in a very real physical sense our bodies and minds reward us for socializing.

Re: I analysed 20 years of my chats

#145

Post by pingou »

ifh-hn wrote: post #135
pingou wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do you feel the need to delete your chats? Is it to save space? Would you still do it if you had unlimited storage?

I wouldn't keep them in any context. I literally cannot see the point. Like I said I genuinely can't understand why you'd want to.

But if storage isn't an issue, why go out of your way to remove them? Don't you think there is an underlying reason you are changing the default to remove them?

Re: I analysed 20 years of my chats

#146

Post by ifh-hn »

pingou wrote: post #145
ifh-hn wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wouldn't keep them in any context. I literally cannot see the point. Like I said I genuinely can't understand why you'd want to.

But if storage isn't an issue, why go out of your way to remove them? Don't you think there is an underlying reason you are changing the default to remove them?

I don't go out my way, I just change the default. The underlying reason is it's useless data, why would I keep it? I don't transfer chats when I move phones either so...

I feel like you think there's something wrong with not collecting and keeping this data. I genuinely don't know why you would.

Re: I analysed 20 years of my chats

#147

Post by Nition »

registeredcorn wrote: post #119
bitexploder wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well. Start now. Treat it like an algorithm. Schedule reminders to text/email/call/follow up with people. My ADHD was hard. I would just forget about people and not because I don’t care about them. Then I would feel bad and delay even further because of that. Just do the thing. It may never feel natural except with very close and trusted people. That’s okay. Having friends for the sake of it isn’t the point. Being ge…

> Being genuinely interested and sharing experiences and common interests and learning from each other are good reasons though. (Not OP, but interested to hear more) In terms of motivation, do you know of a way to begin a sincere and genuine interest in others that doesn't have some ulterior motivations? That may sound kind of mechanical, but what I mean is roughly something like: "I don't know people, so I do not ha…

Most people want to spend time with others in the same kind of way they want to eat food or sleep or watch a movie. It just seems to be built in. People who appear to have ulterior motives are treated suspiciously. Some people seem to need a lot more social time than others, but most people desire at least a little bit of human contact.

Re: I analysed 20 years of my chats

#149

Post by [deleted] »

registeredcorn wrote: post #119
bitexploder wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well. Start now. Treat it like an algorithm. Schedule reminders to text/email/call/follow up with people. My ADHD was hard. I would just forget about people and not because I don’t care about them. Then I would feel bad and delay even further because of that. Just do the thing. It may never feel natural except with very close and trusted people. That’s okay. Having friends for the sake of it isn’t the point. Being ge…

> Being genuinely interested and sharing experiences and common interests and learning from each other are good reasons though. (Not OP, but interested to hear more) In terms of motivation, do you know of a way to begin a sincere and genuine interest in others that doesn't have some ulterior motivations? That may sound kind of mechanical, but what I mean is roughly something like: "I don't know people, so I do not ha…

[deleted]

Re: I analysed 20 years of my chats

#150

Post by rootsudo »

eamag wrote: post #87
rootsudo wrote: post #52

This is a great idea, I was leaning towards doing it with openrouter since the cost now is so affordable then codex but seeing someone else do it, can do it too with WhatsApp, iMessages, facebook, scattered irc logs Also email sentiment too how fun

Would not recommend to send your chats to some provider on openrouter. IMO one should only use local models for this sort of data

That makes sense, I was thinking of that specfically right after I wrote it too. No controls once sent.

It's a great excuse to buy an M5 Pro.

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