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When do we become adults, really?

newyorker.com

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Re: When do we become adults, really?

#141

Post by kerblang »

The most consistent answer I see here, in the article, and in people I've talked to is: Taking responsibility. It becomes a moral question. I think if you want to be seen as an adult - as many kids desperately hope to do - responsibility is the most reliable way to get that perception from others, especially from actual adults. The popular alternative of pursuing vice is not going to be so effective.

Quite a few folks will push back and insist that such an assessment is unfair, which is fine, if the world agrees with you, or if you just don't care.

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#142

Post by whattheheckheck »

lstodd wrote: post #89
freehorse wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is "political hierarchy"? Or more like "social hierarchy"?

also fuck them both. for me it's when you realize you do not have to define yourself within a framework of outside expectations.

I think i understand that but how do you validate that its not just cope? It seems to me theres literally no escaping the political system you just lie to yourself about where you stand.

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#143

Post by WalterBright »

tovej wrote: post #133
WalterBright wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Quite a childish one too. Self-reliance is adultish, not childish.

Expecting that everyone in society should be self-reliant, and that resources should not be managed socially is naive. It's a maximally inefficient and cruel way to organize society.

I didn't say "everyone".

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#144

Post by doright »

blueflow wrote: post #46
AltruisticGapHN wrote: post #21

I'm 51 now and I feel like I will never be an adult. Looking around I see a lot of broken people, each in their own peculiar ways. Everyone has some coping mechanisms, triggers, and behaviours rooted in childhood. I don't see it in a bad light, I think it is just humanity.

Child abuse might be a large driver behind dysfunctionality in adulthood, with disability or early retirement as a consequence. There were some big child neglect cases around the millennium, since them, the topic got more attention from researchers. It used to be that traumatised kids got slapped with a ADHD, autism and/or borderline diagnosis and it got called a day. These are "that's just how you are" style diagnos…

> It used to be that traumatised kids got slapped with a ADHD, autism and/or borderline diagnosis and it got called a day. These are "that's just how you are" style diagnoses. Since 2018 there is CPTSD which finally connects the symptoms to how you got treated as a child.

This was my childhood.

Unfortunately for some the narrative of the perfect family is too precious for others to step up and intervene. It's taboo to accuse someone of being a bad parent, even if it's the truth.

Even away from my abusers for decades, the resulting issues have continued into my adulthood and led to near daily struggle that seems to have no end. With my family I've had to choose my battles and my therapist is the only one who both believes me and is trained to give me the support I require to mentally survive in the adult world, one I would otherwise be unprepared for. Without a good enough job I wouldn't be able to pay them and that support would evaporate.

Imagine if a huge percentage of the drama and anger that shows up online is rooted in formative trauma that nobody will ever admit out loud, and as a result we're distracted by trying to address completely unrelated sources of outrage.

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#146

Post by reverius42 »

gretch wrote: post #80

I'm ~30 years old and would like to plea to others in my generation: Please take the mantle of adulthood, whether you feel ready or not. If you do not, those who who have no 2nd thoughts about this will run our world into the ground while you sit on the sidelines pretending to still be an innocent child. * corporate billionaires don't think to themselves "am I really an adult?" * religious zealots do not ask these qu…

If Greta Thunberg can do what she did as a literal child then I think the 20- and 30-somethings can step it up a bit.

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#147

Post by tovej »

WalterBright wrote: post #143
tovej wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Expecting that everyone in society should be self-reliant, and that resources should not be managed socially is naive. It's a maximally inefficient and cruel way to organize society.

I didn't say "everyone".

No, but you did say every adult. That's what I meant by everyone.

Re: When do we become adults, really?

#149

Post by em-bee »

tomjen3 wrote: post #134

You don't. There are more consequences to your actions as you age, but you will never feel like are are the person your parents were when you were a kid. Because it was a projection. Seeing my coworkers interacting with their kids and seeing them interact with other adults made it abundantly clear: there are no adults in the room, we are all just muddeling through life and sometimes we do it more or less successful t…

you will never feel like are are the person your parents were when you were a kid

nope, i realized i was becoming my dad when i noticed that i was copying his behavior towards my own kids. for good and for bad. fortunately that was early enough that i could course correct and keep the good and throw out most of the bad.

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