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Becoming the person who does the thing

fredrivett.com

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Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#141

Post by dceddia »

This resonated with me, something mentioned but not explicitly called out - the author started by working out at home, built the habit and some confidence, and later it morphed into a solid gym habit. But it didn’t start at the gym, and the comment about “it would’ve looked dumb to anyone watching” is crucial I think.

I’ve had a lot of good success with bodyweight workouts at home and I just want to highlight that bit of the author’s story for anyone else who feels like the gym is the only way - it’s not! And if you don’t like the idea of going to the gym for whatever reason, you can in fact exercise at home with very little equipment.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#142

Post by hadlock »

carlosjobim wrote: post #101
michaelcampbell wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think their point is not that people in their mid 20's are WRITING LIFE LESSONS, but more that PEOPLE IN THEIR MID 20'S are writing life lessons.

Why not? Experience and maturity is not very dependent on age. Getting those depends on doing it, not just waiting on time passing by. I'm much older than the article author, but it would be foolish of me to think that I couldn't learn things from 20 year olds – including important and profound teachings and advice.

There's not a lot of 20 year olds who have made a single mistake that rolled back multiple years of work, almost instantly. When that happens to you for the first time, it is very humbling; and may take months or years to understand and learn from what happened. We all have things to learn from others, but proportionally there are very few self help authors under the age of 40.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#143

Post by kaffekaka »

drivebyhooting wrote: post #128
xyzelement wrote: post #127

This super-resonates, especially the bit about our actions being a reflection (and being limited by) how we see ourselves and the world in it, the very basic understanding of reality. For example - I gained a bunch of pounds since my 3rd kid was born - I am busy at work, I try to help my wife as much as I can, the other kids leave no space to work out, whatever. All very realistic and reasonable. And yet I have a nei…

You don’t know your neighbor’s circumstances. Maybe he biologically doesn’t need as much sleep. Or maybe his wife does a lot more child care. Or maybe he is okay with the children watching iPad while he exercises.

You have a good point, and I do agree.

But at the same time I have been both a person exercising every day and a person not understanding how to find the time for exercise (even after having been the exercising person!). It is remarkable how much our identity can be shaped by contingent circumstances or beliefs.

So how to know if one is someone who needs alot of sleep, or someone who just believes there is no time? I actually don't know.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#144

Post by w10-1 »

These are pitched as self-reflection and self-control, as if deciding matters most.

But invariably they're prompted if not reinforced by changes in circumstance.

Before the internet replaced actual experience with virtual, many middle-to-upper class westerners took a year after school to travel. Traveling means people don't know you; you discover that you can present yourself however you want, and people will mostly go along. (Something similar is true for meditation, etc.)

So the fixed world becomes more dynamic, and as you return, you work on making a dynamic world that fits you instead of fitting yourself to the world: you apply to that school, chase that partner, etc.

People who commit to work or partners or houses/locations before traveling in this sense are really making it much harder to live.

The scarcity of opportunity makes this much, much worse. People feel they need to keep following their followers or the latest tech trends to stay relevant for opportunities, and they never travel.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#145

Post by prerok »

Hunpeter wrote: post #121
jamestimmins wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I always half-joke that I gave up on my hopes of being a child prodigy when I turned 30. That was a major milestone not just for realizing that there was no future "grown up" version of me, but also seeing how much time had passed and how little was left. So I accepted that who I am is who I'm going to be, for the most part, and I might as well make the best of it. That opened up a lot of doors for personal interest…

A somewhat more depressing take: "There comes a time in everyone's life when you look into the mirror and realize that what you see is all that you'll ever be. And you accept that fact - or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking into mirrors." (Babylon 5, quoted from memory, so probably not 100% correct) As I'm nearing 30, still in the "I can be anything I want" phase, I wonder when this time will arrive. And whether…

I think you are always in this phase of being able to be anything you want. Even as you are growing up, there are usually more choices than you can see. What experience and age gives you is a broader understanding that that really is the case and then, speaking from personal experience, you start feeling foolish for not realizing this before.

That said, changing things is never without some loss of contentment. Even if status quo is abysmal, we humans seem to prefer it over changing it. It is worth exploring, though, even if it is uncomfortable.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#146

Post by xyzelement »

drivebyhooting wrote: post #128
xyzelement wrote: post #127

This super-resonates, especially the bit about our actions being a reflection (and being limited by) how we see ourselves and the world in it, the very basic understanding of reality. For example - I gained a bunch of pounds since my 3rd kid was born - I am busy at work, I try to help my wife as much as I can, the other kids leave no space to work out, whatever. All very realistic and reasonable. And yet I have a nei…

You don’t know your neighbor’s circumstances. Maybe he biologically doesn’t need as much sleep. Or maybe his wife does a lot more child care. Or maybe he is okay with the children watching iPad while he exercises.

(I am the person you are responding to so I can be uncharitable towards myself)

All the things you said are an excuse. All that happens if I believe the excuses is that I will be fatter and fatter, no thanks.

I 100% know that I "could" run every day if I got my shit together, if I was really dying to do it, and if it was part of my identity. The fact that it's not part of my identity is the whole problem.

Say it another way - if my neighbor and I switched families and bodies, he'd still run - in my situation - while I'd still succumb to the excuses - in his situation.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#147

Post by xyzelement »

kaffekaka wrote: post #143
drivebyhooting wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don’t know your neighbor’s circumstances. Maybe he biologically doesn’t need as much sleep. Or maybe his wife does a lot more child care. Or maybe he is okay with the children watching iPad while he exercises.

You have a good point, and I do agree. But at the same time I have been both a person exercising every day and a person not understanding how to find the time for exercise (even after having been the exercising person!). It is remarkable how much our identity can be shaped by contingent circumstances or beliefs. So how to know if one is someone who needs alot of sleep, or someone who just believes there is no time? I…

Identity shapes our commitment. For example, when I was a single guy living in NYC, I'd do sometimes 2 hours of yoga every day because the studio was on my walk home and if I had nothing to do, I'd just go there. So it required relatively little commitment.

So I identified as a "yogi" but it didn't take much sacrifice to do it.

As a suburban dad of 3, working out requires greater commitment than it did before, and I am failing to muster the required level of commitment to overcome that friction sometimes. While my neighbor is more committed because I guess it's part of his identity.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#148

Post by xyzelement »

kraftman wrote: post #130
xyzelement wrote: post #127

This super-resonates, especially the bit about our actions being a reflection (and being limited by) how we see ourselves and the world in it, the very basic understanding of reality. For example - I gained a bunch of pounds since my 3rd kid was born - I am busy at work, I try to help my wife as much as I can, the other kids leave no space to work out, whatever. All very realistic and reasonable. And yet I have a nei…

The Jewish couple also has a huge amount of community and family support that the secular couple has been stripped of.

That's 100% true but it goes back to the same point. The religious couple has that support because they and their family made the choices to stay in proximity. The secular couple may in theory want the same thing but in reality made a very different choice. For example they might identify as "cool ppl who of course want to live in NYC" more than "future parents that want to be close to the family.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#149

Post by viridian »

noduerme wrote: post #123
huhkerrf wrote: post #20

I found the article anodyne enough, so this is not a knock on it, but something I've noticed as I've gotten older that I find a bit amusing and curious. What is it that makes people in tech in their late 20s and 30s write about life lessons like an old sage? I don't notice 32 year old farmers or roughnecks doing this.

An unkind answer is these are the sort of navel-gazing observations had by most teenagers, and people in tech are just late bloomers. But an even less kind answer would be that self-help is big business, and to run the scam you have to build an audience.

You should choose to practice kindness and charity if you can at all help it. Accusing a whole class of people of arrested development is incredibly derogatory. There are healthier ways to frame criticism.

Re: Becoming the person who does the thing

#150

Post by michaelcampbell »

carlosjobim wrote: post #101
michaelcampbell wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think their point is not that people in their mid 20's are WRITING LIFE LESSONS, but more that PEOPLE IN THEIR MID 20'S are writing life lessons.

Why not? Experience and maturity is not very dependent on age. Getting those depends on doing it, not just waiting on time passing by. I'm much older than the article author, but it would be foolish of me to think that I couldn't learn things from 20 year olds – including important and profound teachings and advice.

> Experience and maturity is not very dependent on age.

Mostly only in edge cases.

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