not intending to be rude but this probably doesnt belong on hacker news. I come here to read about tech.
The year I didn't survive
141–150 of 276 posts
Re: The year I didn't survive
#142My son had cancer during COVID, though he was fortunate enough to beat it into remission (with the help of a huge care team). I was active duty military, and he is also non-verbal and autistic. The things she talks about, how focused she was and how hard it is to do any of that now, I've been experiencing exactly the same things. I find it hard to do anything, put anything together, etc. after 3 years of managing his…
It’s called depression and when it happens because of a situation in your life that you have limited control over it can be very difficult to recover. Get professional help if you haven’t. It is hard. Been there.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#143My son had cancer during COVID, though he was fortunate enough to beat it into remission (with the help of a huge care team). I was active duty military, and he is also non-verbal and autistic. The things she talks about, how focused she was and how hard it is to do any of that now, I've been experiencing exactly the same things. I find it hard to do anything, put anything together, etc. after 3 years of managing his…
The sheer intensity of being in constant survival mode for someone you love, especially in such high-stakes moments, doesn't just fade once the crisis is over. It leaves something behind, or maybe takes something away. I don't know if healing looks like "going back to who we were" or if it's more about figuring out who we are now, with everything we've carried
It is also important to realize that the past does not exist, not really. You get to decide, every day, who you are. It is the simplest and hardest thing.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#144When I look in the mirror now, I notice all the places where my body reveals what I’ve been through. And I wonder, in a way that I wouldn’t if Jake were still alive, how this new body appears to others who don’t view it through a lens of love. At 20 I fell hard for a 35yo. We also became close friends and my pursuit of her was almost separate and apart. After a very long time I conceded; I met other people and eventu…
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Re: The year I didn't survive
#145You all are writing about the loss of loved ones, and I'm like > You guys had loved ones? There's so much societal attention to loss, but any complaint about the inability to form meaningful relationships in the first place is usually met with enthusiastic "git gud". Nobody cares about the slow burnout of knowing that you'll always be on your own. Which makes sense if you think about it. A person going through loss m…
People don't form meaningful relationships with celebrities. Relationships are actually largely divorced from what is "useful to society".
> Relationships are actually largely divorced from what is "useful to society".
Adorable. Your mom loves you because it's tremendously beneficial to the survival of the species and the culture, not because of some higher ideals.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#146My son had cancer during COVID, though he was fortunate enough to beat it into remission (with the help of a huge care team). I was active duty military, and he is also non-verbal and autistic. The things she talks about, how focused she was and how hard it is to do any of that now, I've been experiencing exactly the same things. I find it hard to do anything, put anything together, etc. after 3 years of managing his…
Throwaway: when my daughter was 4, she took a bath. My wife was in the living room doing laundry, literally 5 steps away. At that point, my daughter had just finished swimming class 3 months before. I was at work. When she called "mum!", my wife said: "Coming" and folded one final shirt. When she then entered the bathroom, my daughter floated in the tub, face down. No breathing, no sign of life anymore. My wife reviv…
You have had a fundamental realization about the human condition in a very traumatic way. This is a lot to deal with all at once.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#147When I look in the mirror now, I notice all the places where my body reveals what I’ve been through. And I wonder, in a way that I wouldn’t if Jake were still alive, how this new body appears to others who don’t view it through a lens of love. At 20 I fell hard for a 35yo. We also became close friends and my pursuit of her was almost separate and apart. After a very long time I conceded; I met other people and eventu…
That's beautiful, thank you.
Beautiful in that painfully human way, I agree.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#148not intending to be rude but this probably doesnt belong on hacker news. I come here to read about tech.
I couldn't disagree more strongly.
Her husband was a frequent HN user, and their story was known here. This is a continuation.
I love seeing the human side of HN. This is an extremely unique perspective, a beautifully written but horrific snapshot of a woman's life when her husband - a man like many of us - dies prematurely while she's pregnant.
It's relevant in ways that another LLM article can't be.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#149This is one of the most devastatingly beautiful pieces of writing I've ever read.
Agreed. I don't usually cry reading an HN post.
It pulls no punches, and is completely devoid of self pity. Relentless, ruthless reality, coming close to detachment even, but it's all so personal.
Incredible post.
Re: The year I didn't survive
#150Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I think one thing I worry about is my daughter possibly not growing up with a mother. Like how that will affect her. Don't worry about that! My daughter lost her mother when she was 1.5 years old. It's important to have a sensible female role model. A grandma or an aunt will do just fine. Please do take good care of yourself!
That's part of the issue, there is no one like that unless if I were to remarry.
Tough, then. Hang in there!
When my partner died, I read up a bit about the problems children face when being raised by a single father. By far the biggest problem was the father's alcoholism. So I decided not to become an alcoholic (a prospect which actually looked rather enticing at a certain point in time). Also I try to be gentle with myself: it's ok to mess up.
Again, hang in there and best of luck to you and your family!