Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

psypost.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

141–150 of 191 posts

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#141

Post by em-bee »

matrix87 wrote: post #135
stevenAthompson wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it's meant to infantilize them There are a few assumptions embedded within this statement. Firstly, you assume that 'they' have an intent other than the stated one, without explaining who 'they' may be, why 'they' would want to do this, and that 'they' have managed to be the only large group of humans to ever keep a secret successfully. Secondly, you imply that 'being infantalized' would somehow be harmful to you,…

Looks like you read through my bullshit The point of those beliefs is simple: that's what it takes to get results in this economic system. It's toxic fuel. Whether or not it makes sense is irrelevant In this economic system, everyone is a free agent trying to maximize their own wealth, but at the same time we have a need for support. People can simultaneously be wolves and sheep I'm not saying that people shouldn't c…

which problem is toxic masculinity solving? i don't get it. all my life i try to get away from that, and make sure i am not becoming like them. if toxic masculinity is needed to be successful, then i'd rather be a failure. i refuse to howl with the wolves as it were.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#142

Post by jmye »

nadermx wrote: post #83
purple-leafy wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is sadly true, my long term partner left me last night. I really thought it would go the distance, and I’m almost not sad - it’s just typical

[flagged]

> Vs if she's happy her mood might change on a whim due to period or other things

What a weird point of view. I assume that asking your SO if they’re upset because she’s on her period, you might start to have a good idea of why your SO isn’t happy.

I’d rather be the person I want to be in a relationship, than play weird games about whose happiness matters more, like it’s a competition. But you do you.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#144

Post by some_furry »

drdec wrote: post #119
some_furry wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Your dismissal of people with small emotional support networks That's not what I was doing. Like, I'm an extreme introvert. Most people are more extroverted than I am. Despite this, I have more than two close friends. Whatever's causing some people to have small emotional support networks is something that should be studied by scientists, rather than taken for granted like this article does. Preventing unnecessary…

Thanks for responding and clarifying. My apologies for misreading your intent.

Happens to everyone. Thanks for being cool about it.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#145

Post by nadermx »

jmye wrote: post #142
nadermx wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

> Vs if she's happy her mood might change on a whim due to period or other things What a weird point of view. I assume that asking your SO if they’re upset because she’s on her period, you might start to have a good idea of why your SO isn’t happy. I’d rather be the person I want to be in a relationship, than play weird games about whose happiness matters more, like it’s a competition. But you do you.

Its not a game; It's a fact. The definition of hormonal is related to menstruation. I also didn't say I asked if she was, just something I consider when responding to her actions or words.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#146

Post by iJohnDoe »

matrix87 wrote: post #54

Once you're an adult, do you even need one in the first place? I'm 24, I don't go to anyone for help pretty much ever, I just follow my own goals. That's gotten me way farther than most people I know I don't think this talk about "male emotional support networks" is actually intended to help men, it's meant to infantilize them. They'd be better off just buying into the nietzschean "support yourself" type of worldview

At 24 you’re simply too young and have been lucky to not realize that life throws your curveballs.

You might be offended by my comment, but you won’t as you get older.

As you get older you might look at your teens as still being a baby, twenties as still being a kid, early thirties as starting to learn a thing or two, mid-thirties with some life lessons, and forties as finally knowing some things.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#147

Post by iJohnDoe »

drdec wrote: post #118
constantcrying wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can do that on my own perfectly fine.

That's fine that it is not for you. (Username does not check out)

Yes, holy crap that username is surprisingly ironic.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#148

Post by lazide »

thfuran wrote: post #130
dijit wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe I want to be vulnerable sometimes, or weak sometimes, or to have unfinished opinions on things and be listened to in good faith without risking an entire relationship because I would like to talk about it. Like privacy, people can come up with nice catch-alls like “nothing to hide”, but the default is not abuse.

This goes way beyond merely conditional love. If you can't reasonably expect to be listened to in good faith, you have an outright toxic relationship.

Depending on the topic, almost no relationships meet your definition of ‘non-toxic’ in my experience. And I’ve had a lot of experience.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#149

Post by lazide »

kelseyfrog wrote: post #89
bitwize wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unlike men, women tend seek out emotional support networks as a matter of course. There's probably some reduction as they age, but it's probably from like, the entire glee club to their husband, kids, five or six girls they keep up with from high school and the neighbor lady. A particularly gregarious woman like my wife can grow her support network. This is definitely an area meriting more research.

As a trans women, I have a unique perspective on how gender impacts social relations having lived life in each of the two worlds. Like commenters above mention, emotional support is table stakes in friendship among women. It is a kinder, gentler world - the kind of world you perhaps remember growing up in. That world still exists, but it's typically not accessible to men once they reach adulthood. How could men acces…

Personally, I’ve also seen those emotional support networks used to destroy and manipulate women within them by other women within them.

And to target the men ‘attached’ through the women within those networks.

Under the guise of emotional support.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#150

Post by kelseyfrog »

lazide wrote: post #149
kelseyfrog wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a trans women, I have a unique perspective on how gender impacts social relations having lived life in each of the two worlds. Like commenters above mention, emotional support is table stakes in friendship among women. It is a kinder, gentler world - the kind of world you perhaps remember growing up in. That world still exists, but it's typically not accessible to men once they reach adulthood. How could men acces…

Personally, I’ve also seen those emotional support networks used to destroy and manipulate women within them by other women within them. And to target the men ‘attached’ through the women within those networks. Under the guise of emotional support.

Setting healthy boundaries is usually the antidote to manipulation and sometimes that entails no longer engaging with that person or group.

I'm curious to hear more about your story. It sounds full of valuable lessons.

Post reply on HN