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The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

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Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#141

Post by testval123 »

llm_trw wrote: post #124
llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

Do you think this could be because you have so many children? Anecdotally the more kids in a family the more neglected the child. I can't imagine having more than one child a decade and raising them well.

There is IMMENSE value in having siblings, particularly later in life when you yourself have kids. Especially if they are in the same city.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#142

Post by crystal_revenge »

llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

As the father of a teenager, I would also add: take parenting "wisdom" from new parents with the same grain of salt you would career advice from someone who just landed their first job.

I personally found the complexities of parenting and, even more importantly, family life, don't really start to emerge until after the first few years.

Talk to divorced parents of older children about the "Surreal Magnificence" of parenting and you'll likely get a hearty chuckle out of them.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#144

Post by whycome »

wooque wrote: post #74
llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

Birth rates plummeted even in Saudi Arabia and Iran, which are polar opposite of the West, so I'd say loss of "village" is tiny part of the problem.

I’m not sure I’d consider Iran or Saudi Arabia as polar opposites to the west. Or at least not in the aspects related to kids.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#145

Post by thefz »

DAGdug wrote: post #104
llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

“ And as children get viewed as a selfish luxury” I never quite understood this. Who exactly will pay into social security to benefit the next crop of retirees that seem to think it’s selfish to have kids?

Social security is well failed in my country, we are paying both for the retirees and for our future selves. So if tomorrow ends up like children of men, sure, no problem.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#146

Post by llm_nerd »

llm_trw wrote: post #124
llm_nerd wrote: post #47

I have four children. I have never regretted it or wished for a different path. I know it isn't for everyone, but it absolutely was and is for me. At the same time I do think articles like this should be countered with the reality that many fathers aren't overwhelmed with waves of love or "surreal magnificence". With each of my children being born the primary emotions I could point to were dread and anxiety. The sudd…

Do you think this could be because you have so many children? Anecdotally the more kids in a family the more neglected the child. I can't imagine having more than one child a decade and raising them well.

I think you horribly misread my post. Do you think I am saying I don't love my children? I love them absolutely. The last word in the universe that applies to them is "neglected". They want for nothing.

Indeed, it's precisely that I care so much that having children wasn't some carefree social media event for me. It was an enormous commitment. The biggest commitment a human can make, in my judgment, and I was all in.

And as another poster already said, one of the greatest gifts a child can have is siblings. This isn't always true and of course there are many counterpoints, but siblings are usually the closest friends and allies in a hostile world.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#147

Post by munksbeer »

camgunz wrote: post #131
munksbeer wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, it certainly isn't. But it is a social sin to admit otherwise. For me, it led to depression, therapy and medication. The first time in my life I'd experienced actual clinical depression. We do have a particularly challenging situation though. I'm always tired, ill, stressed, eat unhealthy, don't exercise enough. Being a parent is all consuming. It has been getting easier as they get a bit older, and I love my chi…

My partner and I have two kids (21 months and 5 weeks) and we absolutely hate the caretaking phase... which lasts a year? Our oldest can be pretty hilarious now so she's net worth it, but it was a journey of misery to get here, and the reason we dove right back into the icy pond of abject awfulness is that we just wanted to get it over with ASAP. Why is it so torturous? For me, I'm a software engineer, and I became o…

My children are older - five and three - so I've passed the early care taking phase. We suspect our eldest has mild autism or some form of adhd and sensory processing issues. He is the sweetest little boy at times, I love him so much, but he is incredibly challenging. The entire five years have been hard, hard work and we're constantly on edge and having to help him cope with the world. The youngest is a bit more typical, but also extremely high energy. It's just physically and mentally exhausting.

But yes, it is becoming a bit easier. And as it becomes easier, I actually relax a bit more too and my mood lightens, which makes the meltdowns a bit easier to handle.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#149

Post by llm_nerd »

llm_trw wrote: post #130
WalterBright wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was one of 5. I was not neglected. I am a horrible person, though, so there's that.

Your parents by definition will only be able to spend 20% of the time on you that they could on a single child if they didn't neglect the others. Seeing children with multiple siblings with less than 8 year difference between them vs single children is shocking just how differently kids are treated. This is the most accurate but least factual description of what it looks like from the outside when a family keeps addi…

I would argue that your position is the "perfectionist parenting" nonsense that many have used to avoid having children.

Do you think all of the latchkey lone children of the current generation are the most psychologically healthy individuals the world has seen? Do you think they're the most loved or coddled? The most educated? Your anecdote is actually kind of hilarious in context.

The idea that 2 children splits the love or attention is absolutely insane.

Re: The Surreal Magnificence of Fatherhood

#150

Post by anon291 »

throw10920 wrote: post #84
lwhalen wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

> Wait, what am I going to be saved from, you say? Oh, what sky-daddy will do to me if I DON'T love, honor, obey, and tithe him, etc. You need to take a look at the HN guidelines because you have very clearly not read them. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

[flagged]
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