Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Being Raised by the Internet

jimmyhmiller.github.io

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

141–150 of 331 posts

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#141

Post by throwanem »

Aeolun wrote: post #138
throwanem wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not everyone takes "I don't want to talk about that" easily. A '...with you' is always available to be inferred, and a weak ego easily takes insult at that. If that weak ego belongs to someone who signs your paychecks, now you have a problem.

I don’t think telling those people ‘learn how to recognize no’ is going to make much of a difference.

That's why I'm saying "here's how not to act like that kind of person."

Specifically, I'm saying "here's how to avoid pushing things to the point where 'I don't want to talk about that' is something that has to be said."

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#142

Post by tbrownaw »

throwanem wrote: post #99
tbrownaw wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> in speaking of the article as though it did not say several of the things it says, you make such questions seem necessary. What specifically does it say that is being ignored? That the author happened to find things he hadn't gone looking for directly? > fundamental ignorance of the American situation around poverty Are you claiming that terrible parents are uniquely American, in a way that is incapable of being ex…

The idea that this man's past situation can reduce to "terrible parents" even as passing reference, is a better example than I could ever invent of why this conversation will end fruitlessly for you. It isn't that I don't see the obvious and honest effort you're putting into trying to have it. I respect that. The problem still is, though, that you don't see the entire world of social support structures that have been…

> That's why, for example, I know I'm probably coming off pretty harsh with this and am deliberately doing so anyway

You're not coming off as "harsh" at all. You're hiding behind unfounded assertions about me personally in order to avoid providing anything concrete to back up your rather sweeping claims.

Relying on ad-hominem attacks isn't harsh, it's what you do when you don't have anything better to support your position.

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#143

Post by strken »

throwanem wrote: post #13

The author seems about a decade younger than me and "raised" isn't the word I would use for myself, but I doubt I would have made it if not for the friends I made and the things I learned that way. The thing about pulling yourself up out of a bad situation is that you learn to be usually very deliberate in how you talk about it and what you talk about. People who've never really known anything but stability in their…

I'm not sure what could be going unsaid here. The schizophrenic dad, absent mother, limited and erratic money for food, no adults to do the shopping and cooking, and mentions of programming blogs and escaping poverty all paint a clear picture. It's an open account and I don't feel the need to pry or ask questions about the exact conditions of the household, which were presumably not good, but I don't see anything vague.

Your comment, on the other hand, raises my curiosity in exactly the way that you seem to be against. I have no idea what you're trying to warn me not to do.

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#144

Post by shanusmagnus »

throwanem wrote: post #93
tbrownaw wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The bit I quoted seemed to be saying that curiosity and wanting to understand things are bad. Maybe that can be off topic and so out of place at work, but in online arguments prompted by something intentionally made public?

I'm talking about behavior. What motivates that behavior isn't relevant. A nosy question is nosy because it demands an answer to which the querent is not entitled. Whether that undue desire is motivated by curiosity, prurience, arrogance, pity, or simple fascination - and I have seen all of these, sometimes in combination - has no bearing on the effect of the question on the one so asked. The vice inheres in the aski…

> A nosy question is nosy because it demands an answer to which the querent is not entitled.

Jesus, is this really what you meant? I can't imagine how barren my life would be if I restricted my interactions with others to only include things to which I was "entitled."

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#145

Post by zargon »

kragen wrote: post #128
malfist wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Kagi has a small web thing too. But very few of those places are a community

kagi is explicitly not a community; it's a service you pay for. it's organized around a them/us distinction, and the users are the (atomized) outgroup, individually paying the ingroup for the service provided by that ingroup there is nothing wrong with that; it's a perfectly good way of organizing things. but it's important not to confuse it with the relationship between, for example, linux users, any of whom is free…

Nobody suggested Kagi is a community.

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#146

Post by dennis_jeeves2 »

nuancebydefault wrote: post #8
hesdeadjim wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hope you are aware of your immense luck in life if you think a kid in a situation like this has agency of any kind, let alone access to resources to help them “escape poverty” as a minor. You know why no-questions asked, free lunch programs for everyone are so hugely important for kids suffering from food scarcity? Often it’s because their shitty parents won’t even sign forms to get them free lunch. Please educate…

Biweekly I work freely at an initiative in our city to help deliver food to the needy. I believe i know what poverty looks like. I'm not sure what this has to do with my question, probably it was ill formed, for which i apologize.

>I believe i know what poverty looks like.

Judging by your parent comment, you don't.

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#147

Post by Loughla »

theshackleford wrote: post #105
Fuzzwah wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Australian who has spent time living in the US: yes, the difference is still true today between how waiters at an Australian restaurant and servers at a US restaurant interact with customers. Waiters wait. If you need anything you make eye contact and they come over. Servers are overly friendly and will interrupt conversations to ask if the food is up to standard, etc. I've always thought it was due to tipping. Serve…

> I've always thought it was due to tipping I've been bothered far more by wait staff in Australia than I ever have in the US. Must be down to the location and the restaurant.

It's also interesting to think about it when you say bothered.

I'm super american, born and raised and now living in the western Midwest. When the wait staff talk to me, I'm genuinely interested in hearing about them. I like meeting new people, even if those people are being paid to meet me. I legitimately enjoy learning about the lives of the people I meet, even briefly.

Is that an American thing? Is that a bad thing?

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#148

Post by synicalx »

yapyap wrote: post #87

cute article, whenever I hear about someone “raised by the internet” I usually think of a negative result but glad to hear this is a positive one

I was fully prepared for a list of image board and ogrish/liveleak related trauma but this was relatively wholesome.

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#149

Post by Loughla »

Aeolun wrote: post #112
082349872349872 wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I once heard, in a different century, that the "modal restaurant script" differed between the US and the UK in that in the former, the waitstaff asks the diners a bunch of (to a cultural outsider) overly prying questions, while in the latter, the diners ask them of the waitstaff. Still true? Never was?

Hmm, not certain about wait staff. I’m certain that barbers do it everywhere I’ve ever been though.

Historically, in the United States, the barbershop was a meeting place. It was a place you went to talk and relax. It's weird in the modern society of fast cuts and what not.

But barbers tend to go into that business because they like talking to people. And you're right, every barber I've ever had has pried into my life. But I've also been more willing to share life experiences with barbers, and listen to their experiences than any other profession. Not sure why.

Re: Being Raised by the Internet

#150

Post by steve_adams_86 »

kragen wrote: post #62

> I am certain they never intended to inspire a 12 year-old kid to find a better life. i can't speak for everyone, but as one of the people writing tutorials and faqs and helping people learn to do things with free software during the period miller is talking about, that is absolutely what i intended to do. and, from the number of people i knew who were excited to work on olpc, conectar igualdad , and huayra linux, i…

Likewise. The idea that I can elevate others like others have for me is exhilarating.

My childhood was a little bleak in some ways like the author of this post. Not as bleak. But definitely lean times, sick parents, lots of time alone on the internet.

Without that, who knows what would have happened to me. I don’t think but I know deeply that I can help others, both through my experience as a kid being helped and through my experience as an adult mentoring others.

I wish I could write more and do it better, or find some means of giving back better. People have often referred to me as “self-taught”, but the reality is that I was taught by thousands of people. I only had the good fortune that I was willing to seek out their knowledge. I’m extremely grateful for that.

Post reply on HN