Stop postponing things by embracing the mess • Hacker News Board

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#141

Post by StuffMaster » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 10:04 PM UTC

prometheus76 wrote: post #86

helboi4 wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you overcome this? I've avoided things due to emotional discomfort my whole life and I don't think I can ever do better at this point. I find that it requires conscious effort to learn to do things that are required as standard for most adults.

I have found the advice in this Andrew Huberman video to be helpful. Long version: [1] Useful clip from that longer video: [2] TL;DR: motivation is a muscle that can be developed as long as your efforts to do so are voluntary. In other words, do the hardest thing that you can actually do, even if it is just pick up one piece of trash and put it in the garbage. Or wash one dish. The list of possibilities is endless. T…

+1 for Andrew Huberman

Controlling Your Dopamine For Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmOF0crdyRU

ADHD & How Anyone Can Improve Their Focus:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFL6qRIJZ_Y

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#142

Post by jprd » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 10:45 PM UTC

prometheus76 wrote: post #17

masto wrote: post #12

The oversimplification and promises that if you just buy their thing you'll have a distraction free life in 14 days really irks me. I struggled with this stuff for over 40 years. Only last year, after a disastrous crash, did I start learning about ADHD, which finally gave me the language and tools and access to support that I needed to start making a meaningful difference. Without the understanding that diagnosis gav…

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

"...you are so smart, if only you would apply yourself!"

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#143

Post by hirvi74 » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 10:52 PM UTC

LoganDark wrote: post #129

hirvi74 wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ADHD is a spectrum When analyzing people what is not a spectrum? Every human attribute can be placed on a spectrum. Even other diseases, disorders, etc.. A broken bone can be a hairline crack or shattered into pieces.

Someone can have a mild form of ADHD without it being severe enough to cause executive dysfunction outright. That's what I mean by spectrum

Ok, now I understand. The term I have always heard is "subclincial."

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#144

Post by xyzelement » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 10:53 PM UTC

snikeris wrote: post #98

xyzelement wrote: post #26

My first couple of weeks at Bridgewater I was diagnosed with a fear of failure - deep reluctance to set off on a journey unless I could see the entire path through to the other side. I thought that was a good way to be actually (keeps you safe from doomed endeavors) but obviously keeps you from progressing on things where the only way to figure out the path is to walk it. In retrospect it’s a form of anxiety. If you…

Was this diagnosis from your employer or colleagues?

I think it popped up on an assessment, or maybe my manager quickly tuned it. Either way, the organization was very keen to identify and help grow through such stuff.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#145

Post by hirvi74 » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 10:54 PM UTC

jprd wrote: post #142

prometheus76 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

"...you are so smart, if only you would apply yourself!"

Maybe that is a true sign of intelligence? Smart enough to know it's all a waste of time and effort.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#146

Post by xyzelement » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 10:57 PM UTC

hirvi74 wrote: post #116

xyzelement wrote: post #26

My first couple of weeks at Bridgewater I was diagnosed with a fear of failure - deep reluctance to set off on a journey unless I could see the entire path through to the other side. I thought that was a good way to be actually (keeps you safe from doomed endeavors) but obviously keeps you from progressing on things where the only way to figure out the path is to walk it. In retrospect it’s a form of anxiety. If you…

> If you assume the world is against you and dangerous then setting into an ambiguous space is probabilistically negative. I have seen zero evidence that this is not true in my 31 years on this planet. > If you have faith that things work out for the best, it lets you set out on such a path easier. As Louis C.K. said: > "An optimist is somebody who says, 'Maybe something nice will happen?' Why they fuck would anythin…

I love Louis CK but you're quoting a joke. In reality almost everything we do is rooted in some optimism.

Ever go on a job interview? It's because someone deep down you trust that it or another one like it will land you a job. Ever go on a date? It's because deep down you trust that something will work out with someone.

Maybe you don't do these things, or maybe you do these things expecting bad outcomes (which ironically nearly guarantees that outcome) but the majority of the world operates this way.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#147

Post by selcuka » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 11:13 PM UTC

prometheus76 wrote: post #17

masto wrote: post #12

The oversimplification and promises that if you just buy their thing you'll have a distraction free life in 14 days really irks me. I struggled with this stuff for over 40 years. Only last year, after a disastrous crash, did I start learning about ADHD, which finally gave me the language and tools and access to support that I needed to start making a meaningful difference. Without the understanding that diagnosis gav…

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

> So much of what you take for granted comes from your sense of smell.

I briefly lost my sense of smell after having COVID, and I almost gave my kid spoiled milk, so yeah, it is actually a crucial sense.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#148

Post by selcuka » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 11:17 PM UTC

d0100 wrote: post #103

bookofjoe wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Memories of my ex-wife admonishing me, while in the throes of a deep, disabling episode of clinical depression, to "Snap out of it!"

Ironically, "snapping out of it" is the best way I can deal with it No other reasoning with myself works better than just "snapping out"

Sure, but that's something that only works when you say it to yourself and believe that it will work. It worsens the situation when it comes from someone else.

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#149

Post by maronato » Wed, Feb 21, 2024, 11:19 PM UTC

vitabenes wrote: post #57

codetrotter wrote: post #14

https://news.ycombinator.com/from?site=deprocrastination.co Interesting that pretty much all submissions on the first page of results from this domain is both by the same user and broadly seems to be about the same overarching theme of procrastination. Is OP the author of the site? (OP also posts links to other sites, so not saying OP is doing anything wrong though.)

I post whatever I find interesting and occasionally throw in one of the articles I worked on. If people find it interesting or useful, great, if not, that's okay too.

Is this a case of the former or latter?

Re: Stop postponing things by embracing the mess

#150

Post by notjoemama » Thu, Feb 22, 2024, 12:30 AM UTC

prometheus76 wrote: post #17

masto wrote: post #12

The oversimplification and promises that if you just buy their thing you'll have a distraction free life in 14 days really irks me. I struggled with this stuff for over 40 years. Only last year, after a disastrous crash, did I start learning about ADHD, which finally gave me the language and tools and access to support that I needed to start making a meaningful difference. Without the understanding that diagnosis gav…

It's the classic situation of someone without ADHD telling us "just focus!" or "you just need to write things down!" or "you're just lazy". I have ADHD, and I also do not have a sense of smell (lost it in a TBI when I was a teenager). I tell people, "you take for granted what it's like to have a sense of smell. It affects every moment of your day, catching your interest and directing your attention all the time. Imag…

As the non-ADHD spouse I definitely understand this but it leaves us both scratching our heads when problem solving ADHD related things. I simply can’t comprehend what it’s like and nothing that works for me works for her. Mostly I just try to focus on myself and my needs (which has limits in our relationship). I can’t offer anyone advice except sometimes loving someone else is a choice you make for you, especially when it’s inadvertently (often but not always) one sided.