141–150 of 151 posts
I was bullied, mainly when I was between 10 and 11. This was in the 80's. I recall being both verbally and physically attacked by large groups of other students. My teachers didn't believe me so I couldn't turn to them. In one of the events 8 kids chased me several miles through neighborhoods and fields. Eventually they caught and surrounded me in a front yard. Luckily, an older woman opened her door and had me step…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Maybe they just have kids who go to a nicer school than they did. I think this may have happened with me and my mother. She went to high school in a poor area of the US south during the 1970s, so her school probably wasn't good. She's told me stories of how she was bullied physically (mainly by boys, but girls bullied her physically too), and how she's glad it's not like that "nowadays"/"anymore." Even kids who weren…
Maybe the bullying was happening at your school and you were just lucky not to see it. I went to an excellent high school and it was filled with many friendly intelligent hard working people. I was still bullied. I’m sure many of the other friendly nice kids in my grade probably assumed no bullying was going on because they personally didn’t see it but I can assure you that even in the best schools it can and does ha…
Some students spoke English as a second language and had trouble with it. I know because I was friends with someone like this for a short while. They could have been easy targets for bullies.
Some students were openly transgender. Maybe some people talked bad about them behind their backs and/or disbelieved them, or harassed them without me seeing it. I couldn't know without having asked them about it. I know that at least one other student knew a transgender student from middle school and wouldn't stop calling them by their old name and pronouns.
I was also one of the few who didn't use social media, besides Reddit; maybe there was cyberbullying that I missed. I feel like I'm out of touch with most people my age because of this.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Is there such a thing as a "drastic response" to suicidal ideation?
I think plenty of people have suicidal ideation, especially in moments of despair. I don't really believe it needs a drastic response and checking yourself in - especially if you believe you're being persecuted - is likely to get you nothing helpful and is way over the top. Because it isn't like you're going to receive expert and specialised treatment at a public health facility (which is where you'll go if you're on…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think plenty of people have suicidal ideation, especially in moments of despair. I don't really believe it needs a drastic response and checking yourself in - especially if you believe you're being persecuted - is likely to get you nothing helpful and is way over the top. Because it isn't like you're going to receive expert and specialised treatment at a public health facility (which is where you'll go if you're on…
Your response is very ignorant and you're clearly in no position to be dispensing advice. What you're doing is dangerous. Please stop. This is my last reply to you.
People do despair and do think of ending their lives, however inpatient treatment - which usually entails an immediate loss of income because most people in that state are in precarious day-to-day jobs where they'll be fired for not showing up unexpectedly - can very often make things worse.
In addition it's quite true that public health facilities are under-resourced and can't really do anything with someone that's saying 'I want to kill myself because my life sucks' apart from throw them a metaphorical shrug, some mild sedatives (I know they don't use thorazine any more, I was being hyperbolic) and keep them under observation. Maybe there's time to fit one meeting with a counsellor in there. There are thousands of 'I was involuntarily committed and they just let me watch TV for four days, when I came out I'd lost my job and my house' stories on social media that corroborate what I'm saying.
Counselling and therapy help but those are generally reliant on having an income and the time to find those resources. Generally a trip to the 'looney bin' immediately eliminates both of those.
I think what _you're doing_ is dangerous. Please stop.
And don't use the words 'looney bin' again. Ever.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I moved a lot as a kid and inevitably when I would get into a fight. Once it was established that I didn't bully well I'd be left alone. Thing is, the world is like that past HS it's just not physical violence. Learning to deal with bullies is a life skill that will be employed throughout most of your life.
the problem is, how does a kid actually learn how to deal with bullies? just being exposed to bullying does not work. at least it didn't work for me. while i learned to stand up for others, i never learned to stand up for myself. i found only two options: either i am able to turn the bully around by becoming friends with them or i completely remove myself from the situation. and that can mean quitting a job and movin…
> so to the question, how to actually learn how to deal with bullies, i think, the answer is to learn how to make friends.
You can't be friends with everyone and legitimately malevolent forces exist.
I once had a VP tell my manager to write me up for sending an email asking a department how they used a piece of software. I sent the email because a junior developer was being asked to make an adjustment and he kept coming back from meetings saying "I still don't know what they want me to do" over several weeks and I felt it was my place to assist him. I knew what was happening because I had observed it myself. Their boss (the VP) and his boss would start talking and nothing useful was ever said.
The attempted writeup happened on a thursday, I had a job offer the next day (friday) and put in my 2 weeks the following monday (coincidentally, I was planning on spending that weekend at the lake and used it to calm myself down). I refused to sign anything.
That VP eventually got fired, what I was told is that she was very mean to those under her and on several instances made a few people cry.
You will never solve that problem by trying to make friends, that was a power issue.
---
The real answer is a combination of your parents teaching you and experience. My mother taught me that I better not ever take the first swing but I damned sure better take the second. My mother's stance is that she'll protect me when I'm unable to do it myself but that I better protect myself too. I've had a few instances where the school themselves decided they were going to be unjust and she absolutely went to bat for me.
I once had a PE teacher that didn't like me and decided to let the other kids pick on me. The final day of this happening several of the kids had brought straws and were shooting spitballs into the back of my head. I couldn't quite figure out who it was but we were sitting in rows with the teacher facing us, he 100% saw it happening and said nothing. At the end of the class we'd line up at the door and wait for the bell and I had already decided if I get shoved again there was going to be a fight. Sure enough, the kid behind me shoved me and I turned around and beat his ass down.
That teacher thought he was going to bring the full-court press on me and he very quickly learned to dislike my mother too, I had been telling her about what was happening.
I barely remember this one but my first day of school after moving I'm walking by this kids desk and he accuses me of spitting on him. to this day I have no idea why and if it wasn't for the extreme level of shock and confusion I probably wouldn't even remember this. I remember wondering if I did it and just didn't remember, that's how adamant this kid was. Teacher took a disliking to me and started making me stand out in the hall behind the coats in the coat rack, not participating in class. The way my mother tells it, I had always loved school but I started coming out to the car crying. It took her several days to weasel it out of me but when she did that teacher got to know her too. They put me into a different homeroom and I'll never forget that new teacher. Her name was Mrs Parker and every day at the beginning of class we'd sing a song about Mrs Parker parking cars.
I once had a kid who was picking on me over several weeks. My mother told me to tell the teacher, I did and it didn't stop. This is dating myself but one particular class had a set of Apple II's, if we finished our work early we would get to go back to the computer and play Montezuma's Revenge on it. These were on the 5 1/4 floppy, non-random access so if you removed the disk before it was finished loading you had to start all over again.
This kid who had been picking on me walks up and pulls the disk out while it's loading. I remember this so clearly. I was sitting there and I said something to him as he's walking away. He turns around, walks back and slaps me in the back of the head then turns to walk back to his computer. I immediately jumped up so quickly the chair fell over. I stood there looking at him while the chair bounced. When it stopped bouncing I moved. When it was over I was chasing him around the room and refused to stop going after him until I was physically restrained.
It was that refusal that got me suspended. My mother argued with them over that one since I had reported the bullying and even the teacher was shocked by it because I was such a nice kid in her class. Every day of that suspension my mother took me somewhere fun, all day trips to the zoo, all day trips to various amusement parks, etc. They may have suspended me but she wasn't going to let them punish me.
---
I have many more stories but this is already getting too long :)
There's another poster that said it doesn't seem like kids nowadays have that skill and that's the sense I get from your post.
I'll make 1 last observation. I make mid-6 figures but live like I'm poor (I grew up very poor, was homeless in HS). No company has any power over me because I could live for several years on the cash I currently have on-hand. Most people who allow lifestyle inflation do so at their own expense. They become powerless against their job.
The VP in my first story thought she had power she didn't.
Part of protecting yourself against bullies is positioning yourself so you can simple walk away at any point without fear.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
the problem is, how does a kid actually learn how to deal with bullies? just being exposed to bullying does not work. at least it didn't work for me. while i learned to stand up for others, i never learned to stand up for myself. i found only two options: either i am able to turn the bully around by becoming friends with them or i completely remove myself from the situation. and that can mean quitting a job and movin…
heh, I got to reminiscing and this got a lot longer than originally intended. > so to the question, how to actually learn how to deal with bullies, i think, the answer is to learn how to make friends. You can't be friends with everyone and legitimately malevolent forces exist. I once had a VP tell my manager to write me up for sending an email asking a department how they used a piece of software. I sent the email be…
there is also making friends with others to have as allies against the bullies.
the problem is that teachers do not get trained for this. that teacher that forced you to stay outside of the class should have been fired.
i disagree with fighting back though unless it is simply self-defense.
and for the rest, well, yes, walking away, that's what i usually end up doing. but it's not always an option. especially not when you have kids. so then it's good to have alternative strategies to try instead.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Your response is very ignorant and you're clearly in no position to be dispensing advice. What you're doing is dangerous. Please stop. This is my last reply to you.
I'd like to remind you that you initiated the conversation by using the phrase 'looney bin' which is inherently disrespectful, disparaging and conveys the impression that a person who exhibits suicidal ideation is a 'looney' when, in fact, it is quite common according to modern psychiatric literature. People do despair and do think of ending their lives, however inpatient treatment - which usually entails an immediat…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
In my experience bullying comes after humiliating public experience. Say something stupid in front of the whole school and made everyone laugh? Good, now you are first candidate for bullying
Yep. I got my share of bruises and ruined clothing for being praised in front of the class for top marks. To this day, I'm very uncomfortable in the spotlight.
Many of the jocks where I went to school also got the best marks.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yep. I got my share of bruises and ruined clothing for being praised in front of the class for top marks. To this day, I'm very uncomfortable in the spotlight.
I guarantee you have something else going on. Many of the jocks where I went to school also got the best marks.
When my health improved and I caught up in physical size and strength, I handed out some lessons.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Very much agree. It is a very common way to justify one's bullying, by calling it discipline. But the truth is, if there aren't any clear rules and it's up to one's mood, then it's bullying.
Exactly. The only lesson my dad taught me is to be around him as little as possible, and to be as invisible as possible when I did have to be in the same room with him. I never knew what would make him explode.