Earlier quoted context omitted.
Life was so much better for me when wars killed so many young men that the survivors had an easier time dating, eh?
Only if you happened to end up in the group that was not killed.
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Most young men are single. Most young women are not
141–150 of 300 posts
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#142I think that the biggest difference from the past is that mental health of young adults is deteriorating and that it is impacting men more than women. This is largely driven by the isolation brought by modern technologies but also changes in society, as women became more empowered they also rose their standards which once were to merely be able to provide for the family. Among the complains of my female friends menta…
As a male man chap fellow, I have no clue what "masculinity" means, and I have essentially no interest in trying to define it. We're just individuals. Try to be the best kind of individual you can - learn empathy, show interest in others and help them. Maybe you'll meet someone to partner with, maybe you won't, but chasing some societal ideal of "masculinity" is almost certainly not the best way to be the best versio…
Are you bisexual? If not you are attracted to femininity or masculinity. I guess you are attracted to femininity so you don't recognize that masculinity can also be attractive.
Women tend to dream of a masculine man with feminine interests, same as men dream of feminine women with masculine interests. If you think that is a contradictory statement, no it isn't, pop culture is full of them. Angelina Jolie in Transformers is a good example, she is a mechanic who loves to work with cars, but still very feminine. Take that, and replace cars with some hobby popular among women and make him very masculine in all other aspects, and you basically have a dream guy.
Article about Angelina Jolie from Transformers if you haven't seen it:
https://www.sheknows.com/entertainment/articles/1134670/wome...
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#143Earlier quoted context omitted.
> there are almost no good girls in westernized society Here we go again.. The online catalog of a dating app isn't reflective of the majority of the female population of the collective West. This sort of talk always sounds like incelism, even if you purport not to be one. There's plenty of good women out there, the majority in fact. (some) men today are quick to point out women becoming more demanding or lower quali…
The article briefly mentions porn as an issue. I think porn is a much bigger issue than we're letting on. The men who are now in their 20's are the first generation of men to grow up with virtually unlimited access to porn. What are the results? We can empirically conclude they're struggling to form relationships with women. That's correlation, non causation, but others have been researching this issue and their prel…
That's a fair point, but I'd add that it's sex in media as well as porn. Media is more sexualised than ever before:- TV shows feature more sex and more of it is clearly visible, sex is used to sell basically anything, some dating apps/website have commodified sex (Tinder) and social media adds pressure for younger people.
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#144I find this very surprising. The first sentence of the article states that about 60% of men are single, and only about 30% of women. There's about equal men and women, so that would mean that 30% of women are dating each other, or are in relationships with multiple men? That's discounting men dating men. I find that surprising.
The article states 60/30% of young people, so the correct interpretation is that older men are "taking" a large share of the young, single women / young women prefer dating older men.
So that would be a reversion to historical norms then.
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#145I find this very surprising. The first sentence of the article states that about 60% of men are single, and only about 30% of women. There's about equal men and women, so that would mean that 30% of women are dating each other, or are in relationships with multiple men? That's discounting men dating men. I find that surprising.
Nothing surprising, yes this is mostly about top 10% of men dating several women each. Inequality in action.
You think the disparity is more accounted for by the numeric difference between multiple-dating men and multiple-dating women, rather than by women dating men who are older than themselves?
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#146Throwaway account due to sensitive personal stories. Me and my 4 close friends are reasonably successful in terms of societal standards; we all hit the gym religiously, earn over 100K in a big European city, speak multiple languages and we are all in our early to mid 30s. Dating wise, we each have our funnel of dates from dating apps, nights out where we collect numbers and one night stands. We regularly get around 2…
Nice flex bro!
> My advice is to not bother with dating until you reach certain status in life, earn good money, have good physique, have friends in high places and most importantly, provide fun.
Horrible advice.
Only the last one is really important, and even then, fun looks different to everybody—one person’s idea of boring is another persons idea of fun (board games, for example).
Yes, status is important to humans (although again, it comes in many form, lots of people couldn’t care less about jacked physiques and hefty paychecks). But people are making meaningful connections from an early age and without much of a career underway.
> a) there are almost no good girls in westernized society
That’s like, uhm, misogynist! And funny, because you still seem to spend an awful lot of time and energy on these no good Western girls :)
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#147Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you have many women as friends you are doing something good and bad at the same time. The good is that you can meet women and can interact with them and can get them to trust you. The bad is that you somehow give off all the wrong signals. Then you go abroad and you think the women are different, but they aren't. I have lived in three countries. You just have a higher value as an American man abroad. Ironically, t…
You should always strive to maximize your value in the dating market - any other strategy is self-defeating (note that you can settle after maximizing - that is totally allowed). That means you should try to meet women doing activities you excel at (relative to other people), demonstrating leadership qualities (giving talks at conferences, for ex.) or in GP's case, moving abroad. I'm not sure how the people you attra…
If you're using "strategies" then you're already not genuine, thus not trustworthy, imo.
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#148The article is written in a weird way which suggests that women are pursuing better options and are happy about that, but statistics don’t bear that out. Self-reported life satisfaction for women has been declining since the 1970s: https://docs.iza.org/dp4200.pdf Something I’ve noticed is that American parents of the boomer generation have pretty much abdicated their role in getting younger people paired up. Young pe…
Even just fix-ups can work out well, as my wife and I can attest nearly 40 years after we were fixed up by mutual friends.
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#149I grew up in Latin America but now I'm married to an American woman and thus out of the "pool". I hang out with coworkers still in their 20s and I'm blown away by how their teens and 20s differed from mine. When I was single, all my friends and I could think about was how to find the next date or sexual partner. We were all very active, and I personally had over a dozen "serious" girlfriends (3+ months) and another c…
Culture matters. You can have the most "game" but if you grow up in Saudi Arabia or India you will almost certainly have a lower "count" than someone with no game who grew up in Brazil.
True, but what I'm saying is that the same overall approach - at least in my case - worked well in the US, even though things were harder at first (some tweaks were needed indeed). I bet things would be different in India or Saudi Arabia, however we're talking about the US here. I'm saying that if young American men had the opportunity to learn how to court women, they would have no problems finding mates.
Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not
#150I think that the biggest difference from the past is that mental health of young adults is deteriorating and that it is impacting men more than women. This is largely driven by the isolation brought by modern technologies but also changes in society, as women became more empowered they also rose their standards which once were to merely be able to provide for the family. Among the complains of my female friends menta…
As a male man chap fellow, I have no clue what "masculinity" means, and I have essentially no interest in trying to define it. We're just individuals. Try to be the best kind of individual you can - learn empathy, show interest in others and help them. Maybe you'll meet someone to partner with, maybe you won't, but chasing some societal ideal of "masculinity" is almost certainly not the best way to be the best versio…
Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity by David D. Gilmore goes into the pan-cultural concepts of masculinity. It's a very approachable and deep dive into what defines masculinity across cultures and times.
TLDR: It's not that men are not women, it's that they are not boys.
Manliness is a social marker and is defined by a male's peers, "honor" societies, gangs, etc.
How that is seen is via the 3 P's, which are: Provider, Protector, Procreater.
With very few and rare exceptions, all cultures have these three things as markers of a man. You can have 2 of them in spades and still be seen as a man, but you can't just have 1.
Again, I'm trying to summarize a whole book here in a comment on HN, so if you're interested in discussing and learning more, I'd buy it and read it.