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Write a note to your spouse every day

jdnoc.com

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Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#141

Post by avereveard »

xupybd wrote: post #19
ram_rar wrote: post #7

I am going to get a lot of flak for this. But the more I read things like these, the more I feel marriage is not for everyone and society has a whole should stop gushing down this concept to next generation. Personally I feel, If you have to write a note to your spouse everyday to "save your marriage", then you probably didnt have one to begin with.

Marriage takes work, lots of work. The reward in my experience is totally worth it. You have to lay down part of your life for the new life that you experience with your spouse and children. The individual you once were is now part of a family and no longer exists as an individual. You serve your family and they serve you back. For me the amount I give of myself is much less than I receive back from the marriage / fa…

A note is a tool. It works great if like op there's little overlap between spouses routines, so they can still feel each other presence.

It's not what's going to save marriages on it's own, because it is useful in a specific environment.

When I'm away for work, I always make time to call family morning and evening, so we can keep up with our wake up togheter and spend evening togheter kinda routine. It is both specific to the situation, the family and the context. It'd be silly to call home when I'm home, as it'd be silly to say that this will save someone else marriage.

Heck, marriage doesn't even mean the same thing to different people or has the same meaning across cultures or even within the same culture across time!

Normative approaches to marriage are almost always doomed to fail precisely because of this, and that's also why counseling is largely a personalized process/experience.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#142

Post by eertami »

maest wrote: post #134
barry-cotter wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People who keep on having children are often the kind of people who like children. Under those circumstances I assure you that is not a hellish life.

I think the author thinks they have to have kids as instructed by the bible: "As human beings, our primary mission in life is to be fruitful and multiply, and take dominion over the earth. If that sounds like Bible talk, it is. This is the creed God gave to Adam and Eve. Genesis 1:28. That’s our responsibility as human beings." https://jdnoc.com/guides/increasing-wealth-as-a-father

The linked article has quite a few cracks that show, but this is just straight up ramblings of a crazy person. Is this the sad outcome for people who don't know how to write but get addicted to "hustle" influencers and SEO scams?

Also none of this sounds at all Christian.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#143

Post by michaelt »

zwirbl wrote: post #48
lbrito wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>marriage is not for everyone For quite a long time this was a very obvious and common sense statement. That is literally the traditional view of the Catholic Church on marriage, for example. Things changed only very recently.

> That is literally the traditional view of the Catholic Church on marriage Can you elaborate on that? Living as an unmarried couple is not very catholic AFAICT, and when not in a relationship, how should you marry?

Check out 1 Corinthians 7:25-39 [1]

I've heard there was a time, ~2000 years ago, when people thought the second coming of christ was so close they were only being asked to be celibate for a year or two, and marriage was only there for people who couldn't manage that.

[1] https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians...

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#145

Post by em-bee »

basicplus2 wrote: post #123

Where does one find a wife?

find some female friends first. and i specifically don't mean try to just date women. friendship without expecting to get married is a better startingpoint.

start here https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31713720 and maybe here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29100862

online dating can work, but only if both partners are open to a serious conversation of your respective expectations from a relationship. or of you both accept that building a relationship takes time to get to know each other.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#146

Post by 2000UltraDeluxe »

cleandreams wrote: post #49

Wow, so much negativity. I think this is great advice. The key is being genuine and appreciative. Take care of your neediness in other ways. If you don't know how to listen, writing lots of notes can be just another way of monopolizing the conversation. Use the note as a way to maintain the intimacy you already have. Ps my marriage lasted happily for 37 years until the untimely death of my beloved wife.

I think the main lesson from the article is that communication is key. There's different ways of going about it, and daily notes is just one of them.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#147

Post by eertami »

thinkingemote wrote: post #138
carom wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is probably the most abjectly negative comment section I've seen on HN. Really reddit-tier comments coming from some well aged accounts.

The submission is classic Reddit typical, to be fair. So one should expect a HN user to respond appropriately. I expect the submission to be flagged or at least not be visible on the front page in a couple of hours.

Yep. I suspect this submission is SEO spam, based on the authors other content about... yeah you guessed it, creating SEO spam.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#148

Post by chrisseaton »

mihaaly wrote: post #126
insightcheck wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The author is the founder, owner, and operator of a company, and from a quick view, is quite successful at his work. Plus, he is in a relationship where his partner is supportive of his dreams and long hours. And he has kids at the same time. That sounds like a great life to me. Not a lot of people get the opportunity, and not very many people can pull it off. I'm sure life will be more relaxed when the kids leave th…

When there is no time for important things that does not sound like a great life (to me of course). Is that company that important? Did we loose the ability to get enough to live and we live to get enough instead?

> Is that company that important?

If he doesn’t want his children to starve then yeah working is important.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#149

Post by em-bee »

alexashka wrote: post #95
anotheruser092 wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't get it. Would you be suggesting that truly selfless people don't like to be thanked? If so, I don't understand why that would be a good thing; there's nothing wrong to expect respect or basic appreciation for your help.

We're using the word differently. In the context of this thread, gratitude stands for expressing what you appreciate about your relationship with another. Do you see the problem here? If you like a flower, do you feel the need to thank it? No, right? A flower does what flowers do. So what's different about this scenario? The difference is you're using expression of gratitude as a tactic to manipulate. If you're think…

If you like a flower, do you feel the need to thank it? No, right? A flower does what flowers do. So what's different about this scenario? The difference is you're using expression of gratitude as a tactic to manipulate.

ugh, no, the difference is that your partner is a human being that can't read minds. if you expect them to know that you are grateful without expressing it then that may seriously hurt your relationship.

i'd rather think that if you believe that everyone expressing gratitude is manipulative then that makes you the sociopath.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#150

Post by eps »

marriedforever wrote: post #24
xupybd wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Marriage takes work, lots of work. The reward in my experience is totally worth it. You have to lay down part of your life for the new life that you experience with your spouse and children. The individual you once were is now part of a family and no longer exists as an individual. You serve your family and they serve you back. For me the amount I give of myself is much less than I receive back from the marriage / fa…

> The reward in my experience is totally worth it. What is the reward?

Companionship.
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