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Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

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Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#141

Post by xdfgh1112 »

s1artibartfast wrote: post #89
dcow wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Considering how grateful OP is for the advice shared by the community here previously, my impression is they're open to the continued advice. It's hardly unsolicited. I don't consider it rude when people are trying to be genuinely helpful. If you consider that rude you might be overly sensitive yourself and missing the bigger context. It's not happening here, but: I really really don't understand people who get offen…

In not especially offended, but it does rub me the wrong way when people make negative assumptions about others, then offer their advice. To me it comes off as condescension, not actually help. If they wanted to help or cared, they would seek to understand first. Unsolicited and more importantly uninformed advice shows a disregard for the recipient. It reminds me of legal advice threads where people give terrible adv…

I agree. But since unsolicited advice is low effort, it's hard to stop that sort of thing becoming the dominant form of narrative

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#142

Post by reuven »

I didn't see your original post. But I'm delighted to hear that things have improved.

There's no doubt that stress in your career can lead to stress at home. Certainly, when I'm stressed about my work (or when my wife is stressed about hers), it can be difficult on our relationship. And then, as they say, you have two problems. Moreover, it can feel hopeless.

So many people say that you have to work for a big, famous company, with huge compensation packages. But once you're getting paid well, there are other important things: Do you care about the work you're doing? Are you treated decently at work? Do they give you responsibility, and the power to make decisions?

There are oodles of people out there making good wages at companies we've never heard of, working with people they like, on projects they believe add value to the world. Such jobs aren't glamorous, and won't make the front page of the newspaper, but it doesn't matter.

I love my work. I feel fortunate to do what I do. And when I tell people this, they are often taken aback, and say, "Wow, you're really lucky. I don't like my work; I just do it for the paycheck." So if you have this kind of excitement, energy, enjoyment, and fulfillment from your new job -- then you've won, as it were. You should feel good about this, and should consider yourself among the rare, fortunate folks in that situation.

In short, it's great to hear about someone who has found satisfaction in their work. And if that satisfaction has improved your marriage? All the better.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#143

Post by agumonkey »

theGeatZhopa wrote: post #41
_carbyau_ wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lines you won't see on a gravestone: "I wish I had worked more." "I wish I had a less meaningful relationship with my wife."

… I wish I was little bit taller I wish I was a baller I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat, And a six four Impala

spinnin

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#144

Post by exodust »

sacrosancty wrote: post #19

Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…

> "Relationships are far more important than jobs, money or houses."

In the movies, maybe: "As long as we're together, nothing else matters".

In reality, relationship success often depends on certain fundamental things being in order. Like financial security and comfortable living arrangements.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#145

Post by muzani »

sacrosancty wrote: post #19

Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…

Relationships are like a muscle. They grow with stress, but not with prolonged stress.

It's not just a direct relationship though. Consider your relationship with your spouse's family, friends, community, spiritual stuff. These are usually easiest to strengthen during good periods.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#146

Post by elcomet »

TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #103
uoaei wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But they can sure as hell make you unhappy! And it's up to you to keep that in mind.

Why would they be able to make you unhappy but not be able to make you happy? How can they affect one but not both?

They can make you unhappy by being not nice with you.

They can help you being more happy by supporting you.

But if you're really unhappy about your life or work, that's usually not enough

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#147

Post by elcomet »

burrows wrote: post #57
_carbyau_ wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lines you won't see on a gravestone: "I wish I had worked more." "I wish I had a less meaningful relationship with my wife."

Because I’ve seen “I wish I had worked less.” on a gravestone?

It's an expression. It means what people say at the end of their life.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#148

Post by corrius »

I don't normally comment on HN but reading all the negative vibes made me want to comment.

Glad to hear you are doing great! I had to make the decision between a high paying job and a high rewarding job and choosing the second one has been a huge improvement in my life.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#149

Post by neuronic »

drewcoo wrote: post #63

Seek counseling. You're making life decisions based on web boards. Somehow programming and your relationship with your spouse are tied up together. You're riding really high now. You were really low before. Emotional roller coasters mean you should talk with someone, regardless of how you're feeling right now.

Please stop psychologically evaluating someone over an Internet comment.
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