The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness • Hacker News Board

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#141

Post by MeinBlutIstBlau » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 3:58 PM UTC

naravara wrote: post #11

JKCalhoun wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All I can think: turn off the internet. Internet in the morning. Have your coffee, catch up on the news, your social. Then put the internet down for the rest of the day. Go out, ride a bike with a friend, go hike with a friend, go to a coffee shop, library....

Doesn’t this depend on having friends who are off the internet too? In the before times, I’d go to get drinks with friends and often found they were chronically distracted. If there’s a lull in conversation they pull out their phones. I go to the bathroom and come back and they’re swiping through Tinder. I got married before the dating apps got popular so I never went down that particular rabbit hole, but I feel like…

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Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#142

Post by rocketbop » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:01 PM UTC

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #117

JohnWhigham wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If there’s a lull in conversation they pull out their phones. I despise how this behavior has been completely normalized. Especially in the dating sphere. People putting their phones on the table to make sure they never miss notifications is just so fucking disrespectful to the people you're actually with.

Personally I never understood it as disrespectful, because I assume they’ve got some personal shit they might not be able to be uncontactable for. What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children? And most certainly they’re not going to tell me and frankly I’m not enti…

> What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children?

Even if any or all of that is true you can still put your phone away. If it's an emergency someone will call you.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#143

Post by lastofthemojito » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:02 PM UTC

jbrun wrote: post #4

It's a bit paradoxical. I have a tech company and most staff want to come to the office 1 day a week. Getting them to come is very tough. Many of my staff and friends don't want to have kids, make no effort to find a partner and find all sorts of excuses. Netflix, the internet and these things are part of the problem, but I have no clue what the solution is. There is only one way to not be lonely - be with people who…

Is there a name for activity that we want to have done, but don't often want to do in the moment? You know how lots of people want to exercise regularly, but at any given moment when they could choose to exercise, they end up not doing so? That's how I feel about going into the office. A lot of times when I end up in the office I overhear interesting chatter I wouldn't have otherwise heard, or I catch up with a colleague I normally wouldn't have talked to that day. In the abstract, I wouldn't mind going into the office a couple of times a week, but on any given day I can easily come up with a reason why it makes more sense to stay home that day.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#144

Post by deft » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:02 PM UTC

Society sucks. Everything we do ends up only making conditions worse, perhaps its time for a radical new way of living.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#145

Post by boh » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:02 PM UTC

Loneliness isn't a problem. It's a necessary unpleasant state that promotes social activity akin to sleep pressure that forces you to sleep. The problem is that people are addicted to social simulacra (via social media) rather than actual social activity and so only accomplish temporary relief from the feeling of loneliness while retaining the state of loneliness (like binge drinking coffee instead of actually sleeping).

Regardless of the hype, social media is a poor substitute to physical human interaction and is more anti-social than it seems. I'm sorry, but Internet friends you've never met aren't your friends. They won't support you in the ways that really matter, they won't know you as you are rather than how you portray yourself. Internet communities have the capacity to broker relationships but those relationships have to flourish outside of those communities to endure.

Loneliness is good. It forces you to do the unpleasant, inconvenient and potentially risky act of actually getting to know someone and include them in your life. People need to allow themselves to feel it so they can act on it and truly relieve it instead of wallowing in digital emotion machines that simulate human interactions.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#146

Post by swayvil » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:03 PM UTC

newaccount2021 wrote: post #5

people are married to work, get their gratification from porn and buying things downside: no one to talk to

It's a kind of optimization when you think about it. An optimization of the worker. His lifestyle is modified for maximum time and energy invested in work. All other needs (sleep, socialization, leisure, eating, exercise) are reduced to a tiny high-efficiency pill form.

It looks planned but my bet is on accidental.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#147

Post by emptysongglass » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:04 PM UTC

bloopernova wrote: post #50

jbrun wrote: post #4

It's a bit paradoxical. I have a tech company and most staff want to come to the office 1 day a week. Getting them to come is very tough. Many of my staff and friends don't want to have kids, make no effort to find a partner and find all sorts of excuses. Netflix, the internet and these things are part of the problem, but I have no clue what the solution is. There is only one way to not be lonely - be with people who…

I've chatted with a couple of people who feel that their country (USA) is descending into chaos, and they don't feel like investing in a doomed future. I agree with the general feeling, but I'm trying to use it to motivate myself to have more fun. As to why people feel doomed: Republicans are putting the most faithful trump zealots in places to most influence the next elections. Remember that the Republicans believe…

This belief appears to be an artifact of people spending way too much time on social media, where suppositions are amplified into emotional Armageddons with little basis in reality.

The United States' status of "doomed" isn't supported by any metric.

> The utter insidious evil of the election theft lie from trump is going to destroy the USA by removing any trust in elections.

This kind of invective is just utterly counterproductive. If you want to see a brighter future, start building.

The world is not that presented by the distorting effects of the shrill voices of the doomsayers.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#148

Post by G3rn0ti » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:06 PM UTC

mrdoops wrote: post #14

jbrun wrote: post #4

It's a bit paradoxical. I have a tech company and most staff want to come to the office 1 day a week. Getting them to come is very tough. Many of my staff and friends don't want to have kids, make no effort to find a partner and find all sorts of excuses. Netflix, the internet and these things are part of the problem, but I have no clue what the solution is. There is only one way to not be lonely - be with people who…

They need stable, actionable futures. Homes they can afford to own, communities they can raise kids in, an environment that won't go up in flames; they need systems that have their back.

> Homes they can afford to own

In Germany where I live home owners are in the minority (40%). In Europe on average homeownership is about 70%. Yet, we are one of the richest countries in Europe.

Furthermore, buying a house on credit does not mean you own it — since as long as you pay your debt it’s the bank that owns it really.

Finding a partner and maintaining a relationship got nothing to do with owning a home. I am saying that as a dad without owning a house.

Looking at this list:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_home_ow...

I am also not really sure I really would want to live in the top countries with the highest percentage of home owners.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#149

Post by penjelly » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:06 PM UTC

throway20211207 wrote: post #131

Severe chronic pain is how I'd describe the loneliness I've experienced during the pandemic. Im alone 80-90% of any given day and it's by far the most painful experience I've ever had, even with strategies to actively manage it (I work at coffee shops, attend church, and am very active in a sporting community) The social backdrop of life is family and community, that's what you come home too. I divorced just before t…

> 1. Every decision we make corporately as a society seems to weaken or impede family and community life. From how we build our cities to how we respond to pandemics. I have no solution other than try and buck the trend.

agreed. it seems community & family life has been trending downwards for a long time and lately its in a steep dive.

You could try VR chatting (seems like you covered the normal bases already), i dont think its dystopian if used sparingly. I know there are tons of lonely souls who use that as an outlet for expressing themselves & ideas, or feeling closer to others while watching movies/gaming.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#150

Post by bettysdiagnose » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:07 PM UTC

phone8675309 wrote: post #29

> I have a tech company and most staff want to come to the office 1 day a week. Getting them to come is very tough. I’ve never felt more lonely in my life than working in an office full of people, and I know that’s a sentiment shared by most of my friends. I don’t think working in an office is the major factor in this.

Indeed living in Germany taught me that sometimes it's better to be alone than to be around people who make you feel alone. It's not sufficient to simply be around people, it can absolutely be actively counter-productive. Coming up against several stereotypically cold Germans who seemed barely able to even acknowledge my at least positive and non-zero value as a human being took a while to get used to...