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A researcher on how to live a happy life

ox.ac.uk

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Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#141

Post by cylinder »

jmchuster wrote: post #121
vntx wrote: post #56

Long commutes are indeed the bane of my existence. One can never feel more helpless and outraged while stuck in heavy traffic. Ironically, this pandemic has made me much happier as I don't have to drive everywhere. I finally have more time to think and pursue my curiosities instead of burning gas and yelling expletives. It's quite refreshing.

I actually have found long (low traffic) commutes to be quite nice for just spacing out and thinking. It's a block of time at the beginning of each day and then at the end of each work day that forces you to ignore the distractions of the world and just leaves you by yourself.

Not possible for me. The behaviour of others around me on the train stresses me out immensely, especially sneezing and coughing (and that was pre-COVID), listening to music or phone calls on speakerphone on crowded trains, stupid conversations, etc.

Further my time is valuable, not in a monetary sense, but when you have a child at home, every minute away counts and there is no value to spending 90 minutes a day on a train.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#142

Post by cylinder »

zelienople wrote: post #85

Happiness is overrated; find something you like doing and do it. A job, a hobby, a pursuit--in short, an avocation. The greatest horror for me would be to not be interested in anything. So many people seem to have this affliction. That is what I would call unhappiness: to be interested in nothing in particular.

Right people always bring up that quote "nobody on their deathbed wished they worked more." But how many people on their deathbed regret a life passed in mediocrity, without at least attempting to master or excel at something; maybe some do wish they worked harder so they could have provided more for their children, etc.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#143

Post by bobthechef »

Aristotle and Aquinas are indispensible (though you might want to begin with commentaries or approachable introductions, like Feser's). Contrary to the liberal tradition, "freedom" is understood as self-mastery not uninhibited indulgence of the passions which leads to misery (hence the Augustinian observation that man has as many masters as he has vices). Aquinas also distinguishes beatitudo from felicitas. You also have the virtues. Happiness is ultimately teleological.

Look to the ancients and medievals that we so eagerly forget and dismiss because we think we've unquestionably outdone them. Be careful, though, because your fallacious presuppositions may get in the way. They did for me, but with time, those vicious usurpers, that bad metaphysics, that poor substitute for properly understood science, has given way to a sounder picture of things dislodged from the tyrannical grip of error.

All that is to say that you should not be surprised if you find yourself reacting with incredulity until you begin to realize how unfounded and even incoherent it is. Give it time.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#144

Post by perl4ever »

godisdad wrote: post #53

I think the material conditions of one’s existence are relevant to happiness. A lot of articles like this, minimalism, tiny houses and living with nothing strike me as boomer media controlled justifications for austerity. Gas lighting a whole generation of people to settle for less because “things” don’t matter, money doesn’t matter and what really matters is living in a tire shed telling yourself that everything is…

>Gas lighting a whole generation of people to settle for less because “things” don’t matter, money doesn’t matter and what really matters is living in a tire shed telling yourself that everything is OK.

Other people telling you what you should want is obnoxious. But I take it as axiomatic that whenever someone is doing that sort of thing, they're really debating themselves. Every debatable assertion is the outward expression of inward uncertainty. It's healthy to accept that.

If someone is telling you things don't matter, then they are trying to convince themselves. And if it makes you angry, then you are trying to convince yourself they do matter. You can just say "maybe, maybe not" and possibly consider experimenting to find out. Get things, give them up. It's inevitable that in life, first you get things and then you give them up, anyway.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#146

Post by XCSme »

For me currently happiness is just the balance between feeding my "lizard brain" (instincts, cravings, laziness) and my rational brain (being productive, working, planning for the future). Whenever I go one way too far, I start feeling either depressed (procrastinating too much) or exhausted/burned out (working too much).

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#147

Post by maroonblazer »

saltedonion wrote: post #47
WhompingWindows wrote: post #6

For me, I have become happier in the moment via insight meditation, which focuses on noticing thoughts and feelings without action or reaction. Part of the wisdom of meditation lies in the following: There is baggage we all carry, the self, this belief we're the center of it all, the author of (and subservient to) our own thoughts. How do I stop doing what makes me unhappy, if that's "who I am"? But, in reality, I ca…

Very insightful. Please share more. I’ve been taking up meditation and bubiddism but still very much a novice. I find that as you open your mind and see through more things, in a way things gets less interesting. It’s that feeling that you’ve seen this movie before. Maybe this is normal for older people but I’m in my 20s and it feels very odd. How do you deal with that and not feel like a zombie.

I started meditating in college (30+ years ago) and always thought I was doing it right. Then a few years ago I began using Sam Harris' Waking Up app and realized I was doing it wrong.

I'd read about people traveling to Tibet to learn meditation and how, interspersed with their actual meditation, were periods of instruction. This never made sense to me. Now I understand the value of that instruction. Sure, some people can pick up an instrument without ever taking lessons; most people can't. It's the same with meditation.

Highly recommended for both novice and experienced meditators alike.

https://www.wakingup.com/

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#148

Post by james_s_tayler »

hugey010 wrote: post #111
saltedonion wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Very insightful. Please share more. I’ve been taking up meditation and bubiddism but still very much a novice. I find that as you open your mind and see through more things, in a way things gets less interesting. It’s that feeling that you’ve seen this movie before. Maybe this is normal for older people but I’m in my 20s and it feels very odd. How do you deal with that and not feel like a zombie.

It's often referred to as mindfulness, and it falls under cognitive behavioral therapy. I've had trouble finding useful links, so I'll repeat the practical info I was taught. Pretend your active focus or attention is like a fishing line. Pick a single thing, usually a physical object like a tree, and "cast" your focus onto that. Focus on specific parts of the tree, the bark, leaves, how the wind moves through it, how…

I'm learning the mindfulness skills from the DBT skills workbook. For the first time I really get what 'mindfulness' is. It's actually quite accessible and not just some vague term. Really enjoying learning mindfulness skills and starting to use them in everyday situations.

I find that it gives another option other than the default reaction to situations, so you can be more intentional.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#149

Post by slothtrop »

I-M-S wrote: post #119
asdfologist wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This pretty much sums up Christian ethics.

Christian ethics is all about demanding a payment, ie. the promise that one's good deeds will be rewarded in afterlife.

More accurately that worship / faith will be rewarded with salvation. For Christians afterlife is broadly considered a certainty, it's just a question of whether you'll get the good or bad one.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#150

Post by Nition »

wolfhumble wrote: post #138
I-M-S wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Christian ethics is all about demanding a payment, ie. the promise that one's good deeds will be rewarded in afterlife.

No, we are all sinners, and Jesus paid the price for each one of us on the cross: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." [Ephesians 2, 8-9 NKJV] "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us fr…

Probably worth adding the famous John 3:16:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (emphasis mine)

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