141–150 of 363 posts
If I say, "Why don't you just X?"
It's short hand for:
- This is the first solution I thought of
- I am sure you already tried this
- Since you probably already tried it, why didn't it work?
It's about learning. I don't think most people are so fragile and insecure that you can't ask them about their problem space.
You are hinting that it doesn't. You are not suggesting that you know it should, or why, even if they can't give you a good answer. You are also not assuming that they don't know.
It's easy enough for the other party to come up with some mediocre reply to save face. That allows you to further assess how perceptive the other party is to receiving assistance. For example some version of "I tried that at some point, didn't work" would probably lead to me backing off respectfully. Any "why/how" question and we can take it from there.
“Did you consider using sshd?” “Would sshd have worked here?” “I’ve seen sshd used in cases like this in the past–was that an option?” Why didn’t you just use one of these phrases?
Would one of these phrases have worked here?
I’ve seen these phrases used in cases like this in the past, was that an option?
Also, quite recently I had an experience where I used a quick solution without thinking about alternatives; a colleague simply said "I worked on a similar thing some time ago, and we did XYZ", which was not only better than my solution but also prompted me to think about alternative solutions. In the end I went for a third, arguably best solution, which I would have never thought of if there wasn't for the colleague's comment.
Consider "Did you try x?". It's matter of fact. It offers them the benefit of doubt whilst simultaneously giving them the the opportunity to be oblivious x, without assuming one way or the other. Much easier to begin a conversation with.
Speaking about facts makes conversations easier. In tech we're told "don't just give your opinion, bring evidence" - evidence are facts. The same works here too.
No amount of rewording will substitute for a smile.
That said, I liked the last phrasing in the article. It shows perfectly what the question is: "this was my first idea, I can't see why it wouldn't work. Do you want to try this, or have you already thought of it and is theres a reason it's not working?"
The lesson of _that_ article would be to pretend a coworker was to ask "Why didn't you just ___?" and fill in the blank on your own. Repeat as needed.
You’d think this guy works in an adult daycare center, either that or I’m an asshole. Why didn’t you just ask the question and not worry about how it comes across instead of writing an article about it? :P
Some of my colleagues have told me that they consider me to be "brilliant" and that they enjoy working with me, yet there are many others who tell me I can't hold a conversation with them without making them feel like an idiot or that I'm belittling them. From my perspective, I would never intentionally say anything that would cause someone to feel bad about themselves. I also make it a point to tell those I meet that I'm very blunt and if I seem confrontational it's just because I'm curious about their thought process. I see mistakes or inefficiencies as a way to learn, not belittle.
However, this never works. Some people are simply unwilling to learn or consider your solution. The unfortunate part about software development is that the actual software development is a fraction of the job and the politics make up the rest. There is no clear answer to the question of "how can I say this particular thing without someone getting offended?" because the unfortunate truth that I've found is that at the end of the day if the person is insecure or is going through some kind of emotional turmoil anything you say or do will offend or bother them. Especially if you're confident and incredibly good at what you do.
The solution that has seemed to work for me is to simply not help them unless you are their boss. If you're their boss people are more likely to be receptive of your advice. However if you're not their boss and you know they're insecure (you can learn who is and who isn't if you pay attention and practice this skill) just avoid any chance you can where you might point out their mistakes or make them feel bad unintentionally. It's unfortunate, but it's human nature.
I've learned a lot about human nature and politics in the positions that I've been in recently... I might write a blog post about it. It's incredibly frustrating how much of software development is mired with emotions.