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I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

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Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#141

Post by barry-cotter »

aerophilic wrote: post #116
barry-cotter wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At some point they’ll leave your care and enter some other environments. If they don’t understand that other people find school and intellectual work far more difficult and less rewarding than they do there are two different failure modes possible. They can really piss people off by suggesting they do things they perceive as a deliberate insult, like telling a coal miner they they should retrain and get a job at Goog…

It’s a valid concern. I worry about this a lot. My wife had a much different upbringing than me, and as a consequence, is “blind” to certain realities. When I tell her things about how most people find “x” hard, she just doesn’t “get it”. She just sees that there are so many people who find “x” easy, and she looks “up” and sees all the things she finds hard. Not sure how to “teach” this to my kids, other than having…

> Not sure how to “teach” this to my kids, other than having them stay with family that weren’t as fortunate as me while growing up. Show them how hard it is when you don’t have all the advantages (we thus far) have been able to give them.

Summer and part time jobs. Working in a supermarket, fast food restaurant or on a golf course or construction site leaves you with a much better appreciation for the breadth of human capacities, interests and experiences than working towards your first I Banking internship. I’m sure volunteering as a tutor to disadvantaged children would help a bit too but only for realising the diversity of capacities out there.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#142

Post by 0815test »

motohagiography wrote: post #125

I realized that being selected for a gifted class wasn't so much about helping my peers as it was protecting the order of the classroom. If someone said today, "hey, these people are exceptional, let's isolate them from the people they seem to lead," I'd recognize it for what it was. When I look at former gifted kids, it's almost as though a generation of young leaders were sabotaged by appealing to their parents van…

Management and leadership involve plenty of problem solving! It's genuinely hard work, not just faffing around - that's just the stereotype that prevails among people who have never been in a management role in the first place. For one thing, if you're in management, there's probably a higher-level manager that you're accountable to! Funny how people seem to forget this.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#143

Post by amelius »

godzillabrennus wrote: post #118
amelius wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for sharing, but why do you refer to your sibling as "they"?

My siblings gender is Female. Why does it matter? Did that change your perception of the story?

It was just a detail that seemed a little impersonal which is strange in a personal story; could be me, but in any case don't worry about it.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#144

Post by thrav »

sdwisely wrote: post #31

I kind of wish my parents had never been told this. I think being told I was "gifted" might have blinded them to a much more important problem - that I had severe ADHD.

I have the same story, and I’m pretty sure the author is undiagnosed as well. If her child has it, it’s almost a certainty that one of the parents has it, and it’s probably her.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#145

Post by TheBeardKing »

turk73 wrote: post #62
augustl wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Unfortunately I spent a lot of that free time playing video games. It was fun but i could've achieved way more. I'm currently beta testing a new optimization - I'm only allowed to play WoW Classic after my todo-list is done. One if the items on the todo-list is "do something productive for 30 minutes" (and currently, there's no shortage of things to fill those 30 minutes with). Maybe I can use the extreme gravitati…

You should throw out all the games. I'm serious. I never really began to succeed until I stopped playing stupid games and became a man. Now I'm managing younger guys who can't put down the controller. Last fall I had to fire someone who was clearly staying up all night playing video games and was never prepared for work nor doing an adequate job at it. Sadly, his own sense of privilege prevented him from being able t…

You should throw out [addictive behavior X] is what you really mean. I'm 35 and have multiple hobbies and kids, gaming is one that I just limit to a few hours a week. Anything prohibiting you from fulfilling your responsibilities is a problem area.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#146

Post by jsjohnst »

ransom1538 wrote: post #126
celticninja wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

The world needs more good people. The world doesn't need more smart people.

We need people who are both.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#147

Post by bananocurrency »

turk73 wrote: post #62
augustl wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Unfortunately I spent a lot of that free time playing video games. It was fun but i could've achieved way more. I'm currently beta testing a new optimization - I'm only allowed to play WoW Classic after my todo-list is done. One if the items on the todo-list is "do something productive for 30 minutes" (and currently, there's no shortage of things to fill those 30 minutes with). Maybe I can use the extreme gravitati…

You should throw out all the games. I'm serious. I never really began to succeed until I stopped playing stupid games and became a man. Now I'm managing younger guys who can't put down the controller. Last fall I had to fire someone who was clearly staying up all night playing video games and was never prepared for work nor doing an adequate job at it. Sadly, his own sense of privilege prevented him from being able t…

>I never really began to succeed until I stopped playing stupid games and became a man.

I think this says more about yourself than you realize.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#148

Post by dorchadas »

AllegedAlec wrote: post #51
S_A_P wrote: post #17

One of the first articles I remember reading on HN was back in 2009. The gist of the article was that you shouldn’t praise your kids for being smart, praise them when they work hard. Rewarding hard work will better serve them in the long run since being smart will plateau at some point. I have a 9 and 11 year old and I still bristle a little bit when my mom says y’all are so smart.

It's what Pratchett said: “If you trust in yourself... and believe in your dreams... and follow your star... you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”

This has truly bit me in the ass. I was 'gifted' and never had to study in high school, or college really. But I was also lazy and it makes learning new things so much more difficult, at least without a structured school curriculum (I do think I might have adult ADHD too, but that's not what this is), despite wanting to make a career change. It's frustrating at times being stuck in that rutt. Oh, well, looks like a new masters for me next year.
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