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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#141

Post by keiferski »

52-6F-62 wrote: post #131
keiferski wrote: post #17

I’ve always thought life is a balancing act of “building” and “experiencing.” Building relationships, communities, homes, organizations, education (your self) and experiencing other countries, different jobs, lifestyles, foods, etc. Western culture as a whole has gone a little too far in the “experience” direction. You can see this in little ways, like the fact that Legos are sold as pre-planned structures and not ge…

> like the fact that Legos are sold as pre-planned structures and not generic building blocks This is completely tangential, but to be fair they're sold in both ways. I'm what most people would call a grown man, but I still can't help myself (or my girlfriend sometimes) and we pick up the odd set. You can still buy large sets of mixed blocks, as well as the models. I've got a few models posted around my place because…

Yeah you can still buy them, but when I was a kid 25 years ago, there were no corporate-branded sets and “classic” Legos were the default.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#142

Post by mmczaplinski »

simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

Obviously, there is a tradeoff between the two ends of the spectrum that you've labelled travel and careerism...

Here is another tradeoff for you to consider: One between telling an inspiring lie in order to pick someone up and being brutally honest about their life choices.

If your "advice" is "you missed your chance, you're screwed", then that does not help anyone else either. Advice is as much about inspiring confidence and fostering a change in perspective as it is about dealing with the hard truths.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#143

Post by tormeh »

I dunno. There seems to be many ways to be miserable. The only distinguishing feature of this might be that the possibility of doing it this way is rather new, and more relevant to HN. Suffocating in Podunk, Nowhere is an older thing. I think there is a happy middle ground somewhere, although it's probably individual.

Not that I'd know. I struggle with this exact problem right now, I'm just younger and less extreme.

Anyway, "Merry Go 'Round" by Kacey Musgraves is a great song.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#144

Post by amyjess »

yholio wrote: post #73

> And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago. It sounds like going from one end of the spectrum (aventuros, yolo) to the other (a family, fast), all while punching above their weight, so to s…

> When youth starts to fade away, reality kicks in - the highly desirable partners are not interested, and the average ones are already committed to long time partners who valued them in their own youth.

You're forgetting about a) divorcees and b) men who have also gone down the same path.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#145

Post by GlenTheMachine »

This probably won't be popular, but what the hell.

I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or being true to yourself, or really thinking about yourself at all. It's in being of benefit to the human beings around you. And in serving those around you, you become something that is worth being.

It doesn't matter who you are or where you live, there are poor people around you. There are parentless children, drug addicts, parks that need cleaning, animal shelters that need dog walkers. You can always do something meaningful with your life. Try that, and see what kind of relationships you make. Look at and actually see a homeless person. See how that makes you feel. See if your worrying about your own future maybe drops away, or gets morphed into something you can do something with. See what kinds of other people you run into that way. Focus on, if not bringing joy to other people, then at least making their lives better. See if that doesn't - as a pure byproduct - change your own self-worth. Or maybe just make you less focused on it.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#146

Post by 8bitsrule »

mc32 wrote: post #48
simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

I’m reminded of a story an English tracher once related to us. A friend of the group decided to go off and teach English in Spain, had lots of fun and few worries, life was wonderful and friends back home felt “jealous”. But this person returned one day, many years later with little in the sense of career accomplishment and security (dunno what prompted the move back, age, money, career, crisis?). Moral was when they…

'little but transitory happiness'

There are many people in the world who will never know happiness. Life itself is transitory, 'accomplishment' is not a substitute for it, 'security' is a dream. Old men may say 'Youth is wasted on the young'; I say bravo to the young who drink life to the lees.

When you sell today, can you be so sure of tomorrow?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#147

Post by jmoss20 »

api wrote: post #74
citilife wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> decades at a time I think we're seeing the result of the baby boomer generation, essentially. They rejected the old, as you put it -- stern way of parenting. I'd argue, perhaps it wasn't so much stern as it was the structured. There was structure, expectations, and responsibilities. Things previous generates required to live. Since then, we've grown increasingly accustomed to insane amounts of wealth (or perhaps de…

Social trends almost always overcorrect. I wouldn't be surprised if we overcorrect the other way in future generations, then back again, etc. People seem to have trouble with the idea that the optimum is not at an extreme.

> "... the idea that the optimum is not an extreme."

I'd put this as "not an extreme" /on any of the axes that we're considering/. Life has an awful lot of dimensions -- if you imagine a very high-dimensional hypercube and draw the optima randomly, the optima are almost guaranteed to be close to some surface (some "extreme").

To my eye, the real problem is finding the correct perspective -- the one at which an optimum lies at an extreme.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#149

Post by ep103 »

MRD85 wrote: post #133
yholio wrote: post #73

> And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago. It sounds like going from one end of the spectrum (aventuros, yolo) to the other (a family, fast), all while punching above their weight, so to s…

I'm 33 and male, I find it amazing how the dating balance has shifted since I was 23. If I wanted I could easily line up multiple dates per week with women who I'd date. When I was younger a lot of women wouldn't give me the time of day.

Honest question, how do you meet them? I find things like dating apps are horribly tilted to the young?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#150

Post by danso »

kempbellt wrote: post #33
Tade0 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Frankly I stopped reading the moment the book was mentioned. It feels off and insincere.

I would think the same thing, if the book wasn't relevant to the topic being discussed. Providing a sincere response, and self-promoting are not mutually exclusive. It's more like "Hey! I wrote a book on this exact issue. I really hope it helps"

The book is relevant to the topic being discussed, because the author talks about it to describe how she herself -- purportedly a successful published author -- has to fight off feeling inadequate, even though she's being paid by her publisher to travel cross-country to promote her book.

Take out the mention that she's on book tour, and you no longer have a frame of reference about her self-shame.

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