141–150 of 208 posts
How do the Finns cue interest in others, how do they cue rejection?
(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…
You can say "I'm tired" or "Rough day" or, you can tell something that happened recently.
"How are you doing" -> "Well, my dog passed away last night, so ..."
Or
"I've been up all night studying, so kind of scattered"
Or
"Well I just won the CS101 competition, so, stoked!"
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One should be careful basing observations on what is shown on TV. As an extreme example, it would suggest that most couples did not sleep on the same bed during the 1950s. There was also a cultural fashion in the US to use a "Mid-Atlantic accent". Quoting https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid-Atlantic_accent : > The Mid-Atlantic accent, or Transatlantic accent,[1][2][3] is a consciously acquired accent of English, intend…
That's true although professional dress is definitely more casual in the US (for the most part) than it was 20-30 years ago. When I started with a tech company in the mid-80s, suits were pretty much the norm for marketing and sales and even many in engineering. It would have been strange for the most part to, say, give a presentation at a conference without being dressed that way. These days, in tech certainly but ac…
Many companies are trying to emulate west coast tech companies. Especially Silicon Valley. I’ve seen a lot of initiatives geared toward “millennials” in a couple big companies I worked at. Including getting rid of the khaki business casual.
(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…
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In Norway cashiers have to recite much of that (and ask if you want a receipt) due to regulations. So I wonder how much of 'custom' is that really in Japan too.
My French-teacher in Norway told me this story as a way of relating how terse Norwegians tended to be relative to the French. She insisted it was about someone she knew, but I have no idea if it's true: A Norwegian husband took his French wife to live in Norway. She was at home while he went to work, and after a few months he invited another couple home to dinner. Most of the conversation happened in French or Englis…
Of course, with the additional difficulty of Danish pronunciation, I wasn't able to search for the words, and didn't try and repeat them.
(pose → purse, if you like to learn with cognates.)
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> just an educated formality rather than a sincere conversation So small talk, then.
The difference would be that it’s one sided, there is no expectation of response. It’s so funny when sometimes the clerk has been doing it that job so long that it’s not proper words anymore and you’re not even expected to parse it correctly, it just doesn’t matter.
It is strange that this article sees Finland as an odd man out in terms of customer-service interactions, and it suggests the USA or the UK is the norm. I have lived in both southern Europe (where people are claimed to be more extrovert) and in Finland, and generally interacting with a "barista" or cashier in both places is exactly the same, consisting of only the words "Hello" and "Thanks". In the USA one might get…
Some things are universal but a shopkeeper making smalltalk is not creepy in the US, even if it is in other countries. It's a cultural thing. One of the benefits of smalltalk in shops is that if you have a question you don't have to interrupt anybody. You're already having a conversation with a clerk so you might as well ask a question about the merchandise. I don't have to get anybody's attention. I'm not advocating…
Ever talk to an American waiter about this? Often they will complain about their customers and how much they hate them, but they still have to be smiley and make small talk because 1) they feel they won’t get tips without it, and 2) their bosses insist on it.
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On a related note, what happens at parties where lots of people don't know each other? (Assuming that happens at all.) As much as smalltalk is unneeded in everyday life, having a script that brings out some general background ("so what do you do?", "are you from around here?", "how do you know {host}?") does help when strangers are looking for common ground where they can talk more deeply.
In Finland we have these things called "Pönötys" and "kursaileminen". I'm half kidding, but half serious. Pönötys means awkward formal standing when you are wearing a suit or can of beer, but don't know where to put your hands or anybody to talk to. It actually happens a lot. "Kursaileminen" is kind of pretending that you don't need anything and have nothing to say. It's finnish way of being polite because you are no…
Bullshit questions that you ask in hopes of stumbling into something interesting to talk about (ie how well do you know the host) is the essence of smalltalk.
We just continue starting with the useless questions even if we already have an actual topic to work with ;)
Norwegian living in the UK. I remember my dad when he moved over here just found the whole initial greetings and small talk with his UK colleagues really funny. And even funnier to watch his mostly Swedish colleagues struggle with the same tennis ball banter at the start of every conversation. Instead of just getting to the point straight away. I was young enough to adapt quickly, but still I struggle with insincere…
don't worry, everyone hates that. i mentally flip them the bird.
Silence is great, but there's something more to small talk than just filling silence. Small talk primes the pump for some good conversation. I can't tell you how many times I've come across great conversations and tidbits of information that I'd never have if I didn't chat up with some kind of nonsense to start the conversation. Or alternatively if someone else didn't. The initial part of the conversation is useless,…
I feel this is in the same vein as asking every girl on the street if she wants to have a drink. That definitely can be one way to meet one’s life partner. But it’s so grating from the other side, even if the request is very polite and non pushy. Some people live for the human contact, others don’t want any. Honestly it’s a PITA when the social norm puts an obligation to respond, even briefly, to not seem rude. If it…