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Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

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Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#141

Post by p49k »

untog wrote: post #82
magduf wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're avoiding a friend-finding app just because of what other people think, that's really sad. Do you go about everything in your life with that mindset? What does being married matter? If your wife wouldn't approve, then that speaks volumes about the quality of your relationship (i.e., you have no trust between you).

But it isn't a friend-finding app. It's a dating app that happens to have a friend-finding feature (that until now I had no idea existed). People's perceptions follow on from that. My wife would have no problem with it. But what if one of her friends saw me on the bus with Bumble open on my phone? If she spoke to my wife she'd be able to clear up the confusion. But what if she didn't? What if there ended up being a p…

Do you think that’s how the world should work? If not, why are you so willing to acquiesce to that model? These kinds of things are such non-issues in other cultures, and if we actually stand up for our values and live our lives by them, maybe we can rid American culture of some of its ridiculousness.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#142

Post by 15155 »

jschwartzi wrote: post #59
Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I think if you want the world to be this way you should just do what you want to do anyway. Life is too short to care what some random group of strangers at a concert thinks, anyway. You're not hurting anyone and I think you're normalizing good behavior. Nobody is going to call the cops on you for complementing their jacket. I've stopped letting myself be bothered and it's actually done wonders for my social life. An…

I think this hits the nail on the head: who cares?

Who cares what these people (who are judging you for meeting someone in public) think?

They're very unlikely to be anyone meaningful if they're doing that, since being a good conversationalist is a trait that most successful people possess.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#143

Post by opnitro »

bertjk wrote: post #80
Nav_Panel wrote: post #44

Incredible how the subtext here is "loneliness requires healthcare" rather than, say, "loneliness requires coordinated social change". Almost as if the goal is "how can we frame loneliness as an illness and reap some sweet insurance money."

I kind of agree with you, but what does positive "coordinated social change" look like? I can only think of negative ones, like those that occurred with radical political changes, or else explicit/thinly-veiled marketing campaigns for consumer goods..

Radical political changes were universally negative? Many of those radical movements had extremely positive effects, such as labor laws and civil rights. These movements were radical partially because of the tremendous material support in keeping the status quo.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#144

Post by CM30 »

dunpeal wrote: post #79

> Few providers have focused on the loneliest population: 18- to 22-year-olds. While typically a low-risk population, young adults experience rates of loneliness and social isolation far higher than any other age group according to Cigna's recent survey. How is that the case? 18-to-22 seems like the easiest stage of adult life to make and keep friends. These are the youngest adults. They go out regularly, meet each o…

Wonder if that age group has become lonier in recent times, since the internet, smartphones, technology, etc. You don't need to go out to be 'entertained' like you used to, and I suspect a lot of young people simply find their entertainment online instead.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#145

Post by TangoTrotFox »

grasshopperpurp wrote: post #28

Many reasons for this, and many good ones have already been noted, but I haven't seen anyone mention time yet. Americans work a lot. If you don't make friends at work, or you don't maintain friendships from high school or college, you're working on limited time and energy - as are the people you hope to befriend (though you don't know who they are yet). If you have a family, it's even harder. I don't have kids, and w…

Here [1] is a list of nations by hours worked. The US average is just about squarely average here. The OECD average is 1763 hours per year. Americans work 26 hours longer than that per year, so half an hour per week, less than 5 minutes a day, longer.

[1] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Working_time#Average_annual_ho...

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#146

Post by untog »

p49k wrote: post #141
untog wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But it isn't a friend-finding app. It's a dating app that happens to have a friend-finding feature (that until now I had no idea existed). People's perceptions follow on from that. My wife would have no problem with it. But what if one of her friends saw me on the bus with Bumble open on my phone? If she spoke to my wife she'd be able to clear up the confusion. But what if she didn't? What if there ended up being a p…

Do you think that’s how the world should work? If not, why are you so willing to acquiesce to that model? These kinds of things are such non-issues in other cultures, and if we actually stand up for our values and live our lives by them, maybe we can rid American culture of some of its ridiculousness.

So you're interested in making some new friends? Fantastic! The first thing you need to do is remake American culture

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#147

Post by Broken_Hippo »

Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I disagree. I'm 40, and had life pre-internet. Cell phones were still expensive when I was in school. A portion of my friends were too poor to regularly have home telephone service. I'm bisexual, and paid for that bit with a middle school not talking to me most of a school year. I lost friends because I dated folks with a different skin color. I didn't really tell folks I was atheist back then, but it didn't really matter because my parents required I go to church every sunday.

I lived in the midwest. The town sizes ranged from 3000 to around 50k. I've never really had more than 2-3 friends at once, and sometimes didn't have that. My ex wound up with schizophrenia, but that's another story altogether.

I started being lonely at 10 or 11. That's only gone away in the last 6-10 years. Regular internet meant I've met folks I can simply be myself with. I moved - across an ocean - to be with one of those folks. I'm rarely lonely anymore, even with the internet. Even with the language barrier. Even with my weirdness.

For the first time in my life, here I feel like I kinda belong, and it is a mix of offline and online stuff. I'm even in a country that is "difficult" for folks to make friends with - or at least they say it is. On the other hand, it actually fits my personality better.

I don't find it hard to talk to folks online. Male or female (I tend to have more male friends than female, and don't care about the distinction. My male spouse is the opposite). sure, some folks are simply there to flirt, but I can shut them down pretty quickly.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#148

Post by vasili111 »

Nav_Panel wrote: post #47
fipple wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Part of that is social interaction being less necessary. My dad made many friends asking random people on the street for directions to a gas station or for a restaurant recommendation. Now we get that all from our phones.

Do you see internet social interaction as being a sufficient replacement for meatspace social interaction?

I think virtual life will never be able to fully replace real life. Even more, I think active virtual life can harm your real life socialization.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#149

Post by deepakhj »

overcast wrote: post #38
coryfklein wrote: post #15

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

I use dating apps regularly when traveling for exactly that. You'd be surprised how willing people are to meetup without the pressure of dating/sex being involved. Fly into a city for work, meetup for fun, and make a new friend for next time.

Couchsurfing's mobile app has functionality now where you can post asking to meet up with nearby travelers.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#150

Post by bariswheel »

Being alone is a state, feeling lonely is a symptom that could be triggered by it, but not necessarily. Important distinction here. Warren Buffett spent most of his waking hours reading by himself. He's pushing 90. If you watch his HBO documentary notice how he is very big on shutting his office door and reading for the majority of his workday. If you are not peace when you are alone, there is something else going on that needs attention, listen to it, understand what might trigger that symptom and root cause it. Being with someone else might be a stopgap to your symptom but not a cure.
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