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Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#131

Post by visakanv »

NhanH wrote: post #91
vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

You make a great point, one that I have been thinking about, and unfortunately, I'm not sure if I can entirely agree with it. There are something to be said about habit and discipline. Certainly, one should never pursue something they have no interest in whatsoever. But for any thing we want to accomplish in life, there are tangent, chores, and generally "schlep" that you can't avoid. An extreme reading of your comme…

> Our society frowns on people who set out to do really good work. You're not supposed to; luck is supposed to descend on you and you do great things by chance.

This is so true. It's odd that we celebrate butterflies and crush caterpillars. I think it was Les Brown who said something along the lines of– if you want to achieve uncommon, unreasonable results, you have to be an uncommon, unreasonable person putting in uncommon, unreasonable amounts of effort.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#132

Post by wantab »

There will always be someone greater or lesser than yourself. Don't worry about it. You hear about the successes but not how they got there. Half the time it was a lucky break; being in the right place at the right time. Other times they worked 100-hour weeks for a year, got divorced, and their kids hate them.

Then, next week, you never hear about them again. Well, maybe a couple of them you will, a year later, but not the others. They're forgotten.

Do what you want to do and quit relying on other people's stories to make you miserable. They aren't you and there are plenty of people, here on HN, who wish they were in your position.

Strive to be happy.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#133

Post by vijucat »

Sven7 wrote: post #101
vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

This is the mark of genuine flow :) wow...you should start your own "do whatever you want" university. Pretty sure all the young impressionable minds around here will enjoy it.

"Do whatever you want", yes. Whatever you want can involve not starving, being able to afford health insurance and a mortgage, marry a desirable person, have children, etc;

Now, are we still in disagreement, Sven? :-)

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#134

Post by yungchin »

vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

> You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have.

I do hope this is an extreme case of misdiagnosis: it's implying that the OP is not an achiever, and lacking ambition - just because there are a few small hurdles in the way of his getting things done!

Here's an alternative diagnosis: if you focus too much on your peers, you're poisoning your own motivation. Of course you'll spend all day on HN, if the alternative is staring at an editor with a voice in your head scolding you for not being a success. Fix that and you'll have fixed your procrastination (easier said than done, probably, but still). A reading tip: Mastery, by George Leonard.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#135

Post by jalanb »

littletimmy wrote: post #110
vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

My condition is similar to that of OP's. What if I am not interested in anything? I don't really want anything; I think that drive of wanting stuff has all but dried up in the past 5 years. I'm wasting my life away counting days. What now?

Maybe what you are really interested in is counting days?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#136

Post by [deleted] »

monk_e_boy wrote: post #58
FourthProtocol wrote: post #16

I'm 45, and have about 60 unfinished side protects in my /Dev folder. I've also just reached the feature complete milestone on my first side project that will actually ship. After working on it, or a variation of it for SEVEN YEARS. Your question made me smile. Are you having fun? I'm having lots of fun, and have had throughout my career. There was a time in my 20's where I felt exactly the way you do. Don't sweat it…

I'm 40. I had a nice open source project that went well (it's a bit dated now) ... but my regret is not having my kids younger. The work. projects, start ups and all those dreams still live on. But having kids is a lot of fun.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#137

Post by vijucat »

pestaa wrote: post #78
vijucat wrote: post #64

> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…

Very powerful thoughts. I retweeted your last sentences (if you don't mind.) https://mobile.twitter.com/pestaa/status/585740222450819072

Ha ha, no I don't mind, I'm enjoying my 15 minutes of fame.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#138

Post by ThomPete »

You don't deal with getting older, getting older is the great part. What you have to do is deal with not getting younger.

In other words, time passes and before you know it you are 50 and you don't get those years back.

So how are you going to spend your life.

Worry about that before you worry about other people.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#139

Post by wcummings »

fit2rule wrote: post #75
monk_e_boy wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm 40. I had a nice open source project that went well (it's a bit dated now) ... but my regret is not having my kids younger. The work. projects, start ups and all those dreams still live on. But having kids is a lot of fun.

Yes, definitely this! If you're in your 20's and feeling like your "whole life" is wasted/lame/you're a loser .. well, have kids. It'll change your whole outlook, hopefully before you hit 30. Kids are awesome. They teach you that, at 20-something, you're not actually that experienced. You don't actually have a lot of time on the Earth. 20-something year olds - you're still kids. There's 3 or 4 more decades ahead of y…

Having kids is taking on a huge responsibility, I don't understand why people are so quick to suggest it as a panacea for everyones' personal problems. Feeling insecure (like OP) is a really bad reason to have kids.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?

#140

Post by visakanv »

OP– I'm about your age, and I haven't completely solved this problem for myself either, but I've thought about it really hard for a really long time. Let me address your issues / statements / concerns one by one.

> I find it very hard to sit down and work on a project without an external motivator, and on many nights I end up vegging out in front of the TV or aimlessly clicking around on the internet.

This is a classic environment type problem. If you're committed to creating great work, then you have to carve out time for yourself. This means having a specific routine. Talk to people who train in sports and they'll tell you– they don't rely on any particular sort of motivation (external or internal). Rather, they have a routine where everyday at 6am they lace up their shoes and go for their run, like it or not. Read Stephen Pressfield's The War Of Art– he talks about Going Pro. You don't wait for motivation. You do the work every day. Sometimes inspiration will come, sometimes it won't.

> Every day, I read an article by some hot-shot young dev who has a handful of fancy projects behind his belt

These folks are exceptions. They're exeptionally good and they're exceptionally lucky. You'd be better off not reading any articles at all.

> It's a constant, irrepressible gnawing in my chest.

I experience this intermittently. IMHO, I experience it when I haven't been doing work. The solution is literally to sit down and do work. The gnawing is a reminder that you are working, not doing.

> even though I still end up on HN half the time

Turn off the Internet?

> I have so many great ideas, and knowing that the main obstacle between them and me is only myself keeps me in an endless state of panic

This, together with your vegging out / aimless clicking, suggests to me that you're framing the problem too broadly.

The main obstacle between you and your goals might be you, but it also might be, you know. One quant of work, followed by another, and another. Baby steps, man. Do one thing at a time.

> I've resigned to the fact that I've procrastinated away a decade of valuable time, and it just endlessly haunts me

This is the venomous, compounding problem about obsessing about sunk costs. Listen– life isn't a linear thing. Some of these folks younger than you will get into car accidents and die. Others will get distracted, end up in horrible marriages, all sorts of nasty things will happen. Life doesn't progress nearly as linearly as you think.

What you need to do is really sit down and go, "Yes. I have burnt a decade. I have some unknown amount of time in front of me. I have today." What are you going to do with today? Why do you want to spend today agonizing about yesterday?

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