Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen? • Hacker News Board

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#131

Post by MollyR » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:07 PM UTC

beeworker wrote: post #95

jackmaney wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because he needs to face consequences for his behavior. He's a massive liability to his company.

What if he's a 10x engineer? He's a massive PR liability because of our insane outrage culture, but he's a very valuable asset for, you know, his actual job.

From what I've heard, most companies will do the explicit math and decide whether to keep him or not.

It's not unheard off. Personal Anecdote: I've known a friend, who keeps the most obnoxious programmer around at his company because he wrote the core money making algorithm by himself and is the only one who understands it. The ceo actively protects other employees from this programmer, but won't fire him because they need him more than anyone else at the company.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#132

Post by genofon » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:11 PM UTC

ddoolin wrote: post #123

genofon wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What power? He's both unprofessional and socially inept, but he holds no power over her at that stage. he can still hire her EDIT: changed citation

That is some serious speculation! There is no way you could possibly know if he has that power just from what she wrote.

if he could hire her before the email, he can hire her after.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#133

Post by BadassFractal » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:14 PM UTC

xtrumanx wrote: post #54

jarin wrote: post #27

Dating within the tech industry is tough, especially when most of the people you meet are also in tech, but you also don't want to contribute to the problem of creating an environment where women feel like they're constantly being evaluated not only for their skills but also as potential partners. As a guy, it's probably best to just put the idea out of your mind altogether unless specifically approached. Meeting rom…

> ...unless specifically approached. I don't even think that's a good idea. I don't live in the U.S. or in the western world for that matter but from my reading of all issues in the tech industry from HN it seems to me the best approach is to pretend your a eunuch at work or around your colleagues no matter the location.

I concur. I don't see how there's a way for genders to coexist in the same work space without leaving sexuality completely out the door. Too many opportunities for awkwardness, misunderstanding, legal liability, public shaming, Internet outrage. It's not worth it. Work spaces must be 100% asexual, I don't see how else you'd accomplish this. Open to suggestions.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#134

Post by AnimalMuppet » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:15 PM UTC

MollyR wrote: post #20

ihsw wrote: post #5

* Say no. * Forward copies of emails to the company's leadership/HR department. * Keep printed copies of the emails handy in case he decides to retaliate with lawyers. * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial. * Move on with your life. There's not much you can do from a legal standpoint, with regards to grievance/redress. Escalating the situation through contacting his boss/HR carries a risk, even though you have…

This is the best advice I've seen. Also I'd like to add,if you can don't escalate to a lawsuit prematurely. A lot of companies avoid hiring a person who files lawsuits against corporations. Its unfair, but its how the real world works. HR exists to protect the company not its people. I know I mention this a lot on HN, but also read Corporate Confidential to understand how American Corporations and HR really works.

It seems to me that informing HR, and telling him no (and why) is enough. I most certainly would not initiate a lawsuit over something like this. It was inappropriate and unprofessional; don't respond with something over the top, which is unprofessional in a different way.

But I'm male, and have literally never been harassed at work over anything (not gender, age, race, religion, sexual orientation, facial hair, choice of editor... nothing), so what do I know?

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#135

Post by mikeash » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:16 PM UTC

beeworker wrote: post #120

mikeash wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if he scares off 10 1x engineers because he's poisonous? Or what if he scares off another 10x engineer who happens to be a woman? Keeping toxic people around is not usually going to pay off, regardless of "outrage culture" (which is an odd way of describing a culture that punishes abuse of power).

What if he's a 0.5x engineer and firing him would be good anyway? I was merely illustrating that just because someone acts in an outrageous way doesn't make them a liability, net. There's no rule saying effective companies must be filled with saints, even if that would be nice.

You implied that if he's really good at his job then he must necessarily be a very valuable asset. My point is that he could easily be a liability even if he's excellent at his job, and not because of "outrage culture."

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#136

Post by BadassFractal » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:17 PM UTC

beeworker wrote: post #114

woof wrote: post #45

I don't see the drama, but then again I'm a guy (40+). If he just waited a few weeks with that second mail, we could hardly fault him for being unprofessional could we? I don't believe she would have gotten then job with another interviewer (the "more experience" part sounds plausible). And if she was a really interesting candidate, another tech screen or phone interview would be natural. I'd tell any friend to say "…

> (If he's that creepy, he'd get her the job and hit on her then) This may not be creepy so much as the optimal strategy for avoiding internet outrage if she rejects your advances... Does everyone here seriously have no idea how much office hooking up goes on in the world, or is it only okay if the date is asked for after work hours on the elevator?

Here's a scenario: you and your coworker end up at a bar together, maybe for a team event or something. There's alcohol involved. Nobody got coerced into being there. You're not her superior. Can one of the two people hit on the other in that context?

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#137

Post by mdnormy » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:17 PM UTC

The problem with deducting from one side of a story is you can't reach a definitive conclusion. For example if you read the first 4 paragraph, that is 'the essence' of most interviews. Assuming it is, what the interviewer is doing after, are inappropriate but "thanks, but no thanks" would be adequate response in my opinion. People make dumb mistakes some time.

But if OP highly suspected that the interviewer does not intend to do proper interview from the beginning and only interested to her personally, reporting to HR is the only way to go.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#138

Post by tzs » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:19 PM UTC

So what are the rules for contacting someone you once interviewed in order to suggest social interaction?

NOTE: I said "social interaction" rather than "a date" because I'm asking about more general situations.

For instance, suppose you interview someone, and (unlike the guy in this incident) are not using the interview to try to find someone to date. You stick to questions specific to the job, plus more general questions about the things on their resume, including open source projects they say they contributed to.

You find them interesting and witty and enjoyed talking with them, but there is someone better qualified who gets the job.

Six months later, you are planning to attend a one day conference on an open source project you contribute to. It's a 3 hour drive to the conference. You don't know anyone in your area who works on that project to ask along to make the drive more interesting.

Then you remember the person you interviewed six months earlier is also a contributor to the project.

Is it acceptable to contact them and tell them you are driving to the conference and would like to find someone to come along to make the ride more social, and asking if they would like to be that person?

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#139

Post by AnimalMuppet » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:21 PM UTC

beeworker wrote: post #120

mikeash wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if he scares off 10 1x engineers because he's poisonous? Or what if he scares off another 10x engineer who happens to be a woman? Keeping toxic people around is not usually going to pay off, regardless of "outrage culture" (which is an odd way of describing a culture that punishes abuse of power).

What if he's a 0.5x engineer and firing him would be good anyway? I was merely illustrating that just because someone acts in an outrageous way doesn't make them a liability, net. There's no rule saying effective companies must be filled with saints, even if that would be nice.

I've been around long enough to see what a toxic superstar can do. It's really easy to look at the "superstar" and see it as an asset, but forget how much liability to associate with the toxic - and therefore to conclude "net win" when it isn't.

Not saying it could never happen, but it tends to leave your company a prisoner. You can't lose the superstar, but you can't attract other top-level talent because the superstar is toxic, which leaves you even more dependent on the superstar...

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#140

Post by jackmaney » Tue, Mar 10, 2015, 6:21 PM UTC

MollyR wrote: post #131

beeworker wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if he's a 10x engineer? He's a massive PR liability because of our insane outrage culture, but he's a very valuable asset for, you know, his actual job.

From what I've heard, most companies will do the explicit math and decide whether to keep him or not. It's not unheard off. Personal Anecdote: I've known a friend, who keeps the most obnoxious programmer around at his company because he wrote the core money making algorithm by himself and is the only one who understands it. The ceo actively protects other employees from this programmer, but won't fire him because the…

No attempt has been made to bring someone else in (either internally or a new hire) to understand the algorithm and the code behind it? Even if this guy is obnoxious, it's smart to have a back up plan in case he leaves.