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Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

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Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#131

Post by davidw »

tel wrote: post #118
davidw wrote: post #80

One thing that helped me a lot: investing some money in some salsa dancing lessons. First of all, I actually enjoy it, it's fun (if you don't like it you wont' get far). Second, it's sort of cool, compared to, say, talking about startups and computers with someone who is potentially not interested in either one. Also, it's something where practice does pay off, and where you can't fake it, so investing some time will…

Just about the exact same experience with swing dancing as well. It's a slightly different crowd: higher energy, more into the flourish than the candles, but still it's easy to learn, fun to do, and a wonderful way to meet women.

Is that still a going concern? I was aware of it being quite a fad during the late 90ies, when one of my favorite bands, the Cherry Poppin' Daddies (from my hometown of Eugene) got caught up in it, despite being an extremely eclectic band. I guess it stuck with some people? Good thing; it's fun music and I could see it having a similar vibe. Salsa can be pretty high energy too, I think, although if you're treating it as a series of acrobatics, it loses a little something - there's got to be some sensuality there too.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#132

Post by DTrejo »

adrianwaj wrote: post #98
ahpeeyem wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you're definitely onto something here, and I think the guy who puts himself out there and puts the onus on the woman to say 'no' instead of waiting for her to say 'yes' is more successful for a few reasons. 1. As you say, it's easier and less risky for the woman to remain passive and not make the conscious decision to say yes to the 'nice' guy who's waiting for her. 2. There is a lot of social pressure on fem…

Also, the alpha and dark males probably get the bigger rejections, and that's what the nice guys are seeking to avoid. So that's another factor for the struggling males, being able to pursue but then being able to pick yourself up after a rejection. There's another factor at work to, 'consent.' A nice guy wants the interaction to be consensual, and it should be, but in a way she doesn't because as you say there's a s…

How depressing.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#133

Post by endtime »

_pius wrote: post #120
jlees wrote: post #64

An incredibly masculine-focused article even if it made plenty of attempts to try to generalise across both the sexes. Being a smart woman gives you totally different dating prospects than being a smart guy (and not just the obvious). Seriously. It also gives you reasons to turn off the opposite sex that don't seem to be mentioned in the article - for example a lot of women play it dumb for fear of intimidating the g…

for example a lot of women play it dumb for fear of intimidating the guy they're flirting with Ironically enough, this doesn't seem like a very intelligent strategy. I definitely get it, but it doesn't seem like a very wise approach in the long-term. What kind of partner would you end up with by hiding one of your most prized qualities?

Agreed, though really this generalizes to "be yourself if you want to meet someone with whom to have a relationship."

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#134

Post by adrianwaj »

DTrejo wrote: post #132
adrianwaj wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Also, the alpha and dark males probably get the bigger rejections, and that's what the nice guys are seeking to avoid. So that's another factor for the struggling males, being able to pursue but then being able to pick yourself up after a rejection. There's another factor at work to, 'consent.' A nice guy wants the interaction to be consensual, and it should be, but in a way she doesn't because as you say there's a s…

How depressing.

If you can't find a truly nice girl or someone you really connect with, you can go for someone younger, that also can be easier.

Another tip to ride the depression out: even though you want to call the new babe straight away, don't, no matter how excited you are, wait until the excitement wears off to the point you're almost depressed again, so to speak, then call. If she rejects you (she probably won't), it won't matter, you've found your center.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#136

Post by bokonist »

HSO wrote: post #129
bokonist wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The generally chaste girls are the same way, they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy. Girls that have been taught all their life to go for the nice guy, still find themselves attracted to the bad boy. The evolutionary/genetic explanation seems to fit my observations the best. I actually think men get some blame for the "girls falling for a holes" problem. I think too many quality men listened to their mo…

"they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy" The antonym to strong is weak, not nice. I think people often forget that girls, particularly sane and intelligent ones, do not reject the prototypical "nice guy" because he is nice but because he is a pushover. That is, weak. You can be strong and nice. In fact, I think the strongest ones usually are "nice" or considerate because they can afford to, whereas at l…

I agree. I put the word nice in quotes, because I meant a specific type of "nice" guy - the nice, weak guy who wonders why the girls do not like him.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#137

Post by asdlfj2sd »

I know I am going to get down voted for this, but here it goes anyway.

This is how reddit went to hell. From interesting articles, to interesting articles which are also group therapy for a prominent minority of smart people with some serious problems.

And that's the thing, most smart people, the countless I've met, the dozens of brilliant engineers I work with every day, they have none of these problems. They are family men, never had those problems.

There are some unfortunate and very troubled souls, and they turn smart social news sites into sad group therapy.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#139

Post by unalone »

sachinag wrote: post #8

Frankly, there's an opportunity here: make a dating site just for smart people. Don't just ask about people's alma mater, ask for their GPA and major. Don't just let people say what they do, ask what their employer and title is. Ask for SAT, GRE, GMAT, LSAT, whatever other scores. Then let your users screen on the stuff that they use as a proxy for smart. We all have different definitions for smart; just try to accom…

The problem with that is that when you exclude people based on something like GPA/major, you're going to attract a very ugly sort of good-grades person.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#140

Post by joetrumpet »

HSO wrote: post #129
bokonist wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The generally chaste girls are the same way, they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy. Girls that have been taught all their life to go for the nice guy, still find themselves attracted to the bad boy. The evolutionary/genetic explanation seems to fit my observations the best. I actually think men get some blame for the "girls falling for a holes" problem. I think too many quality men listened to their mo…

"they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy" The antonym to strong is weak, not nice. I think people often forget that girls, particularly sane and intelligent ones, do not reject the prototypical "nice guy" because he is nice but because he is a pushover. That is, weak. You can be strong and nice. In fact, I think the strongest ones usually are "nice" or considerate because they can afford to, whereas at l…

He didn't mean antonym, which is why he mentioned at the end girls could then find both a nice and strong guy. In other words, it's less likely for nice guys to have the trait, but not impossible: they don't have it because they didn't attempt it since they simply listened to girls who didn't know (or weren't willing to admit) what they wanted.

In my experience, girls do want first and foremost an alpha male, and being a nice guy on top of that makes it even better. It's just not a necessity so the jerks can succeed without that quality, whereas the nice guys can't succeed without "dominance."

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