Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

derekthompson.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

131–140 of 232 posts

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#131

Post by bombcar »

munksbeer wrote: post #129
bombcar wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can tell you that as you have more children the time you can spend and need to spend drops - because there’s more of them, but they also play with each other. Three are running around yelling and I can’t even join in, as they want me to be “the base” apparently.

I can't believe I'm asking this, because it isn't even something I would remotely consider (and it is too late anyway), but, is three actually easier than two children in some ways? I have two children and I find parenting to be utterly draining. They are 4 and 6. They are *constantly* fighting. They play together a bit, but when they do, after 5-10 minutes it leads to real fight where we need to intervene. And they…

It ... can? It really depends on the children, the dynamics, and other factors (so I'm not saying "have another kid and everything is fixed").

It does increase the network, so that if one kid doesn't want to play, the other might. Sometimes all the kids are playing together, sometimes one is off doing his own thing, sometimes there's still a meltdown.

Three might be the nadir as they outnumber you but each kid only has two other kids. But when older you likely can deal with one kid at a time and the other two play.

If it makes you feel better 4 to 6 is about the worst for "normal" kids, too, as they know that the outside world is something they have influence over but can't always control the way they want to.

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#132

Post by kotaKat »

apparent wrote: post #100

> I don’t know who told MacRumors what (and their sourcing is just “MacRumors has learned”), but I know for a fact that it is not true that the teams working on the Vision platform have “been redistributed to other teams within Apple.” Good to know! I thought it was a bit weird for the team to have been disbanded so abruptly. Perhaps if this aspect of the story is not correct, other aspects will turn out to have been…

"MacRumors has learned" means "our Bloomberg shill, Mark Guesser, has made another bad prediction", every time.

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#133

Post by walletdrainer »

nradov wrote: post #60
purplerabbit wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And guess why trad household structures are (still) popular in some circles

Those household structures aren't popular , they're just common when women have no other options. I have nothing against those structures, they work great for some families. But the reality is that they often force the wife into becoming an unpaid caregiver for her in-laws (who constantly criticize how she runs the household).

Completely absurd, most good looking, well-educated Eastern European women with a plenty of options would disagree with you.

Your comment seems to imply that they’re stupid.

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#134

Post by cindyllm »

walletdrainer wrote: post #133
nradov wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Those household structures aren't popular , they're just common when women have no other options. I have nothing against those structures, they work great for some families. But the reality is that they often force the wife into becoming an unpaid caregiver for her in-laws (who constantly criticize how she runs the household).

Completely absurd, most good looking, well-educated Eastern European women with a plenty of options would disagree with you. Your comment seems to imply that they’re stupid.

[dead]

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#135

Post by JohnMakin »

It isn’t said in this article, but as an elder millennial and a guy that’s talked about this exact thing with peers, it’s that we don’t want to repeat the mistakes of our parents. Boomers, the parents of millennials, are perhaps the worst generation to have ever existed and we carry a lot of baggage over it.

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#136

Post by kelipso »

mc3301 wrote: post #120
kelipso wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's like how /r/steak is just dudes posting steak pictures, and there is some new cooking sub where it's just women posting food pictures and complaining about their significant others. Women be complaining.

I'm not sure how serious you are about the dismissive "women be complaining" comment. A big part of your perception may be that women have more to 'complain' about; society is measurably unfair for women. Another part could be that when women voice their struggles it is called "complaining," and when men voice their struggles they are "being serious." Also, men get shot down for showing vulnerability and seeking supp…

My comment was descriptive, not normative. I’m not ascribing moral valence to it, just stating what’s happening and speculating why. For example, men probably complain less because men get shot down for showing vulnerability in public settings like online forums. Women probably complain more in public because they get sympathy. Whether one is good, or one is more mentally healthy, I don’t think either is healthier or unhealthier, but I don’t particularly care.

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#137

Post by lotsofpulp »

mitthrowaway2 wrote: post #99
nradov wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Those household structures aren't popular , they're just common when women have no other options. I have nothing against those structures, they work great for some families. But the reality is that they often force the wife into becoming an unpaid caregiver for her in-laws (who constantly criticize how she runs the household).

I don't really understand this mindset that being at home and raising your kids is only something you do when forced to. For my family, if we had more options -- ie, more money -- then both of us would be stay-at-home parents. It's much more of a joy than going to work.

Your comment presupposes something different that nradov’s comment.

The aforementioned “trad households” do not have a financially independent wife, which is what nradov is referring to when they write

> force the wife into becoming an unpaid caregiver for her in-laws

Typically, the in laws or the husband would control the assets, and hence be able to exert more influence.

> For my family, if we had more options -- ie, more money -- then both of us would be stay-at-home parents.

In the absence of a trust fund, most women (and men) will choose to be able to fend for themselves.

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#138

Post by lotsofpulp »

gib444 wrote: post #111
senordevnyc wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Strongly agree. I know so many men who are the sole provider for their families and their wives are unhappy about how things like childcare and household chores aren’t split more fairly, but they seem to have zero appreciation for the crushing burden of financially supporting a family for decades. It’s hard, stressful, and wears you down. Almost all of the stay at home moms I know get more sleep, more exercise, and m…

> but they seem to have zero appreciation for the crushing burden of financially supporting a family for decades. It’s hard, stressful, and wears you down. Absolutely. They will though, when two parents working fully becomes a requirement instead of an option, as we are seeing in many HCOL areas. Or even, as many wish, to be the primary earner and the man stay at home. In fact, the burden on the sole earner as you po…

>(I'm gay fwiw and not a misogynist.

Ok.

>I do root for women's rights but not blindly.

What? How does “I’m straight fwiw and not a homophobe. I do root for queer’s rights but not blindly” come across?

>Demanding massive societal change comes with responsibilities)

Who isn’t being responsible? Is it all girls outperforming boys in school?

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#139

Post by Balgair »

Haha, I was just talking to family about early dad-hood.

I mentioned that I really felt how a space marine feels some days: https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Daily_rituals_of_a_Space_Ma...

Mostly in the short sleep period, but also in the 'free time' too. I tend to get about 30 minutes at the end of the day, after all have (finally) gone to sleep, but still.

Re: American Dads Became the Parents Their Fathers Never Were

#140

Post by grvdrm »

pkaler wrote: post #13

Yup. Woke up at 6am. Child 1 woke up at 7am. Dropped her off at daycare at 8am. All the other children were being dropped off by their dads, too. Full day of work ahead. Dinner at 6pm. Bath at 7pm. Bedtime and story at 8pm. Usually calls with Bangalore from 9pm to midnight but it's Labour Day over there. Sleep at midnight. Rinse. Repeat.

Are the 9pm and later calls w/Bangalore an every day thing?

Here's my routine.

5am: wake up/coffee

5:30ish: gym

6:30ish: back, clean kitchen, take out trash, make lunch for 2 kids

7:30: nanny arrives, and I sit down at desk, and kids are now awake

8:30: walk older kid to school

9-5:30: work or whatever else. I run my own business so some days feel very busy, some the opposite. I just try to be intentional with my time.

5:30 p: start dinner

6:30 p: dinner (or earlier depending on demands)

7:30 p: kid bed time

8:15-8:30: done w/kids. time for a bit of TV or wind-down, catch up with my wife about her day for as long as I can manage to stay awake

9:30-10: bed time (ideal day)

I stopped working at night unless it is critical for a next-morning thing. That leaves me absent from some opportunities that I might otherwise get spending more time on work, but I also have more time to focus on me/marriage/non-work-life

My point in sharing is that I make space on purpose for me. Your schedule sounds (and I am presuming) like you don't have much time for you. Is that right?

Post reply on HN