131–140 of 230 posts
I can dig it. I'm constantly and annoyingly replaying every social interaction in my head for days, and even longer when they're (in my perception) bad. Why would I want to go out, if I might subject myself to more of that? (I do go out and continue to subject myself to that, but nowhere near as frequently as my more social friends.)
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It's two different kinds of logic. The stereotypically male way makes sense to me: you take the weapons that could be used against someone and make them harmless. If you're fat, your friends call you fat, and you're like, hey, they know I'm fat, it's established that I'm fat, and they're my friends anyway! Being fat is fine! It takes all the fear out of it. In my perception, the stereotypically female way is, if you'…
I haven't looked at this topic this way, but now this really does make sense! I remember a lady asking me once how tall I am. I'm rather tall and in fact I don't like being asked that, since it is obvious that I am tall and the actual number does not matter. I responded with my height and immediately asked: what is your weight? Wrong question. In my male brain it was an equal kind of question. In the female brain tot…
Weight, obviously, is nothing like this. It absolutely comes off like you're trying to be snarky.
Social anxiety has to be correlated with deepness, aka the more shallow a person is the less social anxiety they present. Also some fixation with a person/ small group of people in particular and trying to win them over. The less socially anxious people cast a big net and that will cause people who'd like them and dislike them but the net is so big that they simply stick with those who like them.
This cognitive fallacy connecting deepness / seriousness to substance, and connecting playfulness to triviality and frivolity has unfortunately affected me (I remember arguing it in high school English class!)
Consciously adopting a "playful" attitude fixes my social anxiety, and adds charisma and humor to my character.
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Perhaps this is controversial, but I think this is a mostly male way of expressing affection. Women observing this sometimes conclude that men are horribly cruel to each other.
I don’t find it very gendered, my sister and I used to do this often, like young wolf pups, we’d jostle and play for the upper hand. I have women friends who will play like this with me. It can reveal insights that neither of us were clear on without the other bringing it to light. Of course it can be one sided too, and it turns into bullying. I think context matters and even if you’re being bullied, it’s still revea…
That's pretty insightful. I've had some friends I would tease and some I would never tease. People are different and relationships change over time. There's no one way to be with everybody all the time.
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Why did it put you off? Did you not understand the intention behind the words, or were the words unforgiveable despite their intention?
Not who you asked. With age Ive found myself much more comfortable with folks "being mean, but in a friendly way" as they intend it. When I was younger though, I never understood why folks didn't instead just "say the nice part." Like, if your friends are always glad you join them even if you're always late, making fun of you for being late with a big smile can still feel pretty bad for you. Much better to say "hey p…
It's also sort of the same reason shows like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia are funny. When you're jokingly mean to a friend, you're being a bit of a caricature, an exaggeration. That's part of the fun of it, too. And why it can get a point across while keeping it light.
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I wish I could find the original source on this, but I remember reading a tweet or blog that I thought had a really good metaphor for this kind of "male friend ribbing." The metaphor went something like this: men making fun of each other are actuall y showing that they understand their friends deeply, because they know how to stab without hitting an organ. That is - in order to make fun of someone without actually hu…
I was shown around one job by Dave The Cunt. He was alright
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That's astute. I was always uncomfortable with this kind of joking. I felt threatened. The real reason was that I didn't have a good comeback. Let's say my nose was large, and a friend jokes about it. I need to say something back. And I could not think of anything. A low stakes situation becomes higher stakes than it needs to be. So on their side they see me struggle and probably feel bad, so they don't do it again.…
> And I could not think of anything. I've identified two approaches to this situation. One is to take the insult graciously, as though it's feedback: "Careful: you could put someone's eye out with that!" "Oh! Thanks for the reminder." (adjust the position of your head, as appropriate for your extremely large and dangerous nose) --- The other is to take whatever they said, and exaggerate it. This produces really good…
This gave me quite a chuckle. Reads like a comeback from GPT-2 =P
A proper comeback in this scenario perverts the characteristic into a positive trait, with some added denigration.
"That's what lets me keep a wide berth from your mom, I can smell her a mile away".
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It's two different kinds of logic. The stereotypically male way makes sense to me: you take the weapons that could be used against someone and make them harmless. If you're fat, your friends call you fat, and you're like, hey, they know I'm fat, it's established that I'm fat, and they're my friends anyway! Being fat is fine! It takes all the fear out of it. In my perception, the stereotypically female way is, if you'…
I haven't looked at this topic this way, but now this really does make sense! I remember a lady asking me once how tall I am. I'm rather tall and in fact I don't like being asked that, since it is obvious that I am tall and the actual number does not matter. I responded with my height and immediately asked: what is your weight? Wrong question. In my male brain it was an equal kind of question. In the female brain tot…
but yeah, that's a conversation i would have with my doctor, not an acquaintance.