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The year I didn't survive

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Re: The year I didn't survive

#131

Post by jwx48 »

wwilim wrote: post #98
CobaltFire wrote: post #13

My son had cancer during COVID, though he was fortunate enough to beat it into remission (with the help of a huge care team). I was active duty military, and he is also non-verbal and autistic. The things she talks about, how focused she was and how hard it is to do any of that now, I've been experiencing exactly the same things. I find it hard to do anything, put anything together, etc. after 3 years of managing his…

I like to explain this state to people by saying that my circuit breakers popped.

Good one. I’m going to add that to my list of metaphors and analogies. Some people just don’t understand the experience, and this seems helpful.

Re: The year I didn't survive

#134

Post by askonomm »

fallous wrote: post #45
danparsonson wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was reflecting just yesterday how, as we get older, gradually more and more of those who have been part of our sphere for significant portions of our lives (whether direct acquaintances, or just people who we know because of their public actions) begin to leave us, and how everyone who passes, whoever they are and however well we knew them, leaves a space that can't be filled. I'm truly sorry for all that you've be…

Yes, one of the things that often gets overlooked about aging is that if you live long enough everyone you knew, and knew you, from certain eras of your life are gone... and that tends to make your life more ephemeral. Even the settings of your life are slowly removed, be it the house you grew up in, schools you attended, parks and other areas you played in with friends, businesses, styles, products, and technologies…

Oh no. Am 32 and I really like the comfort of familiar. I've lived a hell of a life in my 20s, spanning multiple countries and continents, and now feel like I've lived many lifetimes worth of life, and am really loving the peace and quiet I now have.

Re: The year I didn't survive

#135

Post by bamboozled »

zmgsabst wrote: post #116
bamboozled wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

May I ask what your actual gripe is with level of spending that was going into research before? Is there actual evidence that shows there was an issue that needed to be immediately addressed the way it was? Some evidence of "fraud" perhaps ?

Discussions with university researchers I know personally indicated an inappropriate amount was going to the university at large, rather than project funding.

Why not just address that singular issue (if true and truly problematic) just be addressed then get back to business as usual ?

How do you know the money going to the university isn't just forwarded onto the professors so they are funded? Doesn't sound that suspicious to me.

Re: The year I didn't survive

#136

Post by smackeyacky »

homefree wrote: post #11

The other posts on her substack are also worth reading (and the earlier ones from his perspective) - I read through a bunch of them last August when one was posted. A tragic story well told, something that waits for all of us.

The only measure for love is loss

Re: The year I didn't survive

#137

Post by DFHippie »

lux wrote: post #58

Sisyphean is the word I’ve come back to a lot myself since my wife took her life on November 6, 2024. Feeling like I’m now trying to live for both of us, grasping at ways of honouring her memory despite the incredible love we had being unable to “save” her, and somehow not at all myself anymore, but having to keep moving forward feels hopeless beyond belief. I lost my dad suddenly just two months prior, and my grandm…

I sympathize. I won't offer platitudes. I find those don't lessen grief.

My son took his own life on February 1st, 2023. I feel like someone took a huge melon baller and scooped out the middle of my chest. My wife and I had been trying to get him back on his feet for two years at that point. He died quietly about 10 feet from me. The family cat kept trying to get me to open his bedroom door. I kept trying to respect his privacy. I finally took her hint.

He was the best person I knew. I imagined vicariously living a much better life through him. I still feel like a fragment of my former self. He was a sometime contributor here, by the way, under jwmhjwmh.

Anyway, I give my love to everyone here sharing stories of their losses. I find sharing memories of these loved ones is more comforting than platitudes, and certainly more healing than pretending nothing happened.

Re: The year I didn't survive

#138

Post by woliveirajr »

tombert wrote: post #10

It's weird how a series of big things happening in a short period of time changes who you are as a person, and not always for the better. When I failed to stop an acquaintance from killing himself a few years ago [1], it really fucked me up. I barely knew the guy, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling guilty over it, and I still have nightmares about it. It led to a severe funk of depression that I still haven't go…

> not always for the better

Things happen and you adapt to survive it. And survival mode isn't made to make you happy, to become more generous or to expect more loyalty. And once your worldview changes for a pessimistic one, it'll taint everything around you (especially the new interactions with people)

Yes, some people change to be better: and that means (and I say it painfully) that many of them were the ones that caused unnecessary pain in others.

Some reference: https://www.hss.edu/conditions_emotional-impact-pain-experie...

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/341577702_Lacan_on_...

https://europepmc.org/article/med/33126037

Re: The year I didn't survive

#139

Post by DFHippie »

Survived wrote: post #42
tombert wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'm truly sorry for all that you've been through and I hope you find comfort. Reading through your other post it seems likely to me that nothing you said or did could have made any difference. Yeah I know, that's not really why I feel guilty, at least not exactly. I feel guilty because I noticed signs of someone who was suicidal, and explicitly chose to not do anything. Even if nothing would have changed, I still t…

Many years ago, when I was a very young man, out late one night walking home from the bar, I happened upon a man standing outside the railing of the bridge I was crossing. Without really thinking about it, I stopped, asked him if he needed help, tried to get him talking. He did talk to me for a while, but when I looked away to try and get a passing car to call for some help, he jumped. I told my coworkers about it th…

I think actually you likely improved the last moment of that man's life. You were a last witness to his existence. He didn't die utterly alone.

Re: The year I didn't survive

#140

Post by Galaxeblaffer »

throwaway356356 wrote: post #111
CobaltFire wrote: post #13

My son had cancer during COVID, though he was fortunate enough to beat it into remission (with the help of a huge care team). I was active duty military, and he is also non-verbal and autistic. The things she talks about, how focused she was and how hard it is to do any of that now, I've been experiencing exactly the same things. I find it hard to do anything, put anything together, etc. after 3 years of managing his…

Throwaway: when my daughter was 4, she took a bath. My wife was in the living room doing laundry, literally 5 steps away. At that point, my daughter had just finished swimming class 3 months before. I was at work. When she called "mum!", my wife said: "Coming" and folded one final shirt. When she then entered the bathroom, my daughter floated in the tub, face down. No breathing, no sign of life anymore. My wife reviv…

I really hope you guys are getting propper help, this state of being must be horrible, especially since nothing happened in the end. Nothing happened because your wife after all made sure to not be too far away and was alert enough to hear her call. We're all 2 minutes away from death should we somehow stop breathing, best we can do is to minimize risk.

Me and my wife had a horrible experience ourselves where our 2 year old daughters best friend(also 2 years old) drowned in their family swimming pool after figuring out how to open the door herself. I know this wasn't nearly as close to heart as the other stories in this post, but receiving that text on a Saturday evening was super tough and me and my partner was crushed for months after it happened. It's now been 10 months and we rarely think about it anymore although we did end up in a house WITHOUT a swimming pool, so in a way it's still with us.

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