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My Time Working at Stripe

jondlm.github.io

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Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#131

Post by dymk »

wkjagt wrote: post #84
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

Post: "If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable" This comment: "I'd rather not have my manager forcing me to do group therapy." How did "if you’re comfortable" become "forcing me", and "try and be 10% more vulnerable" become "group therapy"?

A manager asking a teammate to do something in front of a bunch of other people - even "only if you're comfortable" - always puts them in a position where they feel they have to do the thing. Come on, this is basic social behavior.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#132

Post by random42 »

Tainnor wrote: post #44
soneca wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, the manager asked only for “10% more vulnerable”. That seems pretty far from “being forced into group therapy” in my perception. It was the author and colleagues that decided to overstate, and seemingly did not regret. Groups of humans sometimes have connections like these, whatever the environment they are in. I am sure other similar meeting with the same prompt only generated people saying they have two cats,…

> Well, the manager asked only for “10% more vulnerable”. And they have absolutely no right to do that. "Being vulnerable" is not part of any job description.

Making high performance teams is part of their job description though, and there is research to indicate that teams with strong social bonds perform better.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#133

Post by tharkun__ »

ruthmarx wrote: post #106
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

10% more vulnerable than normal is open to interpretation. You don't need to lie or put anyone on a list, it's just an attempt to foster persona relations between a team, the idea being with a little empathy and knowledge of each other people might be more likely to resolve future differences amicably.

So now you have a bunch of people that freely overshared and that would freely overshare anyhow, you have people that invented something like "my cat just died" and everyone is now doling out condolences and asking how they feel for weeks even though they never even had a cat and they secretly hate the boss and the one guy that openly said they don't do stuff like that at work and they're now shunned by everyone.

Worked out great, didn't it?

Now the above is probably a bit over top but it shows the typical American company culture effect. Going through this at work right now since we got bought by Americans and more and more fakeness is coming in.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#134

Post by AbstractH24 »

Aeolun wrote: post #80
DeathArrow wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>What you are experiencing is the symptom of working in a large company where no matter how well you perform, you can not significantly move the needle yourself. You can't move the needle unless you are part of management and learn how to do politics. Large companies mean lots of politics being done. And you want to position yourself on the part of the winning team. Also, people skills always trumps technical skills.…

While this is true, I find myself depressed by the idea of exchanging coding for herding everyone in the right direction. I’ve been trying to make that switch as it’s the only career prospect I have, but…

I can relate

Would love to hear how others have solved this

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#135

Post by spencerflem »

tharkun__ wrote: post #133
ruthmarx wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

10% more vulnerable than normal is open to interpretation. You don't need to lie or put anyone on a list, it's just an attempt to foster persona relations between a team, the idea being with a little empathy and knowledge of each other people might be more likely to resolve future differences amicably.

So now you have a bunch of people that freely overshared and that would freely overshare anyhow, you have people that invented something like "my cat just died" and everyone is now doling out condolences and asking how they feel for weeks even though they never even had a cat and they secretly hate the boss and the one guy that openly said they don't do stuff like that at work and they're now shunned by everyone. Wor…

Imo you're being a bit dramatic. I find it nice to work with real people, I'm work from home right now and its odd to me just how little I know about the people I ostensibly share 8 hours a day with.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#136

Post by XorNot »

dzikimarian wrote: post #117
kroolik wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its not difficult to imagine a person saying 'i have nothing i want to share here' be stigmatised in future. As a person who doesnt want to work together and be part of the company culture.

Or just share regular story you would normally share, when introducing yourself in work setting? I'm 100% sure nobody would care.

I'm not sure anyone wants to share the work-safe marginally funny story they use around new people as the chaser to someone discussing how they got clean off drugs or recently dealt with a miscarriage or something.

Like will anyone care? Probably not but it's an incredibly awkward situation to toss people into when they're at work.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#137

Post by AbstractH24 »

keiferski wrote: post #13
olivermuty wrote: post #9

What you are experiencing is the symptom of working in a large company where no matter how well you perform, you can not significantly move the needle yourself. Coupled with the fact that, as you yourself pointed out, there is a literal endless amount of work to do, forever. This is also due to the nature of the company being so big. All companies always has work to do, and no one is ever «done», but in a giga-enterp…

Yeah this is why I sometimes miss the jobs I had in my early 20s, working at bakeries/ice cream shops/etc. Obviously the pay wasn’t great and the working conditions subpar, but there is a genuine psychological benefit to making a simple thing, giving it to people, then finishing work at the end of the day and being done , without an ongoing to-do list, sprints, daily meetings, and all the other requirements of contem…

I’ve had a chance recently to moonlight doing the work I did the first half of my 20s almost a decade after I left it for tech. Despite its dead end nature, I’m seriously thinking about returning to it.

The work amounts to super overpaid (thanks unions) retail using antiquated software that it modernized could eliminate at least half the jobs, but since there are union staffing minimums and salaries the employer has no incentive.

There’s something nice about helping customers for a couple hours, doing some other mindless work which could be done in half the time if automated, and then going home.

And the group of folks in the industry are mostly great to be around. Particularly after nearly 5 years of working from home in roles that are increasingly more isolated and less collaborative.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#138

Post by varispeed »

wtfparanoid wrote: post #71
varispeed wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would I would have reported manager to HR for this and if they didn't take action I would take company to tribunal. This is pure simple coercion into sharing personal data that then other workers could use against you. I can't see the world where sharing personal stuff at work is ever appropriate, let alone be subjected to peer pressure to share it.

what kind of dystopian workplace do you go to where people are looking to use things against you? The jobs I stick with are the ones where colleagues have got each others back. All this zero-sum game playing toxicity is what ruins work for the collaborative pro-social people. Find a work place that doesn't reward that kind of behaviour.

> what kind of dystopian workplace do you go to where people are looking to use things against you?

Any corporate environment. You'll get stabbed in the back sooner or later.

> where colleagues have got each others back.

That doesn't sound healthy if people have to get each others back - usually means there are some bad actors that you'll need to cover up for. Do the job, be polite and leave ego at home. There is no need for politics, gossip and other meaningless activities.

> work for the collaborative pro-social people.

That sounds dystopian to me. I prefer to have social life outside of work, with actual friends that I choose, not HR.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#139

Post by christophilus »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

Not gonna lie. When these sorts of situations have arisen in the past, I find it really tempting to troll. These prompts are such BS that they just invite a BS response.

“Whoo. OK. I’ve never talked about this, but here goes. When I was 12 I used a Hello Kitty doll to kill a man. Wow. Feels great to finally get that off my chest.”

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#140

Post by Tainnor »

XorNot wrote: post #136
dzikimarian wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or just share regular story you would normally share, when introducing yourself in work setting? I'm 100% sure nobody would care.

I'm not sure anyone wants to share the work-safe marginally funny story they use around new people as the chaser to someone discussing how they got clean off drugs or recently dealt with a miscarriage or something. Like will anyone care? Probably not but it's an incredibly awkward situation to toss people into when they're at work .

> how they got clean off drugs

which would probably even work okay because everyone loves and applauds a success story or something that isn't your fault, but imagine someone sharing their ongoing drug addiction. People who think that workplaces are "safe" spaces for personal issues should try envisioning what the reaction to that would be.

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