Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

sciencedirect.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

131–140 of 151 posts

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#131

Post by em-bee »

boringuser2 wrote: post #17
copperx wrote: post #13

Before bullying was eliminated from schools, bullying was pervasive, and I know several friends who were bullied throughout their schooling. The emotional scars and struggles with self-esteem they faced lasted long after the bullying itself stopped.

You can't force a social group to be accepting of people. 'Bullied' or not, these people will be scarred by being rejected from the social group in any context that they have interactions with their peers. There will always be people who are rejected by their social group for various reasons. It's extremely jarring because in ancient times it generally foretold literal death. I remember it feeling like that sometimes…

You can't force a social group to be accepting of people

i disagree with that. you can teach people to be accepting of others. doing just that in my opinion is exactly one of the jobs of school.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#132

Post by copperx »

em-bee wrote: post #131
boringuser2 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can't force a social group to be accepting of people. 'Bullied' or not, these people will be scarred by being rejected from the social group in any context that they have interactions with their peers. There will always be people who are rejected by their social group for various reasons. It's extremely jarring because in ancient times it generally foretold literal death. I remember it feeling like that sometimes…

You can't force a social group to be accepting of people i disagree with that. you can teach people to be accepting of others. doing just that in my opinion is exactly one of the jobs of school.

You definitely cannot teach people to be accepting of others. However, a school should force them to be civil and even pleasant toward all people during school hours.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#133

Post by MaxfordAndSons »

trealira wrote: post #116
MaxfordAndSons wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> bullying was eliminated from schools It was? Not that I've been in primary school in a few decades, but I find this claim exceedingly hard to believe.

Maybe they just have kids who go to a nicer school than they did. I think this may have happened with me and my mother. She went to high school in a poor area of the US south during the 1970s, so her school probably wasn't good. She's told me stories of how she was bullied physically (mainly by boys, but girls bullied her physically too), and how she's glad it's not like that "nowadays"/"anymore." Even kids who weren…

Yea I recognize it's probably been greatly reduced generation over generation, it was already being addressed systematically when I was a kid ~20 years ago... but saying "eliminated" seems like it must be an exaggeration. Though ironically, the bullying that does occur probably has been largely relocated from the physical realm to the digital, so in that sense it may have been all but eliminated.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#134

Post by 15457345234 »

jahsome wrote: post #121
15457345234 wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a drastic response and I'd like to say - as a person that is in good mental health - that I've observed exactly the same type of unpleasant psychological manipulation by way of the big social platforms. I made the mistake of discussing potential relationship issues using FB messenger, over the course of a couple of weeks my feed became almost entirely toxic memetic content; infidelity memes, cuckoldry memes, '…

Is there such a thing as a "drastic response" to suicidal ideation?

I think plenty of people have suicidal ideation, especially in moments of despair. I don't really believe it needs a drastic response and checking yourself in - especially if you believe you're being persecuted - is likely to get you nothing helpful and is way over the top. Because it isn't like you're going to receive expert and specialised treatment at a public health facility (which is where you'll go if you're on a hold) - they'll peg you as having some sort of paranoia issue, shoot you full of thorazine and stick you on a bed for 72h because that works 95% of the time and frankly that's all they have the resources for.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#135

Post by coldtea »

Areading314 wrote: post #30
d--b wrote: post #26

Is there a study that compares the difference in bullying between countries? I have a feeling that bullying was/is particularly common and more violent in the UK compared to the rest of the world. I am from France, and I always found the portraiture of bullying in English culture quite foreign to me. Repeated beatings, total humiliation, stalking, all these horrific behaviors did seem fairly established in the UK, wh…

Nope very common all over the world

Says who? I happens all over the world, but it's hardly very common everywhere, to the degree we hear about it in US and UK. I was very minor and uncommon in my experience.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#136

Post by coldtea »

Quinzel wrote: post #61
tjpnz wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Took a trip back to my hometown recently and recognized several of them doing retail and manual labor jobs. I won't lie, it was satisfying.

The feeling can only be described as: schadenfreude

It would have been schadenfreude if they were friends or neutral to them. It's rather enjoyment of the karma they got.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#137

Post by ViktorRay »

thrwwXZTYE wrote: post #76

I was bullied at primary school (when I was 7-15). Mostly because I was very sickly, also because I was a nerd. I managed to "overcome" my social anxiety at high school and both high school and university were pretty good experiences with good friends, no bullying, I even started dating by the end of university (which was horrifying to me earlier). I thought back then that bullying won't have any bad effects, I was p…

Man I’m sorry to hear about all this.

How are you doing now? Are things better?

Remember it’s never too late to change in life. Sounds like a cliche to say but it’s good advice that’s true and important to repeat because it’s easy to forget. I forget it all the time and wish I would take that advice myself. Never too late to change.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#138

Post by ViktorRay »

trealira wrote: post #116
MaxfordAndSons wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> bullying was eliminated from schools It was? Not that I've been in primary school in a few decades, but I find this claim exceedingly hard to believe.

Maybe they just have kids who go to a nicer school than they did. I think this may have happened with me and my mother. She went to high school in a poor area of the US south during the 1970s, so her school probably wasn't good. She's told me stories of how she was bullied physically (mainly by boys, but girls bullied her physically too), and how she's glad it's not like that "nowadays"/"anymore." Even kids who weren…

Maybe the bullying was happening at your school and you were just lucky not to see it.

I went to an excellent high school and it was filled with many friendly intelligent hard working people. I was still bullied. I’m sure many of the other friendly nice kids in my grade probably assumed no bullying was going on because they personally didn’t see it but I can assure you that even in the best schools it can and does happen.

I was in high school 15 years ago.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#139

Post by em-bee »

copperx wrote: post #132
em-bee wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can't force a social group to be accepting of people i disagree with that. you can teach people to be accepting of others. doing just that in my opinion is exactly one of the jobs of school.

You definitely cannot teach people to be accepting of others. However, a school should force them to be civil and even pleasant toward all people during school hours.

really? on what basis do you make that claim? being accepting of others is the basis of our society. (we can't have a society if we don't learn how to accept others in that society)

claiming that this can't be learned is defeatist, and decidedly not helpful.

on the other hand, i don't believe you can force behavior on people against their will. they need to learn the behavior so that they actually want to behave like that.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#140

Post by ddingus »

zilti wrote: post #111
ddingus wrote: post #54

What those adult consequences are does depend on what one being bullied does about it and how. I was bullied to the point of near complete ostracision in high school. After a few months, I had a talk with some adults I knew outside my usual circle. These were mentors, some tech people teaching me assembly language and radio. Others were farmers, military, one business owner. The advice and knowledge I was given varie…

I just wanted to let you know I've read your entire comment, and thank you for writing it.

Nice. And appreciated.

Maybe I will channel my inner Rossmann: I hope you learned something

That was the intent. Others getting something they will benefit from.

Post reply on HN