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How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

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Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#131

Post by jm__87 »

genderwhy wrote: post #16
Pepe1vo wrote: post #5

Truly, what compels a person to do such a thing? I too have struggled heavily with depression in the past, but I've never once felt the urge to repeatedly vandalize anyone's property. Like, I just don't understand what's to gain.

I'm not an expert, but my understanding is that the normal levels of inhibitions and reading social cues aren't present in many stalking cases. There is a belief that if they are just persistent enough, their target will see their attempts as affection and fall head over heals for them. Fundamentally, I believe we need to do more for people like this. Safety nets and mental health and, if needed, in patient care. Wou…

> There is a belief that if they are just persistent enough, their target will see their attempts as affection and fall head over heals for them.

Depends on the kind of stalker. I think you get these delusional obsessive people, but you also get abusive exes who stalk their ex to keep them from moving on or try to scare and intimidate and sometimes assault or kill their new partners.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#132

Post by darig »

majormajor wrote: post #92
giraffe_lady wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> unless you’re a nutter. Or undocumented, or a member of another group for whom interactions with the police are potentially dangerous. Or for that matter, what if you are "a nutter?" People with mental illness also get stalked, and also deserve protection. Going in person to the police station is unwise for so so many reasons for so many people. If this approach works for you then cool, for you. It's not going to w…

These all seem like situations where you'd just risk making things go EVEN WORSE by getting directly involved in a confrontation that might result in a police response to a violent situation...

[dead]

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#133

Post by gruez »

naturalauction wrote: post #84
yreg wrote: post #72

> Side note for Bumble — this is what we would call an “entity resolution” problem, leading to safety problems for your platform. When someone installs your app, you need to detect whether they have already installed it previously. If they have, then their activity (including blocks and people who have already declined them) should be linked to this new account. What is Bumble supposed to do if the user asks them to…

One approach on iOS is to store unique identifier in the “Keychain” (or iCloud itself) which is data kept in the cloud tied to a user’s Apple ID account. Of course this is only an impediment to a determined stalker (who could create a new Apple ID). But a determined stalker could also use a fake name and get a new phone number. See https://stackoverflow.com/questions/25276393/how-to-ban-an-i... for more details.

>One approach on iOS is to store unique identifier in the “Keychain” (or iCloud itself) which is data kept in the cloud tied to a user’s Apple ID account

Wouldn't it be obviously visible because you can see the app/file on icloud?

Also, I'm pretty sure the keychain idea is banned by app store guidelines.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#134

Post by joshspankit »

majormajor wrote: post #92
giraffe_lady wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> unless you’re a nutter. Or undocumented, or a member of another group for whom interactions with the police are potentially dangerous. Or for that matter, what if you are "a nutter?" People with mental illness also get stalked, and also deserve protection. Going in person to the police station is unwise for so so many reasons for so many people. If this approach works for you then cool, for you. It's not going to w…

These all seem like situations where you'd just risk making things go EVEN WORSE by getting directly involved in a confrontation that might result in a police response to a violent situation...

The alternative is also potentially worse: being in a violent situation that the stalker controls.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#135

Post by plusminusplus »

annie_muss wrote: post #123
Pepe1vo wrote: post #5

Truly, what compels a person to do such a thing? I too have struggled heavily with depression in the past, but I've never once felt the urge to repeatedly vandalize anyone's property. Like, I just don't understand what's to gain.

Unfortunately, I can offer some insight. In the past I have been obsessive. Had I not got help I could have ended up like the stalker in the story. It starts out innocent enough. Dating involves lots of subtle signals and cues. I remember calling someone many many times in one day, thinking "There's a possibility I'm being strange, but there's also a chance that she's just not home. If I don't call and call again I c…

Wow, thank you for your honesty (especially on a site where you can't delete comments).

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#136

Post by cuttysnark »

throwawy2323 wrote: post #129
cuttysnark wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is why I'm so confused by people wishing to document their lives, their children, their home—to strangers on the internet. On the best day, maybe that translates to positive comments and upvotes. Is the juice worth the squeeze? No. A thousand times, NO.

Sadly, if someone wants to find information there is enough online without needing to help them with social media. My parents have never had a social media account and I deleted mine years before I had an issue with someone who found out not only where I lived but my parents as well. (and having 20+ years in the software industry, I'm aware of how things work). Doing a simple search isn't that difficult to get the ad…

> Sadly, if someone wants to find information there is enough online without needing to help them with social media.

I agree, but there is a fundamental difference between dealing with/managing publicly available information and contributing to it by vlogging/blogging/posting otherwise non-public details about your life and family. Sure, anyone could use the internet to find me/info about me with the right details and resolve—but I refuse to help or add to the pile by documenting my life for their perusal. Maybe I'm just turning into a curmudgeon, but I have ZERO desire to participate in this trend.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#137

Post by midoridensha »

sammalloy wrote: post #117
entwife wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi, Where I live the police won't get seriously involved unless someone is injured or dead. I prefer not to wait that long.

I’m not sure if this is a regional thing; police are like this just about everywhere. In my region, most of the people in my community have all stopped calling the emergency services line to report crimes in progress because the dispatch yells and screams and berates the callers. There’s a Facebook group for my local town with dozens of people who say they don’t call anymore because of this. At some point, the police…

Where is this awful place? It sounds like it's in the US; can you say which state at least?

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#138

Post by krainboltgreene »

JumpCrisscross wrote: post #58
bigpeach wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I thought this too. But you can feel incredibly powerless if all you do is “let the police handle it.” Even in this instance, nothing would have come of it had they not traced the guy. Prosecution of crime happens after a crime is committed. Cops can’t do much if you’re worried someone will harm you or a loved one. Even if stalking is illegal, cops won’t / can’t feasibly spend the resources investigating and punishin…

> nothing would have come of it had they not traced the guy Notify the cops. Track the guy down. Go to the station and request someone come out with you. This takes cops off the desk, which they’re rarely against unless you’re a nutter.

Man I wish I lived in your world. That said we have studies that show police rarely actually do crime-related work.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#139

Post by simonebrunozzi »

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

You might be right, but most of the time authorities don't do shit.

I remember a situation where a friend (SF Bay Area) managed to identify the location of his stolen bike, police didn't care and didn't do anything.

I agree that caution is necessary, but I wouldn't be expecting much from the police.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#140

Post by joering2 »

jsz0 wrote: post #85

Seems like all this trouble and risk could have been avoided by simply leaving a note on the car with a warning about cameras/police. That's going to discourage most people who think they are 'getting away with it' to stop.

Or maybe just politely answering one of his posts. I read it somewhere that during 80s police advised women in SF to act like they enjoy being raped. That it was best way to get the offender turned off and stop.

Most likely saying "thank you for your comment" to this guy and eventually telling him "I am not interested sorry", would lost his interest. The story also stinks frankly. It starts off with my sister got some writing on her dirty car so she wasn't thinking anything and just wash them off. Next thing we see are the photos of that writing.. OR she wrote it herself for the story-telling?? highly doubtful. Then the guy is a dude and has crash on girl even tho the writing supposed to offend her because she's lesbian..? that's even harder to believe.

There has been so many fake stories coming out online these days just to catch few clicks that you cannot trust anything anymore.

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