131–140 of 143 posts
Have a fantastic loving partner, an incredible house we worked so much on, an amazing job with fantastic people I enjoy being around every day. I've decided to part ways with my partner now and move out, be on my own again at 30. I could've started a family now, but chose not to. I don't know if that opportunity will ever come again. I've tried hard, but I just couldn't shake off the feeling of living a life accordin…
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You should never consume a powerful mind-altering psychedelic without exactly knowing the dose you are taking. You should never take a large dose without first studying the effects that lower doses have on your mind and body. The only way this happens is through carelessness and ignorance. Don't blame the guy above you for fucking up when you're fucking up equally bad by not measuring yourself and following establish…
> Don't blame the guy above you for fucking up when you're fucking up equally bad I'm not blaming anyone, not the person above me nor myself. I'm just explaining how it can happen. I don't do much drugs anymore, and back when I did, there wasn't really any way of getting testing kits nor finding "established protocols" unless you knew actual people in the real world. The internet wasn't even a thing first time I trip…
We can definitely be safer than ever today and that might allow more room for experimentation. The fact is that if one had less information back then, they should evaluate whether taking drugs is worth the risk.
I kind of ruined up my career some by taking an extended break to pursue other interests like depression and sleeping 12+ hours per day. What I didn't really factor into my choice was employers are scared of people who have the financial independence to take breaks like this because they cannot be relied on to be loyal wage slaves. I haven't found a great way to overcome this yet because I totally get their concerns.…
I hit rock bottom and have slowly dug out. It was more on the relationship side of things.
One thing I noticed these days is I tend to get very sleepy. I am not sure whether it is age related as I am approaching 40. The sleep is such that I fall asleep while typing or if I am reading I fall asleep and the book falls down. I can sleep for long hours and I feel very nice after waking up like it is a new day or something.
I eat decently and I cook what I eat. I also don't have any habits. Is it just age related or something deeper?
Is it a good thing to ruin your life more than once? I'm still paying the price of not having a structured family (not my fault), not studying when I should, and spending pretty much all my life until I was close to 30 yo doing mostly nothing of substance. It took me serious determination and hard work to close the gap. I did get my diplomas and stuff (and even chose the wrong degree for me), and still takes a toll o…
I did also "nothing of substance" until I was almost 30 also.. But it's fine I dont regret it. I did what I wanted at the time and I enjoyed that part of my life. When I was approaching 30 I suddenly got these urges to get my life together and get a career, and I did, it was grand. I guess I am lucky and privileged, I did a free government course in programming and I loved it and that launched my career then.
Much the same here. I enjoyed the company of friends, read a load of stuff, had many adventures with a motorbike, beer and curry, lived in shared houses and worked in a crappy mundane easy-osy job as a field engineer.
During this time I still maintained a fleeting interest in software development (I still read Byte, EXE, Dr Dobbs etc and fiddled with code). Then one day I tired of the easy going but not well paid lifestyle and wangled my way into a VC backed ISV to establish myself as a developer (though for a while - I took an 18 month break to work as a data centre engineer, which involved the build out a moderately sized site and an internet exchange point).
And here I am on the wrong side of my mid 50's with very few regrets. Not no regrets because there are two or three (one is a relationship I really made a mess of, and succumbing to a very long period of anxiety disorder after my marriage exploded), but now I'm largely just fine.
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A long time ago, I read an account online of someone who was looking for a new recreational drug experience and they got some risperidone, which is a popular antipsychotic. ( https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=20529 ) They took a much larger dose than the normally prescribed amount, and it resulted in a vividly recounted seemingly interminable and utterly hellish experience. I found it interesting and kind…
I’m bipolar II and thus “need” medicine. All medicines are a trade off: do the benefits outweighs the side effects. As someone who’s allergic to basically all chemicals they use for these (ADHD, anti depression and anti-psychotic) I would say that I sympathize with individuals who just don’t want to take them because they make you feel like “not you.” I’ve also went years without them, instead using meditation and th…
In my small experience, it seems like people with bp2 are more aware of their condition than those with bp1 tend to be. What you describe sounds pretty scary when i think about it for someone i know with bp1. But it's totally something they might say when manic to avoid treatment.
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I’m bipolar II and thus “need” medicine. All medicines are a trade off: do the benefits outweighs the side effects. As someone who’s allergic to basically all chemicals they use for these (ADHD, anti depression and anti-psychotic) I would say that I sympathize with individuals who just don’t want to take them because they make you feel like “not you.” I’ve also went years without them, instead using meditation and th…
For what is worth, one of the smartest, most amazing people I met was bipolar. From the outside he really had his shit together. > I am convinced that “religion” is the cure for most of these illnesses. Can you expand?
Obviously there are extremes, but most people don’t suffer from these extremes. Now days we give pills to people immediately when I really think they should be a last resort. Instead it seems most people only resort to mindful coping skills once they get burned out on side effects.
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I’m bipolar II and thus “need” medicine. All medicines are a trade off: do the benefits outweighs the side effects. As someone who’s allergic to basically all chemicals they use for these (ADHD, anti depression and anti-psychotic) I would say that I sympathize with individuals who just don’t want to take them because they make you feel like “not you.” I’ve also went years without them, instead using meditation and th…
You point out low mood. Does it help for hypomania? In my small experience, it seems like people with bp2 are more aware of their condition than those with bp1 tend to be. What you describe sounds pretty scary when i think about it for someone i know with bp1. But it's totally something they might say when manic to avoid treatment.
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Come back and reply again when you're 75yrs old.
I'm not that far away from 75 in reality, how close are you?
People don't want to see it or hear about it.
They say, "He lived a good life. It is just part of getting old."
But you have not lived the ruined part yourself yet. It is lonely and hopeless.
Everyone is living their lives and they do not want to hear how you really feel. They want you to be positive. They want to say, "He was a fighter."
A woman sits in my hallway crying because her father has not come to pick her up. She sobs and sobs. No one can comfort her. She might even be younger than me. No one visits her.
You become a helpless child again.
Things to say and think to make them feel better. So they feel like they will deal with it too and be ok too.
Time will move faster and slower for you too and you will see for yourself.
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I'm not that far away from 75 in reality, how close are you?
I turned 86 at the end of March. People don't want to see it or hear about it. They say, "He lived a good life. It is just part of getting old." But you have not lived the ruined part yourself yet. It is lonely and hopeless. Everyone is living their lives and they do not want to hear how you really feel. They want you to be positive. They want to say, "He was a fighter." A woman sits in my hallway crying because her…
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It's suicide. If the only options before you are worse than death, then it becomes more appealing. I think I'd take death over a life sentence.
I would personally choose living in every scenario I can think of. Even agonizing pain is still better then the nothingness that’s waiting forever.