You are addicted to content like a coke bitch is to her dealer. Also you are not burnt out, you are living the lack of meaning consequential to the lack of direction you ever gave to your existence after followiing the comfortable path.
Solve both.
Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
131–140 of 158 posts
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#132I really fell this right now. I'm totally burnt out. I accepted a fully remote role a year and some ago and I realize that it was a mistake. I really need the time with people face to face, not for my work efficiency, but for my happiness. I'm looking for a new opportunity that has a hybrid or in-person aspect and I'm hoping the change would start to spin that positive fly-wheel.
Same. Remote work has become incredibly old, but I'm basically in a tech desert. I'm on my second "fully remote" role since the pandemic started.
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#133Earlier quoted context omitted.
> In times of the internet we could potentially even choose our collectives. While I agree with you on some parts[1], I somewhat doubt that distant relationships (not necessarily romantic ones) work out well. The lockdown measures took a heavy toll on my mental wellbeing. I imagine other people had similar experiences. 1. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-8...
I think the point of adding distance there is exactly that it saved the relationship. Some people just don't 'work' in close proximity to each other. And that can include family. I'd think the relationship will be less strained when they do not see each other every day because they live next to each other. At least one of them will feel bad. They may not show it, especially back in times when it would have been hard…
Thank you very much for your input.
> It doesn't mean not having any relationships but just because you're family doesn't mean you have to be constantly present in each other's lives.
You have a point, for sure. I can imagine being this the case for people who can socialize well.
Say you have only 2 options between living in a dysfunctional family environment and living completely by yourself with no friends, what then?
It appears that solitary confinement, damages your brain[1]. I wonder if that applies to social isolation as well.
It seems to be the case in prisons that you need to be around rapists and murderers to keep your brain somewhat engaged. (If you don't have any other option.)
So maybe it is wrong to equate solitary confinement as "loneliness". Solitary confinement is much more taxing, I imagine. However, I think it is better to be around people in a physical sense. (Even if that means living with some unpleasant circumstances.)
Gabor Mate implies that modern society is sick, and therefore we get sick. But it is the only society we have, I suppose. So it might be better than nothing.
I am not disagreeing with you at all here. I can see your point. Nevertheless, I just wanted to bring up the case where people have social difficulties and if the family stress is somewhat manageable, then maybe it is better to be around them. And also keep in mind that I have no clue if the prison context is applicable to "free individuals".
1. https://academic.oup.com/book/35060/chapter-abstract/2989955...
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#134Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think the point of adding distance there is exactly that it saved the relationship. Some people just don't 'work' in close proximity to each other. And that can include family. I'd think the relationship will be less strained when they do not see each other every day because they live next to each other. At least one of them will feel bad. They may not show it, especially back in times when it would have been hard…
Thank you very much for your input. > It doesn't mean not having any relationships but just because you're family doesn't mean you have to be constantly present in each other's lives. You have a point, for sure. I can imagine being this the case for people who can socialize well. Say you have only 2 options between living in a dysfunctional family environment and living completely by yourself with no friends, what th…
That's fair enough but you posited that distance relationships don't work out. I posited that distance may actually save the relationship and be better for both sides.
Just because you are not close with your birth family does not mean you do not have friends or your own family. You can hate being with your brothers, sisters and parents and want to be as far away from them as you can and have a loving relationship with your spouse, two or three kids or your own, maybe you are actually on good terms with your in laws and like being around them better ;)
But you still can tolerate x-mas, Easter and Thanksgiving with your birth family well enough.
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#135When we wake up every morning, this is a wide range of options available to us, and we only see a tiny sliver of them. When we do the same thing we did yesterday, we will see that option more clearly tomorrow, and other options less clearly. Our agency narrows. When our options have narrowed too much, it can be hard to get unstuck. Hard to get out of the rut. Wake up, go to work, consume content, go to bed. Every day…
Good insight! Your ideas? Or inspired from somewhere/somebody which you can share?
John Vervaeke! He's a cognitive scientist with a uh, 50-part lecture series "Awakening from the Meaning Crisis" on youtube, some of this was covered in episode 13 "Buddhism and Parasitic Processing" (specifically the parasitic processing part)
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#136Too be honestly, I feel like society at large causes burnout. I read a very complete account of my grandfathers early life (before he joined the military during WW2) and the kinda shit he did living of a farm is stuff of fairytales. When someone in the 20 mile radius needed a barn built, LITERALLY EVERYONE came to help. When you were off work for the night, you would sit with your whole family and read the newspaper…
The problem with in person community is typically not that we cannot become part of one, the problem is that we don't want to sacrifice our individualistic urges as we would have to, if we seriously became part of a collective. To many of us believe we can live the individualistic dream and be part of a collective without subtracting from either one. This is not possible. Being part of a collective often means we can…
> we don't want to sacrifice our individualistic urges as we would have to, if we seriously became part of a collective
Why has this changed?
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#137I am of the opinion that if all techies just learned ansible and used postgres, we could take more time off and chill a bit.
> we could take more time off and chill a bit.
Forgive me if I’m taking you more literally than you intended, but I’m genuinely curious what is prompting this perspective (not adversarially). Wondering if I can’t learn something. Already using pgres.
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#138Too be honestly, I feel like society at large causes burnout. I read a very complete account of my grandfathers early life (before he joined the military during WW2) and the kinda shit he did living of a farm is stuff of fairytales. When someone in the 20 mile radius needed a barn built, LITERALLY EVERYONE came to help. When you were off work for the night, you would sit with your whole family and read the newspaper…
We need metaverse
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#139The key mistake many people make in trying to handle the depression/burn out thing is the attitude.
They go about it just like about another purchase to make — just give me a solution, be it a pill, therapist, magic technique, enlightened guru or teaching to follow...
And it doesn't work this way in the realm of one's deepest mind and soul mechanisms.
I noticed one thing — people with genuine faith tend to overcome such major global downtimes much better.
Re: Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
#140I'm having the time of my life. No joke!
What I've learned in the several decades of life I've lived so far is that your mood day to day is almost entirely dependent on how you interpret the narrative of your life, not what is actually happening.
You mention "having a kid, covid, war, etc."
But what else is happening in your life? It's impossible that every waking moment is 100% consumed by kids/wars/disease/economic collapse/etc. That's the narrative you are telling yourself. So change it! Tell yourself how lovely that flower is on the path over there. Tell yourself how nice the breeze is that wafts over your face. Tell yourself the color of the painting that hangs in your room is a lovely shade of orange. Tell yourself the smell of the soda in your cup is amazing and nourishing.
You may think I sound rather bananas right now, but this is all part of mindfulness training. I had to learn this, because years ago I was falling into a deep depression and consumed by panic attacks. I had gone on and off to therapy in the past, but this time I ended up reading a bunch of materials about mindfulness including the book Mindsight. It changed my life.
We tend to spend most of our lives on autopilot, nearly oblivious to the world around us and instead living in a fantasy we've constructed in our heads—sometimes a very dark fantasy. The way out of that is to become mindful: mindful of breathing, walking on a street, talking to a friend, writing a comment on Hacker News. =) It's not just about "living in the moment" — we're always living in the moment. The question is, do we notice that moment is even there? Are we able to slow/quiet down our inner cross-talk in order to perceive the world right in front of us?
Our powers of observation can be an incredible tool of rejuvenation and inspiration. We just need to focus on the right stuff. Needless to say, scrolling through social media is probably not the best destination for mindfulness. Informative, sometimes, entertaining, sometimes…but most certainly not where we should derive any real sense of meaning or purpose.
Anyway, apologies for the lengthy soapbox—this is just a topic I've thought long and hard about over many moons. Hope you are feeling better soon. :)