Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Write a note to your spouse every day

jdnoc.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

131–140 of 303 posts

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#131

Post by simonswords82 »

mamoriamohit wrote: post #13

I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…

> Just wanted to add a bit of more context.

This isn't really context it's more a subjective and singular viewpoint from somebody who's relationship failed and perhaps was always going to fail regardless of the poems.

Not trying to be horrible here...just pointing out that this is not context.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#132

Post by carom »

NotTameAntelope wrote: post #23
xupybd wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Marriage takes work, lots of work. The reward in my experience is totally worth it. You have to lay down part of your life for the new life that you experience with your spouse and children. The individual you once were is now part of a family and no longer exists as an individual. You serve your family and they serve you back. For me the amount I give of myself is much less than I receive back from the marriage / fa…

Eh, it doesn’t feel like work for me. I really enjoy my partner, she enjoys me, and I don’t think we have to do very much “work” to maintain that. If I started writing literal daily notes to my wife, she’d be very concerned something was wrong. Then she’d ask why I’m wasting my time writing a note when I could have done… literally annoying else more productive lol

On the other hand, my gf would love it.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#133

Post by ps901 »

yessirwhatever wrote: post #97

Don’t waste your time reading comments. Each pontification is shittier than the other. People on HN can be extremely stupid sometimes. Note to author: please for fuck sake, stop with the false click bait promises. “I wrote a note every day” … then … “Ok, that’s a lie; it’s on weekdays and not everyday”… what the hell? You do you you’re writing and not speaking right? ie. go back and edit your text if you’ve lied, oth…

Look at you, now you're the one commenting stupid.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#134

Post by maest »

barry-cotter wrote: post #34
the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

People who keep on having children are often the kind of people who like children. Under those circumstances I assure you that is not a hellish life.

I think the author thinks they have to have kids as instructed by the bible:

"As human beings, our primary mission in life is to be fruitful and multiply, and take dominion over the earth. If that sounds like Bible talk, it is. This is the creed God gave to Adam and Eve. Genesis 1:28.

That’s our responsibility as human beings."

https://jdnoc.com/guides/increasing-wealth-as-a-father

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#135

Post by carom »

cleandreams wrote: post #49

Wow, so much negativity. I think this is great advice. The key is being genuine and appreciative. Take care of your neediness in other ways. If you don't know how to listen, writing lots of notes can be just another way of monopolizing the conversation. Use the note as a way to maintain the intimacy you already have. Ps my marriage lasted happily for 37 years until the untimely death of my beloved wife.

This is probably the most abjectly negative comment section I've seen on HN. Really reddit-tier comments coming from some well aged accounts.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#136

Post by elmolino89 »

mamoriamohit wrote: post #13

I have had an opposite experience. Daily notes makes no difference. I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her. But it failed nevertheless. In fact, I was told by her that these notes put her in guilt. Weird. Gestures like these amplify whatever the relationship there is to start with. If there's a lot of love, they amplify it. If there's a lot of lack of commit…

> I was in a relationship for 2 years and have written a poem every day for 400 days straight to her.

While there may be some people like you enjoying maxed up romantic relationships I would run away in no time from a partner just trying to hard. Imagine getting home everyday to be greeted with a "gift of a day", 10 bullet points in refined calligraphy how much he/she loves me, new scent, yet another laborious make up etc.

Most of us will never be able to match that, be it because of no time/energy or a simple "let me rest after work, read a book/go for a walk". Relationship imho is not an attempt to create a Siamese twins in a mental space. Satisfy the needs of your partner, top it with extra stuff, but do not try to kill it drowning him/her in a waterfall of attention, gifts, questions about everything, etc.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#137

Post by em-bee »

csomar wrote: post #96
User23 wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Since we're being party poopers, it's worth noting that if your relationship fails it is, by definition, because you are unattractive to your partner. If that's the case, then yes attention from an unattractive person is a major turn-off. That's hardly a great revelation, but even so that kind of common sense appears to be sorely lacking amongst many persons.

Quoted post unavailable.

the parents comment just doesn't make any sense.

if your partner is unattractive to you, then why did you choose them at all? there must have been some attraction at some point, and if that attraction got lost, it's only fair if they try to win you back. if you are not willing to let them do that and any further attention puts you off then you should break off that relationship right there. but while you are in a relationship, it is not common sense that they should accept that their attention may be off-putting.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#138

Post by thinkingemote »

carom wrote: post #135
cleandreams wrote: post #49

Wow, so much negativity. I think this is great advice. The key is being genuine and appreciative. Take care of your neediness in other ways. If you don't know how to listen, writing lots of notes can be just another way of monopolizing the conversation. Use the note as a way to maintain the intimacy you already have. Ps my marriage lasted happily for 37 years until the untimely death of my beloved wife.

This is probably the most abjectly negative comment section I've seen on HN. Really reddit-tier comments coming from some well aged accounts.

The submission is classic Reddit typical, to be fair. So one should expect a HN user to respond appropriately. I expect the submission to be flagged or at least not be visible on the front page in a couple of hours.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#139

Post by HEGalloway »

ps901 wrote: post #133
yessirwhatever wrote: post #97

Don’t waste your time reading comments. Each pontification is shittier than the other. People on HN can be extremely stupid sometimes. Note to author: please for fuck sake, stop with the false click bait promises. “I wrote a note every day” … then … “Ok, that’s a lie; it’s on weekdays and not everyday”… what the hell? You do you you’re writing and not speaking right? ie. go back and edit your text if you’ve lied, oth…

Look at you, now you're the one commenting stupid.

yessirwhatever

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#140

Post by [deleted] »

lbrito wrote: post #40
ram_rar wrote: post #7

I am going to get a lot of flak for this. But the more I read things like these, the more I feel marriage is not for everyone and society has a whole should stop gushing down this concept to next generation. Personally I feel, If you have to write a note to your spouse everyday to "save your marriage", then you probably didnt have one to begin with.

>marriage is not for everyone For quite a long time this was a very obvious and common sense statement. That is literally the traditional view of the Catholic Church on marriage, for example. Things changed only very recently.

[deleted]
Post reply on HN