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How I regained concentration and focus

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Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#131

Post by davidro80 »

lampshades wrote: post #122
AzureShill420 wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you feel like there is really anything to "catch up" on? I'm in my mid 30s with no kids - while I can see that my career happens to be more advanced than close friends who had kids early, the signal to noise ratio is pretty high. I'd think about it this way: enjoy the path you've set yourself on and savour the years where you have both your kids and your health. When they become less dependent on you, the option t…

Tip: don’t give advice to people with kids when you don’t have them yourself. We don’t want it because you all have zero idea what we go through.

No post body was provided.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#132

Post by insightcheck »

mattgreenrocks wrote: post #112
1-6 wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m curious because I’ve had kids early. Will I ever be able to catch up with peers who’ve decided their focus would be on their job and forego having children later in life?

It's really up to you and depends on what you want your career to look like. Also, be careful of playing games where people are willing to give up more than you are. For me, I don't derive as much meaning from a career as I thought I would, probably because I put too much expectation that it would provide that.

> "For me, I don't derive as much meaning from a career as I thought I would, probably because I put too much expectation that it would provide that."

"Designing Your Life" is a book based on a Stanford course on career planning that explored this idea very well. A summary is at [0], and a relevant idea is that focusing on one area of your life is likely not sufficient for a good life. For example, over the course of a week, it can be useful to make sure you are hitting goals in "work, play, love, and health." It can sound like common sense, but it's useful to consciously do this, especially for people inclined to optimize for just work, at the expense of physical health and relationships.

An anecdote that stuck out to me was a positive example about a person who rose to a high level at a large company, then kept refusing promotions because he finally struck a good balance between career and having time for family. I'm sure this may not always be the best idea, but I liked the idea behind inclusion of the anecdote, which is that continuously climbing the career ladder may not actually be helpful for one's personal goals.

[0] https://dansilvestre.com/designing-your-life-summary/

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#133

Post by tiahura »

1-6 wrote: post #97
synergy20 wrote: post #65

Block websites will help definitely. another "threat" is when you have a few kids, your daily life is cut into pieces with random and sometimes strong background noises 24x7x365, not much you can do there. personally, that impacts my focus the most and there is no cure, and it usually lasts for about 20 years when kids are finally into colleges. obviously there are many good stuff out of raising kids, and I enjoyed i…

I’m curious because I’ve had kids early. Will I ever be able to catch up with peers who’ve decided their focus would be on their job and forego having children later in life?

It depends on your wife. If both of you work, then probably not.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#134

Post by mcphage »

lloydatkinson wrote: post #83
woweoe wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wikipedia is incredibly biased in terms of what news it cherry picks though. Just read through the debates of what gets proposed for inclusion, and then think about the stuff that's outright deleted.

Do you have some examples?

There was a great article posted here a few years back I’d love to find again, that discusses how to use Wikipedia to reinforce a position without lying. Splitting your side into a bunch of mutually reinforcing pages, careful choose of when to include or exclude adjectives, and so on. I found it pretty eye-opening.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#135

Post by cortesoft »

tiahura wrote: post #133
1-6 wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m curious because I’ve had kids early. Will I ever be able to catch up with peers who’ve decided their focus would be on their job and forego having children later in life?

It depends on your wife. If both of you work, then probably not.

The commenter could be the wife. Or it could be two men

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#136

Post by acdha »

lampshades wrote: post #122
AzureShill420 wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you feel like there is really anything to "catch up" on? I'm in my mid 30s with no kids - while I can see that my career happens to be more advanced than close friends who had kids early, the signal to noise ratio is pretty high. I'd think about it this way: enjoy the path you've set yourself on and savour the years where you have both your kids and your health. When they become less dependent on you, the option t…

Tip: don’t give advice to people with kids when you don’t have them yourself. We don’t want it because you all have zero idea what we go through.

This reads as somewhat mean spirited, which I hope you didn’t intend. I thought his advice was supportive – they very clearly acknowledged not being a parent but then pointed out that there isn’t a clear cut productivity gap. That kind of reassurance seems useful since people can easily tell themselves they’re irrecoverably behind and worry far more than is helpful.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#137

Post by lampshades »

acdha wrote: post #136
lampshades wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tip: don’t give advice to people with kids when you don’t have them yourself. We don’t want it because you all have zero idea what we go through.

This reads as somewhat mean spirited, which I hope you didn’t intend. I thought his advice was supportive – they very clearly acknowledged not being a parent but then pointed out that there isn’t a clear cut productivity gap. That kind of reassurance seems useful since people can easily tell themselves they’re irrecoverably behind and worry far more than is helpful.

Maybe it is. You’re responding to a mentally broken man.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#138

Post by insightcheck »

1-6 wrote: post #97
synergy20 wrote: post #65

Block websites will help definitely. another "threat" is when you have a few kids, your daily life is cut into pieces with random and sometimes strong background noises 24x7x365, not much you can do there. personally, that impacts my focus the most and there is no cure, and it usually lasts for about 20 years when kids are finally into colleges. obviously there are many good stuff out of raising kids, and I enjoyed i…

I’m curious because I’ve had kids early. Will I ever be able to catch up with peers who’ve decided their focus would be on their job and forego having children later in life?

I'd like to question the premise that you have to "catch up" with peers, and that comparisons make sense. Especially in the private sector, career growth isn't solely dependent on technical skills.

Some peers can get big career boosts due to nepotism or networking and switching companies. Others leave a large company, giving up the chance of promotions to senior management, and create their own startup or join another at a senior level for advancement. Other people change industries and start at a junior position. Yet others decide to work a stable job for lesser pay, maybe at certain departments or agencies in the public sector.

I honestly don't see where competition with peers becomes a factor, so long as you're working enough to maintain valuable skills that hiring managers and organizations are looking for.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#139

Post by bravetraveler »

lampshades wrote: post #122
AzureShill420 wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you feel like there is really anything to "catch up" on? I'm in my mid 30s with no kids - while I can see that my career happens to be more advanced than close friends who had kids early, the signal to noise ratio is pretty high. I'd think about it this way: enjoy the path you've set yourself on and savour the years where you have both your kids and your health. When they become less dependent on you, the option t…

Tip: don’t give advice to people with kids when you don’t have them yourself. We don’t want it because you all have zero idea what we go through.

Another unsolicited tip: take quality advice anywhere you can get it

This reads harsh, so apologies if that wasn't intended. Just... I feel this is more of a disservice than anything

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#140

Post by ge96 »

namaria wrote: post #120

Turning off all notifications on my personal phone was a life changer. No longer I feel like I'm wearing an electronic collar. Giving everyone who has your contact information access to your attention is poison to the ability to concentrate. Another big thing for me was cutting down on infinite scrolling, blogs and videos and spending a lot more time with long form content (mainly books). Attention is our most precio…

My phone is always on mute (no vibrate either)

Only alarms to wake up

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