Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

131–140 of 226 posts

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#131

Post by bradlys »

ywain wrote: post #118
qq66 wrote: post #23

"Series D startup" may be a very bad place to be very soon. Keep grinding LeetCode.

There are studies indicating that past a certain level of income, more money doesn't bring more happiness. As a software engineer you can likely hit that threshold fairly easily even at a startup. I'd choose gratifying work at a startup I believe in rather than grind LC so I can work on some shitty adtech that nobody wants any day. (That is not to say you shouldn't assume your pre-IPO equity to be worth anything thou…

I don’t know OPs location but if they’re in SV - series anything isn’t enough to afford the Bay Area long term unless the wife is working at FAANG.

I presume OP doesn’t live in SV because no way to buy just about any home here on a startup salary. Homes where I am went from $2m to $3m in last couple years. These pillars of dust full of termites somehow managed to get even more insanely expensive. I literally didn’t think it was possible to see a shitbox going for $3m outside of Palo Alto but I was wrong.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#133

Post by bradlys »

em-bee wrote: post #47
s1artibartfast wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is pretty normal for poor mental health to take a toll on relationships. Sometimes the problem really is that simple. But with that said, it is always a good time to work on yourself and relationships.

it shouldn't have to be normal. ideally your partner is supporting you especially in times like this. you should be able to share with your wife what OP shared with HN. if he had, the result might have been to not only get a new job but get a job in a different location, with a new, bigger house. it's more work to pull that off, and not something they could have done while the relationship is sour, but possible if th…

You’re getting shit on for no good reason. It’s like people here have never been in a problematic relationship or had to work through things with their partners. I really hope I never have to be or deal with their partners.

You’re right. Ideally your partner should support you. You also shouldn’t be thinking of divorcing your wife because of your job - that sounds ridiculous and like your wife is actually a net drain to your life. (Been there…) That said - it shouldn’t be that way. If the wife is being terrible then they need to shape up and not be terrible. Partners should add value to your life and not drain it. Together you should be greater than the sum of your parts. Even when you’re both struggling - you should find comfort in that you’re both not alone in your struggle.

As well - this idea that you should be atomically happy and there should be no outside influences on your well being is just an asinine juvenile belief. Do we expect babies to not cry out for their mother? Why is it that when you’re desiring something you somehow need to become the Buddha? The fuck is wrong with people. Sometimes you just need a hug and some support from someone in your life who loves you and is willing to be there for you. You don’t need to be some mythical stoic creature who cares about nothing in this world like you’re a nihilist.

I legit wonder if maybe some of you are just super neurodivergent and need to tag yourselves as such before making such wild ass statements about how to interact with other people. Fucking HN.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#134

Post by creakingstairs »

sokoloff wrote: post #45
creakingstairs wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You could always be an independent contractor instead of being an employee. That way it reduces the hurdle for hiring. I'm technically a contractor atm, but get treated like an employee. You of course don't get the same legal protections or some benefits but you can charge more instead :)

Even there, we’d have to understand if that arrangement is commonly viewed as legal in the country of residence. (My understanding is that it’s not legal in all countries [including my own] just because you say and I agree that you’re a contractor, if there are additional facts and circumstances tests to decide the “proper” treatment.)

Just curious, what prevents you from incorporating a company (or even easier ,becoming a sole trader) in your country and then billing the company in another country for services rendered? Would it be the amount of paperwork involved or is there some other legal provision that makes this unrealistic?

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#135

Post by barry-cotter »

drewcoo wrote: post #63

Seek counseling. You're making life decisions based on web boards. Somehow programming and your relationship with your spouse are tied up together. You're riding really high now. You were really low before. Emotional roller coasters mean you should talk with someone, regardless of how you're feeling right now.

No post body was provided.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#136

Post by barry-cotter »

nus07 wrote: post #97

Is Hacker News the new Blind ? Wtf did I just read? But good on you dude - just don’t attach that much of your self worth and relationship situation on your job . But this post is Blind worthy not HN.

No post body was provided.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#137

Post by Jagerbizzle »

n0th3r-curious wrote: post #130
sacrosancty wrote: post #19

Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…

Well said! Unless the personal life is happy (stable dependable lovable relationship like spouse/significant other), it's hard to succeed in professional life.

Just to provide a contrarian viewpoint, myself and some of my closest friends are experiencing the exact opposite.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#138

Post by nkmnz »

TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #103
uoaei wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But they can sure as hell make you unhappy! And it's up to you to keep that in mind.

Why would they be able to make you unhappy but not be able to make you happy? How can they affect one but not both?

Doing a thing „A“ is not the same as not doing a thing „B“ that looks like the opposite of A. E.g.: not healing your broken leg is very different from breaking your leg.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#139

Post by nielsbot »

sacrosancty wrote: post #19

Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…

I second the recommendation of the help of a therapist if possible. You can certainly "work on yourself" but having the guidance of a professional can really accelerate things. It's also helpful to talk to someone who 1) is always in your corner and is your advocate and non-judgemental 2) is an expert in emotions, coping, relationships, and so on and 3) is not someone you already have a previous, possibly "tainted" relationship with. Good luck.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#140

Post by granshaw »

bin_bash wrote: post #84

> I was motivated and was able to solve most easy and medium question in 30 mins. However, that was not good enough for FAANGs. What makes you think it's not good enough? LC is important and today it might be even be essential to land a role, but I think people tend to think of it like an exam when that's not really what we're testing for. The goal is to see how you think, not see if you can simply come up with the r…

Wait wait wait - have you seen the Amazon interview process? The first assessment step is a completely automated LC test with no human on the other side. Either you pass the all the test cases including your algo being quick enough on large datasets or you don’t.

Yes they are this blatant about it nowadays.

Post reply on HN