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The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

mcc.gse.harvard.edu

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Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#131

Post by throway20211207 »

Severe chronic pain is how I'd describe the loneliness I've experienced during the pandemic. Im alone 80-90% of any given day and it's by far the most painful experience I've ever had, even with strategies to actively manage it (I work at coffee shops, attend church, and am very active in a sporting community)

The social backdrop of life is family and community, that's what you come home too. I divorced just before the lockdowns started and have no family in my city. I don't believe in extrovert/introverts and spent several years developing my social skills so I do meet people quite easily and have a good group of friends. But even the best friend groups as a working adult can't replace community band family life.

I have two points of reflection:

1. Every decision we make corporately as a society seems to weaken or impede family and community life. From how we build our cities to how we respond to pandemics. I have no solution other than try and buck the trend.

2. I offer my sympathies to anyone else feeling lonely. I hope we can persevere and eventually find meaningful social lives filled with loved ones.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#132

Post by dionidium »

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #111
gruez wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The parent comment: >Many of my staff and friends don't want to have kids, make no effort to find a partner and find all sorts of excuses Is the lack of affordable housing and/or environmental disasters really responsible for people who lack the precondition (eg. having a partner) for buying a home?

When was having a partner a precondition for buying a home? Furthermore, what’s the point of finding a partner when the cost of a permanent place together might exceed both your incomes put together, much less a place big and safe enough to raise a family.

> When was having a partner a precondition for buying a home?

When you make an offer on a house you're bidding against two-earner households. For a lot of us in tech the salience of this fact is diminished by the industry's high salaries, but for most folks this is a really big deal.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#133

Post by acuozzo »

JohnWhigham wrote: post #35
naravara wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Doesn’t this depend on having friends who are off the internet too? In the before times, I’d go to get drinks with friends and often found they were chronically distracted. If there’s a lull in conversation they pull out their phones. I go to the bathroom and come back and they’re swiping through Tinder. I got married before the dating apps got popular so I never went down that particular rabbit hole, but I feel like…

If there’s a lull in conversation they pull out their phones. I despise how this behavior has been completely normalized. Especially in the dating sphere. People putting their phones on the table to make sure they never miss notifications is just so fucking disrespectful to the people you're actually with.

> People putting their phones on the table to make sure they never miss notifications is just so fucking disrespectful to the people you're actually with.

FWIW, I don't use my phone while out to eat with another person, but I do put it on the table—on silent!—because it's large enough to be uncomfortable in my front pants pocket(s) while sitting.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#134

Post by mountainboy »

elbasti wrote: post #90

One of thing that is obvious to me is the bizarre cultural norm that, in the US, people are expected to move away from home at the age of 18 and then relocate more-or-less permanently far away from family and childhood friends. To my American friends this seems totally normal, and suggesting something different is ridiculed. An obvious consequence of this is that American adults have 3 or 4 "social fabric ruptures" a…

great insights about social fabric ruptures! so true.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#135

Post by alexpetralia »

0des wrote: post #33

We are victims of our own comfort. It's easier to stay home in our filter bubbles unchallenged. People don't know how to socialize these days, it's easier to flick idly through facebook. Awkward conversations with strangers don't happen anymore, because the second a familiar conversation with the bartender ends, everyone reaches into their pockets and retreats back into their digital security blankets. Try having a c…

As I like to say, we have decoupled intent from engagement.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#136

Post by MeinBlutIstBlau »

jbrun wrote: post #4

It's a bit paradoxical. I have a tech company and most staff want to come to the office 1 day a week. Getting them to come is very tough. Many of my staff and friends don't want to have kids, make no effort to find a partner and find all sorts of excuses. Netflix, the internet and these things are part of the problem, but I have no clue what the solution is. There is only one way to not be lonely - be with people who…

>That requires an investment of time and of your emotions - something many people seem unable or unwilling to do

In my experience, not many people want to invest in you unless you can benefit them. Oftentimes, I've personally experienced that they just utilize you for that sole purpose then discard you when you no longer suit their purpose.

>You have to get out into the world and invest in others.

As somebody who has attempted to do so many times, I've become far to jaded to take this advice seriously. People are liars, snakes, and thieves. They will steal your time or energy in one way or another if they just need to use you as another stepping stone to their success that they couldn't build up themselves.

I have an extremely pessimistic view on people simply because my own personal experiences led me here. Get over wanting to be loved. Learn how to invest in things that can affect your life. And don't offer your time or money for free unless there is some sort of mutual exchange. Doesn't need to be a 1:1 ratio. But there needs to be an expectation that they'll continue to contribute in the future in one way or another.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#137

Post by AlwaysRock »

kiwih wrote: post #8

The loneliness crisis is what I have been wondering about lately amongst the greater push (especially within tech circles) to 100% work-from-home arrangements. Personally, although I enjoy WFH once or twice a week, I know that for me I must go in the other three days or else I do start feeling chronically lonely - even though I live with my wife and another flatmate. One thing that I worry about is that one side effe…

I don't think I can ever go back in. At least not more than once a week. But I always got relatively little out of office relationships. It felt like not quite friends and not quite acquaintances. A weird middle ground relationship that made me feel like I would rather be spending time with someone I actually cared about, deeply, or would rather be alone.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#138

Post by ianai »

basisword wrote: post #104
panaffa wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good point on agency. Throughout their lives GenZ has either had less agency or felt like we have less agency to do what we want. Certainly true for some financial goals like buying a house

The oldest gen z are just out of college though. I think it’s the younger millennials you might be describing (people a decade into their career with little prospect of home ownership).

As someone who graduated college into the Great Recession, I was told and shown no path to work for the better part of a decade after college-despite going back to college to become more marketable in that period. And seemingly nobody cares about people like me because we don’t get the ink that the people slightly older or younger than us get.

On the other hand, I do wonder how the economic outlook for work in the US looks once the deeper portions of the boomers retire and open up work. Not a lot of optimism though.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#139

Post by mountainboy »

dfxm12 wrote: post #64

Looking at the key recommendations, there appears to be a policy aspect playing into this as well. If you feel lonely, consider this at the polls - Who is advocating for social infrastructure and having a commitment to more than ourselves, including those who are vulnerable? On the flip side, be wary of those pushing personal liberty above all else and those who are trying to damage public health campaigns and instit…

oh yeah, that personal liberty is so dangerous. gotta be wary about that.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#140

Post by alexpetralia »

phone8675309 wrote: post #29

> I have a tech company and most staff want to come to the office 1 day a week. Getting them to come is very tough. I’ve never felt more lonely in my life than working in an office full of people, and I know that’s a sentiment shared by most of my friends. I don’t think working in an office is the major factor in this.

Absolutely. I've often felt like an outsider in places full of people, and an insider with just a single friend. I think it's about tribal affinity.
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