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The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

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Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#131

Post by yummyfajitas »

pamelafox wrote: post #86
fefzero wrote: post #7

"But the real reason [married people gain weight] is moral hazard, or the tendency to take more risks and behave more irresponsibly when there are no consequences." I'd never equated being overweight as behaving irresponsibly. If everyone thought this way, would we all be thinner? If my spouse can't nag me to lose weight (see #1), is there anything she could do to encourage it, or is it all on me?

Recent research shows that obesity is caused more by the types of food that we eat than the amount that we eat. (And the types of food that surround us these days are increasingly the wrong kinds). I would suggest that you and your wife do some research into obesity/nutrition and form a meal plan together. It is much easier to eat the right foods when you're doing it together. It's also fun to cook together. At least…

I've only seen a couple of Gary Taube's blog posts, and I found them to be quite deceptive. I'd suggest avoiding him for nutrition advice.

A blog post I wrote illustrating one of his deceptions: http://crazybear.posterous.com/how-1-graph-reveals-what-3000...

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#132

Post by momotomo »

tertius wrote: post #57
r00fus wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Find a way to infect her friend with this info/site. They'll be more likely to influence her than you.

I always found this very scary. If I'm not the largest influencer (positive/negative) then I have bigger problems to worry about.

In my experience if I'm her largest influence, then something's gone horribly wrong. I don't mean to be offensive, but this concept sounds more like codependency than a partnership.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#134

Post by Natsu »

patrickgzill wrote: post #101
kbatten wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm pretty sure both of those evaluate to the same value.

Since the shorthand expression is for percentages, it implicitly expands to 50/100:50/100 (as 50% = 50/100) , or in more absolute terms, 0.5:0.5 . While 100/100 expands to 100/100:100/100 , or 1:1 of course. You might say the ratios are equivalent, but of course, you have ignored the units (if a relationship can have units).

You either compared incomparable things to begin with or ended up with a scalar value when you divided them. Units can be divided, too. The slash in m/s is there for a reason.

We'd do better to stick to the original point: that both partners should do their best rather than a half-ass job. A point I happen to agree with. Numbers just get in the way.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#135

Post by intended »

colanderman wrote: post #78
jobrahms wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Family therapists know this stuff already. Tell her that you want to make your marriage everything it could be and more, etc, etc, and get her to a therapist, where she'll learn it for herself. Worked for me ;)

Sounds way more expensive than: "Hunny, I appreciate that you want to help me remember what needs doing, but it's overwhelming if you tell me as soon as I come home from a long day at work. I know I have a habit of forgetting, so let's make a deal: if I forget to do something come 9 PM, I'll take on one of your chores the next day. Does that sound fair to you?" Or if your SO can take the hint from humor: "If I had a…

Sounds a lot cheaper than suffering this though: "No it doesn't sound fair!! What, you can't remember something like that either??" or "You are ALWAYS Tired, God I have to do everything, why did I marry you..." etc, etc.

- Not that I hear that from anyone. Perhaps different strokes for different folk applies here? - (PS: I love you honey)

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#136

Post by demallien »

Qz wrote: post #129
abalashov wrote: post #13

This is the first popular publication article I've seen that has given the very important cognitive overload aspect of nagging--and especially multi-pronged nagging litany, which seems to be the most common kind--the treatment it deserves: But when it comes to nagging reminders about what your spouse still has to do after a long day working for the man—take out the recycling, walk the dog, write a thank-you letter, d…

Here's the other half of the story: it takes two to nag.

It really doesn't.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#137

Post by patrickgzill »

Natsu wrote: post #134
patrickgzill wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Since the shorthand expression is for percentages, it implicitly expands to 50/100:50/100 (as 50% = 50/100) , or in more absolute terms, 0.5:0.5 . While 100/100 expands to 100/100:100/100 , or 1:1 of course. You might say the ratios are equivalent, but of course, you have ignored the units (if a relationship can have units).

You either compared incomparable things to begin with or ended up with a scalar value when you divided them. Units can be divided, too. The slash in m/s is there for a reason. We'd do better to stick to the original point: that both partners should do their best rather than a half-ass job. A point I happen to agree with. Numbers just get in the way.

I admit it is innumerate slang to write "50/50" when really it means "(item/effort/task) is split 50% among 2 people" ... so given HN's general level of math ability, I should have phrased it better.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#138

Post by georgieporgie »

haploid wrote: post #55
[deleted] wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[deleted]

I edited my post. The hipster reference was not constructive. Re: fat nerds and social value: In 2011, "fat nerds" can wield quite a bit of financial power. This can make them attractive to females by virtue of the fact that they can be utilized as resource providers for their future offspring. However, it should be noted that sexual attraction and attraction to resources are generally two independent drives in femal…

> In 2011, "fat nerds" can wield quite a bit of financial power.

While that's true, "fat nerds" (or skinny nerds, or greasy nerds) don't generally do things which display this power. I've met nerds who are effectively retired at 30, fat and happy, who are entirely off the radar of women looking at suits, cars, and Stanford MBA attitudes.

My point is that even though socially we understand that "nerds" have good odds of being reasonably affluent, there's still an awful lot to the "sexy" equation that they don't have.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#139

Post by tomjen3 »

jobrahms wrote: post #79
RickHull wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Funny, I can't imagine being overweight as anything but irresponsible (mod specific health issues). And it is pretty much all on you. One thing that can be very helpful is to schedule exercise with other people (e.g. spouse). It's easier to get going with a group, it's more fun, and there is a social cost to canceling. You don't even have to do the same exercises -- just go to the gym or pool or park or whatever and…

I agree that in the end it's personal responsibility that determines whether you're overweight or healthy. But it has to be said that it has become more difficult to be thin (at least in western societies) given the ease with which most of us can obtain high energy/fat foods. Add to that the fact that most food producers have profit margins as their motivators instead of the population's health, and you can see why i…

Actually in some ways it is getting easier (for the geeks, anyway):

* adblock - no stupid commercials for fastfood places, etc * Downloaded tv (whether brought from iTunes or downloaded from thepiratebay.org) doesn't contain commercials.

Add that a personal mp3 player means you are less likely to hear radio and it becomes that much more difficult to sell you stuff.

Re: The Secret to a Happy Marriage: Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much

#140

Post by loewenskind »

jobrahms wrote: post #75
yummyfajitas wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This works well for women, not so well for men. For men, typically making a visible effort will cause your spouse to perceive you as weak and low value. This will only make things worse.

You overlook the fact that making effort (and most importantly following through) gets you sex. Happy wife = happy life. It's not beneath you to try to make your partner happy. And if she responds the way you're implying - I'm sorry, something is probably wrong with her.

>Happy wife = happy life

I hate this phrase, it's the battle cry of those who do whatever their wife says and laugh with their buddies about how whipped they are. Marriage is a balancing act. Of course you have to change and give in where appropriate but if you do everything she says she wants you will lower her opinion of you (as it should, since you're a coward).

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