I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media • Hacker News Board

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#131

Post by nickstinemates » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:06 PM UTC

vonseel wrote: post #22

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I don't think the solution is to your ailments is to reconnect on Facebook.

I think there's pressure to keep people in your lives that are not involved, partly to do with tradition and partly to do with the way social media now works.

Instead of browsing Facebook, why not make the time to actually see these people in real lives, call them on the phone, facetime them, write them a letter?

What I am trying to do for myself is invest in the meaningful relationships and eliminating personal social media has helped provide that focus for the people that I want in my life.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#132

Post by theandrewbailey » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:07 PM UTC

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

I remember about 15 years ago, having a MySpace profile. I poked around for a while, but just didn't understand it, and eventually stopped using it. (All your friends are here, they said. The only one I could find was my idiot friend.) When Facebook/Twitter/et al. came around, I avoided them, and about 5 years ago, realized that I made the right call.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#133

Post by xurias » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:07 PM UTC

manigandham wrote: post #117

xurias wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think there is a substantial difference. I had an account (which I've since deleted) with thousands of karma points. I was becoming obsessed with the validation of getting upvotes. And I'm somebody who never cared about likes on Facebook. But validation from the smart people here? It was addictive and really tainted how I interacted with HN. I went into an emotional tailspin if I started getting downvotes.

I think caring about that kind of validation is a separate issue from the content itself, and requires self-discipline regardless. At least discussion on interesting and educational topics is better than sharing yet another batch of vacation photos.

I'm not so sure. If it's something that impairs you, I think it's negative.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#134

Post by jbarberu » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:10 PM UTC

Swizec wrote: post #120

tyfon wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If someone can't be arsed to call me or send me an email inviting me to their birthday then I don't consider them a friend. I have not had this issue since quitting facebook around 2011. But then again I have clearly notified those people that are actually my friends that if they want to include me they need to call or email or something like that. Nobody has issues with that and fully understand my desire to stay aw…

> If someone can't be arsed to call me or send me an email inviting me to their birthday then I don't consider them a friend. And they think the same of you. If their preferred method of communication is Facebook message, are you really a friend if you don’t care?

If I have some friends who are into amateur radio, am I not really their friend if I don't get my own ham radio so they can contact me through that?

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#135

Post by everdrive » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:11 PM UTC

onlyrealcuzzo wrote: post #125

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

So I've never had "Social Media", but I read Hacker News too much, and contribute a bit. I'm wondering if Hacker News is better or worse than Facebook/Instagram. At least on Facebook and Instagram, you usually interact with your friends, right? Here, I feel like I read a lot of insightful posts and stories and have good discussions. But I'm not making any friends or strengthening any friendships. Is it worth the time…

I think it can be as addicting, but HN is far less vapid. Does this make it better? It's hard to say. With FB, I'd find myself reloading, and looking, and not being happy I spent any time there, all to do it again the next day.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#136

Post by sixstringtheory » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:15 PM UTC

Swizec wrote: post #120

tyfon wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If someone can't be arsed to call me or send me an email inviting me to their birthday then I don't consider them a friend. I have not had this issue since quitting facebook around 2011. But then again I have clearly notified those people that are actually my friends that if they want to include me they need to call or email or something like that. Nobody has issues with that and fully understand my desire to stay aw…

> If someone can't be arsed to call me or send me an email inviting me to their birthday then I don't consider them a friend. And they think the same of you. If their preferred method of communication is Facebook message, are you really a friend if you don’t care?

If you've stated your preference to them and explained why you personally don't feel comfortable using Facebook, and they don't care, then they are the one being unfriendly.

Of course there are many ways to state that preference, ranging from "you're an idiot if you want to keep that advertising agency alive" to "I don't feel comfortable putting details of my personal life, including our friendship, on the Internet for private companies to profit". If someone truly belittled the second, then yeah, they aren't a friend.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#137

Post by agurk » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:16 PM UTC

cameronbrown wrote: post #47

ngngngng wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same, That's exactly what i was thinking seeing this comment ironically at the top. As someone addicted to checking my upvotes on hacker news, please don't upvote those of us that admit that to you ;D

Half a million Karma in < 2 years? Here, have some downvotes :P

ngngngng's karma is a little over 1.5k. You're looking at their about field.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#138

Post by Timberwolf » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:17 PM UTC

haolez wrote: post #66

In LinkedIn, I get the opposite feeling. It seems that a lot of people spend a considerable amount of energy pumping their profiles with lots of achievements, professional photos and blog posts, but it feels like everybody is talking to themselves. Nobody cares.

I think LinkedIn suffers from people treating it as an extension of a CV or prospectus, which probably isn't an unfair assumption on their part. Which means not introspecting failures, only commenting or reacting on banal platitudes, and not saying anything that might be remotely controversial for an employer.

This is sad, but as someone who will happily admit failures, frustrations and annoyances on LinkedIn I have been in interviews where people have dinged me heavily for it. So far these have all been quite toxic work environments - maybe you could count it as a useful filter, but I understand given this why people feel pressure to do little more than copy/paste the same Oleg posts ad infinitum.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#139

Post by squeaky-clean » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:19 PM UTC

vidarh wrote: post #27

mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

I have more HN points than you, but a couple of things makes me feel like it doesn't matter: The lack of any visible sign of new replies removes a lot of compulsion. I only stay engaged with the conversations actually interesting enough to get me to keep reading them. Compare with Reddit where the best thing I learned to do was to decide when I was 'done' and open the list of unread messages while looking away and cl…

> Compare with Reddit where the best thing I learned to do was to decide when I was 'done' and open the list of unread messages while looking away and closing the tab...

This is so true. I'll often delete a reddit comment a few minutes after writing it if I think it's potentially inviting some troll or person with shit reading skills to respond back negatively. Even the so-called "good" small communities have a couple people like that, which is enough.

Apollo has had a bug the past few days with iOS 13 where the mail icon doesn't light up. This has honestly been really nice.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#140

Post by mnm1 » Tue, Oct 01, 2019, 5:20 PM UTC

vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I'd argue those people that are too lazy/inconsiderate/uncaring to not invite people who are not on FB are not friends at all. It takes a few seconds to text/email someone, sometimes even less if you text/email a whole group at a time. Expecting people to give up their privacy and use an addictive surveillance platform just so they don't miss out on parties and other events, is way too much to ask of anyone. This is especially true of close friends and family that one cares about. It's easy for people to forget the true consequences of using a platform like FB. It's literally inconsiderate when they do so, however.